To think it’s really hard to keep a child with a large appetite an appropriate weight

[Thedownstream]

I have 3 DCs. DC1 and DC2 have always had massive appetites, ate every single thing I put in front of them from the moment I weaned them, never refused anything at nursery, never lost their appetites even when sick. DC1 didn’t eat anything remotely unhealthy until she was three, but by that time was quite a chunk (99th centile BMI). DC2 we did baby led weaning with due to the health advice that babies will not overeat if they feed themselves (which we found not to be true in her case). Both DC1 and 2 started school overweight, but DC1 has turned out to have quite a talent for sport which she plays twice per day everyday and now aged 9 is a beanpole.

DC2 aged 5 however could not be more different, she’s naturally very inactive and struggles with sport (although reluctantly attends some sports clubs for exercise). She is always hungry and will eat until she is sick if allowed. She would easily eat a adult sized burger and chips at a restaurant if allowed. I think our diet is relatively healthy but she’s evidently eating too much either at home, school or both.

I think she would be fine weight wise however if there wasn’t so much crap food offered / available to her everywhere we go. I’ll give some examples:

• birthday parties - I’m the mum hovering over DC2 as the kind birthday mum and family try to encourage her to take 10 sandwiches, 5 slices of pizza, 50 chocolate fingers and 2 cupcakes at 3 in the afternoon, when half of the other kids are too busy playing to notice the food available.

• The kind parents on the sidelines at DC1’s sports sharing their kids’ sweets and biscuits with her.

• The mum who brings her child over for a play date and brings doughnuts for the kids.

• The portion size and options on kids menus at pubs which always come with an included dessert (we avoid going out for lunch as a result).

• The grandparents who do not listen when we say we’re trying to keep things healthy and please not to bake cakes for the kids.

• The stickers given out at school to children who finish their food. DC2 is a people pleaser who loves a sticker.

I don’t know how to navigate all this without other parents thinking I’m obsessive, or without giving DC2 food issues, but equally she can’t keep eating all this food offered to her.

In DC1’s school year so many of the children who had some puppy fat in reception are now obese (and many who were stick thin in reception are too). I don’t want that for DC2.

DC3 has a much less healthy diet than DC2 as unlike his sisters he is an incredibly fussy eater who lives off about 20 foods and usually refuses lunch entirely at nursery. He also seems to know when to stop eating even if it is a food he loves. He’s really slim (trousers always falling down) and will be one of those children who can eat all the doughnuts in the world and not put on weight (probably because he then won’t eat anything else for the rest of the day).

So AIBU to think DC2 is destined for a life of being overweight or with a complex about food given her appetite and all the unhealthy food thrown at her (by others) on a regular basis?

I think some kids are naturally very fond of eating - they're just made that way. As more crap ultra-processed food is available these days, you see more overweight kids unfortunately, but there have always been kids who just love to eat.

One of DS's friends is like that, he's loved food since he was a baby, and even though the parents give him healthy food and limit treats, he's still overweight because he'll overeat the healthy stuff too. It's tough for his parents, as they're both very slim and health-conscious - they have to limit portion size and stop him eating and eating, which is hard.

Appetite is slow to change. So she will say she’s hungry when she is having less than she is used to. You need to ensure that she gets plenty of protein and fat, while minimising sugar. And you absolutely need to get her being as active as possible.

At birthday parties, let her eat what she wants. On all other occasions, you need to be giving appropriate portions, and then if she’s still hungry, she gets fruit, veg, plain chicken (not satay sticks), or cheese. She’s still growing, so you don’t put her on a diet, obviously, but you do need to make better choices for her and not blame it all on other people.

You keep saying it's what she eats outside pf the home but you haven't actually said what you feed her at home. Apart feom saying she has some cereal for breakfast and some chicken satay sticks. Considering school meals are portion controlled and calorie controlled it's not likely to be those that are causing the issue. You said that both your children started school overweight. So what does a day's food look like at home when she isn't having anything outside. Just what you feed her?

So tell us a typical day on a Saturday.

Want is she eating when you are in total control.

You say a bowl of bran flakes...but how much is she having? 25g? 60g?

When she has crisps does she eat a bag of Doritos in her own, it is she having half a pack of pombears?

A small amount of sweets? Is she having one of those little 10p bags of haribo with about 8-10.small sweets on a Saturday afternoon and that's it.

Or is she actually having 6 fruit pastilles in Saturday morning, a few strawberry laces in the afternoon, and some jelly beans after dinner, and the having a smoothie on Sunday morning, a animal bar of chocolate at afternoon snack, and a chocolate frog from nana....

