To think it’s really hard to keep a child with a large appetite an appropriate weight

[Thedownstream]

I have 3 DCs. DC1 and DC2 have always had massive appetites, ate every single thing I put in front of them from the moment I weaned them, never refused anything at nursery, never lost their appetites even when sick. DC1 didn’t eat anything remotely unhealthy until she was three, but by that time was quite a chunk (99th centile BMI). DC2 we did baby led weaning with due to the health advice that babies will not overeat if they feed themselves (which we found not to be true in her case). Both DC1 and 2 started school overweight, but DC1 has turned out to have quite a talent for sport which she plays twice per day everyday and now aged 9 is a beanpole.

DC2 aged 5 however could not be more different, she’s naturally very inactive and struggles with sport (although reluctantly attends some sports clubs for exercise). She is always hungry and will eat until she is sick if allowed. She would easily eat a adult sized burger and chips at a restaurant if allowed. I think our diet is relatively healthy but she’s evidently eating too much either at home, school or both.

I think she would be fine weight wise however if there wasn’t so much crap food offered / available to her everywhere we go. I’ll give some examples:

• birthday parties - I’m the mum hovering over DC2 as the kind birthday mum and family try to encourage her to take 10 sandwiches, 5 slices of pizza, 50 chocolate fingers and 2 cupcakes at 3 in the afternoon, when half of the other kids are too busy playing to notice the food available.

• The kind parents on the sidelines at DC1’s sports sharing their kids’ sweets and biscuits with her.

• The mum who brings her child over for a play date and brings doughnuts for the kids.

• The portion size and options on kids menus at pubs which always come with an included dessert (we avoid going out for lunch as a result).

• The grandparents who do not listen when we say we’re trying to keep things healthy and please not to bake cakes for the kids.

• The stickers given out at school to children who finish their food. DC2 is a people pleaser who loves a sticker.

I don’t know how to navigate all this without other parents thinking I’m obsessive, or without giving DC2 food issues, but equally she can’t keep eating all this food offered to her.

In DC1’s school year so many of the children who had some puppy fat in reception are now obese (and many who were stick thin in reception are too). I don’t want that for DC2.

DC3 has a much less healthy diet than DC2 as unlike his sisters he is an incredibly fussy eater who lives off about 20 foods and usually refuses lunch entirely at nursery. He also seems to know when to stop eating even if it is a food he loves. He’s really slim (trousers always falling down) and will be one of those children who can eat all the doughnuts in the world and not put on weight (probably because he then won’t eat anything else for the rest of the day).

So AIBU to think DC2 is destined for a life of being overweight or with a complex about food given her appetite and all the unhealthy food thrown at her (by others) on a regular basis?

I dont know what you mean by chicken satay wraps, I was comparing the tesco ones I linked to above, 3 bites are 90 cals, that is a child's portion snack

And yes there is some evidence, (not proven) that some UPFs (and people misuse and misunderstand that term all the time) can affect satiety levels, that is more significant for the likes of processed carb type foods really, so a potato waffle rather than a baked potato, or processed bun/brioche type thing rather than straight forward granary bread. So 200 cals of potato waffle wont be as satiating as 200 cals of jacket potato (for some people) and so on and so on

Little bits of chicken, which have some small amount of stabilisers in them, arent really going to be significantly affecting her satiety levels compared to chunks of chicken and the peanut butter dipping dish. Because I can tell you that given the chicken breast chunks and free reign with the peanut butter dipping dish, she'll be consuming far more calories very easily.

She is always hungry and will eat until she is sick if allowed
DC1 is like this, and hasn't grown out of it so far. He has no off switch and never has. He will literally eat until he vomits and it doesn't matter what it is, healthy or unhealthy food. The doctors think it is linked to processing issues he has, basically it takes him to long to realise he's eaten. We had to stop blw because of this. He also has no memory of having eaten. He will eat a massive meal and if he sees someone eating something 10 mins later he will want it and would eat it if we let him.
He also finds sport difficult, and has since been diagnosed with dyspraxia. He has other issues at school, all linked to processing and working memory. If there is anything like that (although at this age it might not be obvious if she's intelligent and can cover) it might be worth getting a doctors opinion.