I totally get this. I have a 2.5 year old, and she is obsessed with eating. I suspect a lot of the negative comments come from parents with children who are not like that. She will literally hang around any table with food on and just want more and more and more. Doesn't matter what it is. She's so.differentntonmy friends' children l, who all seem to have inbuilt portion control. She just doesn't seem to. Just seems to like food! Im not sure what the answer is

Could you ask for a referral to a dietician?

So during the week we both work and so no option for a cooked breakfast. At the weekend we are also usually out really early for sports. I think bran flakes is pretty good for a breakfast.

DC1 (big appetite very active not overweight) has twice the size breakfast of DC2.

Exercise mid week is limited. I think that could be a big issue. Afterschool club is sedentary. They do offer an ‘active’ activity but it’s usually dodgeball and it’s not much fun being 5 and having older kids pelt you with balls, so she and the little kids do crafts.

Weekends she does football, hockey and swimming and is often taken to watch her sister play sport and is on her feet for that. Sometimes she runs about with her brother. Sometimes she watches the iPad of another child watching (we don’t bring an iPad but there is often a child there with one).

Weekend food would typically be branflakes, wrap and veg sticks for lunch, 2x snacks (one usually crisps / crackers / cereal bar as out and about), dinner spaghetti bolognese with small amount of fruit afterwards. Plus whatever sweets she’s been offered whilst watching DC1 play sport.

We don't discuss calories but do discuss healthy choices, what it does for our bodies (energy etc) & being full. Is she drinking enough? We do water or occasionally sugar free juice. I don't buy fruit juice/sweets & only buy crisps once a week for a movie or Sat night - family bag to share between 5 type thing. We don't really want processed foods & that's been the best swap. It's hard to give exact advice without knowing what you eat/portions etc. I'd focus on increasing activity - find something she enjoys. For my DD it was skating/ice-skating & skateboarding!

It doesn't matter what your other child eats.

If it's the portion sizes, then reduce them.

Give her time - she’s not 5 one of mine was chubby at that age - it wore off

Only*

My DS absolutely loves food (he's nearly 5) and can sometimes eat as much as an adult.
But his meals are veg heavy.

Some of the things he has, to give you an idea for your child OP.
Breakfasts;
Plain greek yogurt, berries, cacot nibs and a teaspoon of honey.
Boiled egg and buttered soldiers
Cheese omelette (1 egg)
Porridge (chia and flaxseed mixed in) with berries.

Main meals;
Grilled mackerel, broccoli, carrots and peas with a bit of sweet potato.

Macaroni cheese, with "hidden veg" sauce, served with half his plate as salad.

Chicken and spinach curry,.(With onions and tomatoes in coconut milk based sauce) Served with more veg, like broccoli and some brown rice.

His typical packed lunch is ; goats cheese and spinach roll/wap, cucumber, cherry tomatoes, carrot stick, celery , and sometimes a yoghurt dip. Some cheese, a piece of fruit, and some unsalted nuts (he likes pistachios).

If he complains he's hungry between meals, he gets offered plain oatcakes, veggie sticks, pickle gherkins/beetroot/onions.

He'll have crisps maybe once a week and that's half a pack of a 30g bag of whatever.
He has sweet treats at school ( the pudding is often a muffin/cookie/jelly) during week. So at weekend he might have a pack of 10p haribo, or a little multi pack bag of skittles, or one of those little tubes of parma violets

She might still feel hungry if her diet isn't balanced, or be confusing hunger and thirst. It's good you're working out why she feels like this rather than assuming she doesn't.

Maybe give fruit and yoghurt as well at breakfast (possibly reducing the bran flakes slightly). Berries or a sliced banana can be added quickly to cereal.

Rather than cut out other snacks completely could you downgrade them slightly, so raisins instead of haribo or making a fruit salad with grandparents as a treat?

Also look at the wraps and cereal bars, they can be much higher in fat, sugar and calories than the packaging suggests.

My 7 year old is similar, she eats healthily but just really loves food and eats a lot. Spends all of birthday parties eating junk!
I actually just started by own thread about it and did get some helpful advice.

I've taken the breastfeeding on demand, baby led weaning, healthy food and let them self-regulate approach with my children and it worked perfectly with one, two are overweight.

There is an option for a cooked breakfast.