I don't know what the answer is, switching to high protein foods became unsustainable as he didn't eat less and they cost more. We have to really keep on top of what he drinks to make sure he has enough. Does she recognise being thirsty?
I bought snacks he didn't like and made sure I made a meal he didn't like every now and again. That way I could offer him a snack and he'd only accept if he was genuinely hungry.

My other DC is the complete opposite, stops eating when hungry, not a fan of bread/pasta will generally eat the veg and meat but leave the rest and does massive amounts of sport.

Interested in the post above, as to how you got buy in from your GP etc. I have a child who is never sated and despite a LOT of exercise is an overweight. They have a sibling who eats endless junk (outside the home) and is skinny. The GP simply suggested they do more exercise. They are doing at least 2 hours of exercise most days. They can’t do any more. We keep snacks in the house healthy. The GP just isn’t interested. Why not?

Yes exactly this. The chicken satay are small, no doubt not as filling as home made with homemade peanut butter dip, but also nowhere near the calories. I don’t actually think she needs the calories at that time of day so it would be counterproductive to offer her more. As an alternative lunch to wraps though absolutely, although anything I make like that is always “too spicy” 🤣.

Thank you. Yes I think I’m going to query this with school. I haven’t wanted to be “that parent” and make a fuss, particularly as it so awkward as so many of the teachers are overweight, but this approach really isn’t teaching her the right eating habits, which in a few years when it really is all beyond my control are what is going to be so important.

No, it's not hard. Send her to school with packed lunch and tea and control how much she eats. Include lots of carrot sticks, cucumber sticks, peppers so she can fill up. And she needs to exercise. Diet habits are set young OP. Don't set her up for a lifetime of this. You need to teach her.

Thank you for this advice. This is all really helpful and even though it sounds like you have had to put a lot of work in this gives me hope!

Exactly this! I’m sorry to say I probably would have judged had I not had such different children and realised just how different they are in terms of their eating and body shape. There are some families at the DCs’ school who are all overweight, but some where the children are such different shapes and it may be they have a terrible diet but one child doesn’t eat or can eat whatever they want, or a good diet but have one child who is always hungry.

@icouldholditwithacobweb thank you for the recommendation of the bite timer - I tried it out myself and turns out I'm just as much of a trougher as I was thinking DS2 was, so he clearly gets it from me. We will certainly be implementing this at mealtimes and also doing the half portion idea.

@BobTheBobcatsBob if you had two DCs did your DD get frustrated to be given a half portion while your other DC got a full one? Or did you do half portions all round? I can just imagine the wobbly DS2 would throw if I gave him half the portion of his brother, even if I did say he could have seconds if he was still hungry.

@Carrotmccarrotface I raised it with the paediatrician and psychiatrist at his ASD assessments.

I get it OP. I've got one that has no interest in food and won't eat breakfast at all and never says they are hungry. That child is a healthy weight.

I've got a second child who will eat whatever they can get their hands on. They are also very inactive. They love sitting down to draw, paint etc. Their weight fluctuates because it's a constant battle and if I'm not completely on top of it then they start to tip into overweight zones.

So we have healthy breakfasts, packed lunches with no treats, dinners cooked from scratch. We don't have any snacks and if they ask then they are offered an apple and nothing more. No fruit juice. Four different active clubs attended each week, plus walking to and from school and two big walks at the weekend of several miles.

And yes, I can do my part, but the constant parties, snacks at school, chocolates given out at sports clubs (🙄🙄🙄), sweets shared by friends, playdates and sleepovers at friends, where pizza and chips are in abundance do all make a massive difference and how on earth do you address that without giving your child a complex about their weight?