You can make omelette bites, put them in fridge/freezer, takes not even a minute to reheat. Serve with a glass of milk. Wrap them in a wholemeal wrap with cheese/spinach if you like.
You can put cheese, pepper, onions etc in the bites.

What makes you think bran flakes are a good breakfast? There's little nutrition. She won't stay full on processed flakes of bran. She would fare better having plain yoghurt and berries.

What's in the wrap for lunch?

Ditch the crisps and cereal bars as out and about snacks. We take tubs of whole nuts, veggie sticks, babybels, apples etc for our on the go snacks

What drinks is she having? (Hint she should be mostly having water or milk)

I agree with this - we also struggle. Family style eating / any opportunity to help themself e.g. a party buffet my DC will be at the food table the entire time unless told no.

it's really hard!

Presumably she's running around at playtime though? So hopefully around 60 minutes???

If she sedentary after school, then you need to make sure she's not after school. They should be running round/active for 2-3 hours or more a day with at least an hour if it being vigorous... Eg running, scooting, jumping etc.

You need to find ways for her to move more.

I think activity is key, as my two eat SO much but they burn it as they're constantly moving. DS needs movement after school so most nights it is the park straight from school and of not football in the garden. What time do they finish after school club? Could you go to the park from there before tea? Do you walk home or drive? At the weekend maybe factor in time for soft play or a trampoline park. Or a scooter ride. If they're not into joining in with sport I think fun movement is the way.

I have to be careful with my first she is an average weight 25-35th percentile but short. Until recently she was 1st percentile for height which put her at the top of a healthy BMI. She's moved up to the 4th percentile for height and now 80th percentile BMI and she looks better for it.

She has a very restricted diet due to allergies, reflux and a tendency towards loose stools. She goes through weeks of only eating 1 meal a day and a bite or two of a second but her weight gain is always brilliant. Her activity drops with her food consumption which I think contributes to her not losing weight. I would keep a really honest food diary for a week because there is stuff you mention as a few times a week that we have a few times a year. Crisps we buy a 6 pack of once or twice a year for picnics and taking to parties. Sweets are birthdays, birthday parties and Christmas. Not being able to buy things really helps reduce frequency! I do wonder whether things have sneaked more frequent than you have realised

I completely agree with you OP. It's hard for people to understand who haven't experienced it. People are quick to judge parents of overweight children but don't consider how much input actually comes from the child. Both my now adult daughters have always been slim. They had small appetites as children. I literally could have given them keys to their own sweetshop and they'd have just got excited about looking around it, having the odd nibble.
I on the other hand was like your daughter. Always hungry and basically greedy. My mum cooked from scratch every night, it was the 70s. By age 5 I knew all the tricks. Offer to take my own plate into the kitchen after dinner, and while I was there search for leftovers or wolf down a slice of bread. Finish my friend's leftovers at school lunch and on playdates. Always hovered round the food table at parties. My mum tried as hard as she could to keep my weight down but didn't succeed.

I do think you need to stop blaming others.

Her breakfast sounds dire. Use an air fryer to cook things as you get ready. Hashbrowns, sausage pattys. Also tinned fruit. Yogurt. Scrambled eggs in the microwave. Overnight oats. I work but make time for my kids breakfast. Also packed lunch.

Go for bike rides, walks together. Loads of options for you.

Some things that seem healthy aren't. I'm guessing the satay chicken and cereal bars are UPF which can effect our appetite and cravings etc.

It sounds like you are trying a lot, but I'd probably focus on reducing processed food to basically none, allowing free range veg snacks, and focusing on lots of fibre, healthy fats and protein at meal times.

Can you encourage movement after school with something like a 'dance party', Wii games, or is it possible for her to be outside while you do stuff inside? E.g. we have a gated driveway which I can see from the kitchen so I can get on with stuff indoors and they play outside.

My parents insisted on healthy meals and snacks too, to the point I immediately made a beeline for any chocolate and treats on offer at parties and events and clubs and gorged myself silly because I couldn't get them otherwise.

Bran flakes are high in sugar. Sugar = fat. If you insist on feeding her cereal rice crispies are a low fat low sugar option. It should be weighed out. You will be surprised just by weighing out a portion how much you're actually meant to have it's 30g per portion don't know if that's an adult portion would have to read the pack. I'd have that for my breakfast with a boiled egg for protein as it keeps you fuller for longer. Obviously there is more issues here than just breakfast but I don't believe filling kids up on sugars before school will be helping they will be crashing by lunchtime.

Hash browns, sausage pattys and tinned fruit sound awful. Kind of like if Wetherspoons did war rations.