Well I think I may be fortunate in the fact younger dc (by 4 years) always had a small appetite so even when dd was given half a portion to start with it was still bigger than her little brother's. And I always served (and still do serve both of them) on smaller plates. So it looked like there was more food on the plate than there actually was. If dd wanted seconds I would always allow it. And if she wanted thirds (which was rare) I would allow it. I didn't want to withhold food if she was genuinely hungry, but at the same time I didn't want to indulge her if she was just being greedy. I guess I wanted her to learn how to manage her hunger without her realising that's what she was doing. For us it has worked well and, like I said before, she is now very good at making good food choices and knowing when to stop without me having to enforce anything or put a huge focus on to what she is consuming.

This is interesting.

My daughter is also 9. I am noticing exactly the same, which shocked me.

She is very sporty, doing 11-15 hours of organised sport or dance a week.

Despite this, I notice she has gained a little fat around her torso and abdomen since the summer holidays, which hasn’t burnt off since she’s back in her normal routine.

She’s one of these ‘always hungry’ children, which I thought was explained by the amount of physical exertion she did, and, until the last couple of months, things did seem to balance, as she didn’t gain fat, so we’ve never worried about it.

She takes a packed lunch to school a couple of times a week, as she can’t have school dinners on the days she has her sports training and once a week, when she spends all day at the dance school. I always used to pack a bag of crisps, which I’ve stopped. We’ve also started being a bit more mindful about her snacking before dinner - so rather than having unfettered access to nuts and cheese, reminding her that we are eating imminently and offering something less desirable, but still liked (e.g. apple or carrot) instead.

I am really aware that I do not want to make her self-conscious about her current build, or to make her obsessional about food, particularly because she is a dancer, but it worries a little how this has crept up on us without our noticing. She’s mentioned that her “tummy is fat” a couple of times, which I’ve tried to downplay, as my gut feeling is that things will reverse again with better attention to portion size/seconds and snacking.

This is exactly it although I think to be fair you do a better job of the at home food than I do! Our snacks let us down but that is going to change.

Most replies have been really supportive and motivating (which is not what I was expecting). It’s good to hear from people who have had similar challenges and what they have done, even if it hasn’t been easy.

Serve the salad train of mayonnaise with the air-fryer sausage patties you’re doing for breakfast, that’s 2 of your 5 a day.

Why not just bung all the veg in with the mince ( turkey or soya mince good alternatives) then blitz with a hand blender. Vegetables will disappear. Remove the portion for the non kidney bean eater then chuck in kidney beans to the remainder. One of mine hated veg but never sussed out the veg I put in chilli's, spaghetti bog, shepherd's pie etc.( courgettes, peppers, carrots etc).
Do a double portion of the mince and veg basic then half for chilli and half for spaghetti bog( just add some herbs and tomato puree).
Porridge for breakfast??(made with porridge oats, not sachets of ready made)Banana and yoghurt on top. Might fill her up more.

• *birthday parties - I’m the mum hovering over DC2 as the kind birthday mum and family try to encourage her to take 10 sandwiches, 5 slices of pizza, 50 chocolate fingers and 2 cupcakes at 3 in the afternoon, when half of the other kids are too busy playing to notice the food available.
• The kind parents on the sidelines at DC1’s sports sharing their kids’ sweets and biscuits with her.
• The mum who brings her child over for a play date and brings doughnuts for the kids.
• The portion size and options on kids menus at pubs which always come with an included dessert (we avoid going out for lunch as a result).
• The grandparents who do not listen when we say we’re trying to keep things healthy and please not to bake cakes for the kids.
• The stickers given out at school to children who finish their food. DC2 is a people pleaser who loves a sticker.*

NONE of this is the reason for any child to be overweight. The odd meal out with a dessert, snacks at playdates, 10 sandwiches at a kids party and the grandma food offerings - none of these are reasons for a continuing poor diet. All should be irregular and infrequent - even one party a week (eat enough at the party, don't have tea!), one meal out a week, finishing frankly tiny school dinner portions.

It's what's going on at all their other meals that needs looking at. You said your DC were overweight before school (and the endless madness of parties etc).

Portion control needs to be prioritised.

I am reading something very interesting that just came out of a health conference yesterday that focused on obesity and genetics. It genuinely is empirically harder, much harder, for some people to avoid obesity. Those with the most risky genetics will average a BMI of 30 whilst the least risky will be around 21/22. It also impacts the amount of exercise stating that those at greatest risk need to average 13.5k steps vs 3.5 for those least at risk.

I can’t provide the source data for this to link here (as would be my preference) but this comes from a very well respected group of healthcare industry leaders and not some random wellness guru on instagram, for example, and so I trust that this is an accurate view.

Personally this does chime with my experience - I have always focused on my weight to stay at a BMI of around 20-21 and that has slipped to 23-24 in my 40s after two kids. Just to maintain I have to watch what I eat, avoid processed food, walk miles, weight train twice a week, drink very little etc. and any slippage and I gain straight away. If I didn’t have the time and resources to do all this there is no doubt in my mind I’d be overweight pretty quickly.

You say she us always hungry but if she will eat till she is sick that's not hunger that's greed. Also maybe she us eating out of boredom not hunger

It's not necessarily greed. My daughter never not feels hungry. As an adult she has now read about this and understands what she has to do to control her portions and that it is probably connected to her autism. But a child can't do that.

DD had a friend like this. The problem being is her mum encouraged it, she seemed to think it was a badge of honour that her child would eat anything/massive meals. She also told me once it ‘wasn’t her problem’ and she would need to diet when she was an adult.
The mum was very overweight and went to slimming world as well, her lack of empathy was unbelievable.
Her sister had zero interest in food, literally just snacked. Now though they are teenagers and the eldest is very overweight and the younger one is very slim. I can imagine it’s hard for the girl to see.

Sorry if u didn’t see. Does DD do any activities, ?, mine hated sports but loved Brownies where they mostly ran about for 2 hours and had a good walk there and back. She would do to the park with friends, just hated formal sports etc.

i forgot to add. There’s nothing wrong with feeling hungry sometimes. I think we are so well fed in this country is we expect to feel full all the time, but we shouldn’t be, especially if there is a meal coming up.

I think blending food / hiding ingredients / serving really smooth, soft food is also a contributing factor.

There is evidence that chewing food leads to earlier satiety (fullness). Removing the process of chewing means that we eat more quickly, and more calories.

Also, surely there is no need to bend over backwards to make food super palatable and unchallenging to a child who may be overeating.

It's okay to serve up food with whole vegetables etc, that is still tasty and nutritious but if there are ingredients she doesn't like she will have to pick through her food, taking longer to do so and perhaps eating less. Even something simple like sitting around the table having a conversation (if you don't do so already, or if you do already sit around the table having some more structured conversation with rules around stopping eating to speak etc) may help to make meals last longer, in which case people tend to eat less overall.

She's probably thirsty. Let her have sugar free juice I bet it changes a lot!

A parent at school got a letter in reception about her daughter being obese. The parent said in the whatsapp group that "she just didn't understand or get why". She believe her daughter can't be overweight because she vegetarian.

Anyone with eye would say 'hmm, nope this is not a puppy fat issue'. The kid is LARGE. Mum has been in denial for years.

Its now getting to the point where this kid is struggling in school. She's starting to notice her size and the kids (being horrible kids) are saying things and making comments.

Mum's refusal to deal with this and engage with the issue has definitely been part of the issue. Its 100% about day to day meals and access to snacks and exercise NOT those occasional eating out things NOR dodgy genetics.

This girl is going to have a HARD time at high school and I really feel for her. I blame the mother.