To think it’s really hard to keep a child with a large appetite an appropriate weight

[Thedownstream]

I have 3 DCs. DC1 and DC2 have always had massive appetites, ate every single thing I put in front of them from the moment I weaned them, never refused anything at nursery, never lost their appetites even when sick. DC1 didn’t eat anything remotely unhealthy until she was three, but by that time was quite a chunk (99th centile BMI). DC2 we did baby led weaning with due to the health advice that babies will not overeat if they feed themselves (which we found not to be true in her case). Both DC1 and 2 started school overweight, but DC1 has turned out to have quite a talent for sport which she plays twice per day everyday and now aged 9 is a beanpole.

DC2 aged 5 however could not be more different, she’s naturally very inactive and struggles with sport (although reluctantly attends some sports clubs for exercise). She is always hungry and will eat until she is sick if allowed. She would easily eat a adult sized burger and chips at a restaurant if allowed. I think our diet is relatively healthy but she’s evidently eating too much either at home, school or both.

I think she would be fine weight wise however if there wasn’t so much crap food offered / available to her everywhere we go. I’ll give some examples:

• birthday parties - I’m the mum hovering over DC2 as the kind birthday mum and family try to encourage her to take 10 sandwiches, 5 slices of pizza, 50 chocolate fingers and 2 cupcakes at 3 in the afternoon, when half of the other kids are too busy playing to notice the food available.

• The kind parents on the sidelines at DC1’s sports sharing their kids’ sweets and biscuits with her.

• The mum who brings her child over for a play date and brings doughnuts for the kids.

• The portion size and options on kids menus at pubs which always come with an included dessert (we avoid going out for lunch as a result).

• The grandparents who do not listen when we say we’re trying to keep things healthy and please not to bake cakes for the kids.

• The stickers given out at school to children who finish their food. DC2 is a people pleaser who loves a sticker.

I don’t know how to navigate all this without other parents thinking I’m obsessive, or without giving DC2 food issues, but equally she can’t keep eating all this food offered to her.

In DC1’s school year so many of the children who had some puppy fat in reception are now obese (and many who were stick thin in reception are too). I don’t want that for DC2.

DC3 has a much less healthy diet than DC2 as unlike his sisters he is an incredibly fussy eater who lives off about 20 foods and usually refuses lunch entirely at nursery. He also seems to know when to stop eating even if it is a food he loves. He’s really slim (trousers always falling down) and will be one of those children who can eat all the doughnuts in the world and not put on weight (probably because he then won’t eat anything else for the rest of the day).

So AIBU to think DC2 is destined for a life of being overweight or with a complex about food given her appetite and all the unhealthy food thrown at her (by others) on a regular basis?

My now adult children are both ND with food issues. One undereats and eats only very unhealthy stuff. The other has this thing where she cannot tell when she is full, however she eats very healthy foods. As a child she would eat until she was sick. I had to battle mother inlaw overfeeding her behind my pack (she literally gave my dd an entire pack of biscuits one day for example. Both of them have an issue with textures.

You are going to have to excercise portion control for her whilst you still can. Rather than bran flakes for breakfast I used to give mine Weetabix Protein Crunch which have a similar if not less sugar but more protein (This was mostyy for ds as we had to try and get protein in in somehow. I get the difficulties when you work. So did we and other people would feed them crap which for dd made her put on weight and for ds made him lose weight as a bag of crisps would fill him up so he wouldn't eat anything else! If I gave them crisps it was a handful of pom bears/frazzles/french frieson a plate with a sandwich and salad veg, not a whole bag of Walkers!

Well the sweetcorn and tomatoes is a good addition! And yes, you did say he was having the chicken satay so I guess he gets good protein. It is hard. The fruit is a big win!

Healthy fat and protein are needed to feel full. Meals without a good balance of fat and protein will leave your daughter feeling hungry. Snack, do fruit and protein eg apple with peanut butter (coincidentally the only way I will eat peanut butter) or a handful of nuts.

Carbs in fruit, vegetables and grains (eg rice) are fine because they are accompanied by fibre. Carbs from bread and crackers / crisps are not, so they're not filling.

Fibre, fat and protein are what you need.

I would be asking the school to review whether the stickers are supporting healthy lifestyles as for your DD they are encouraging her to eat more food even when she is full

Mine hovers around the top end of the healthy BMI. I grew up with a lot of food restrictions which basically resulted in me being overweight. So we’ve taken the self regulation approach.

At nursery though they used to give out stickers for finishing your food and then because she had polished off her lunchbox they would tell me she needed more food. I only found out about the stickers at the end of nursery but it’s taken a few years for her to leave food if she doesn’t want it. I wish they would leave kids alone and let them decide how much they want, really screwed up her appetite for a bit.

She still has a big appetite, she does a lot of sport and is otherwise fit and healthy. I have started saying no to a few more things now and I think as time goes on she’ll probably drop a snack. I’m sort of trying to keep her weight steady rather than reduce it by making sure she’s getting enough exercise and focusing on protein. Some children are driven more by food than others, DD’s best friend at nursery had to be coaxed to eat every bite, DD was the exact opposite.

To be fair she does sometimes choose fruit over chocolate and she does have a stash of sweets at home she forgets about (collected from parties etc that just end up in a box or the fridge) etc I tried not to make food too loaded for her and I don’t think any good comes from going on about food too much or restricting in an obvious way. It also has to be whole family, everyone eats similar things no special rules for individuals etc.

I think protein and fibre for breakfast is really helpful, yogurt, cheese, eggs, milk, oats rather than sugary carbs like cereas.

I think you are right OP. Some people who's children are naturally skinny despite eating a pretty rubbish diet look at overweight kids and think - gosh, their diet must be absolutely horrible and parents must be stuffing them! If you have one/some of each type, you realise it's not that simple.

One of my dc has no off switch. She's only slightly chubby but it's all my effort to keep her that way. I'm literally constantly saying no. My other dc has the same diet, plus he eats extra at school - but he's skinny.

I think some people do have strong appetites and those people will potentially have a struggle to maintain their weight. I am one of those people I have two children and one of my kids is very similar to me. The other child is very similar to his dad who doesn’t have a strong appetite and both have to force themselves to eat.

I maintain my generally healthy weight by fasting everyday and have maintained that lifestyle for about five years. I am by no means slim but I would say I’m average sized. I help my child by never forcing them to eat when they’re not hungry. So mornings are a time where they are happy not to eat, I’m absolutely fine with that. I’ve explained how easy it is to overeat processed foods and how none of us can overeat boiled chicken breast or hard boiled eggs. It’s just not possible.

So lots of education around food and satiety has helped and he now does an intense sports for three hours a week and is starting to enjoy sport at school. So the activity level has increased which means the waist circumference is going down.

I'd try to up the protein - pro biotic yogurts, handful of nuts, houmous with veggie sticks.

Up the exercise - make it fun, we love a good wellie walk with umbrella and waterproofs on, scooting, soft play, trampoline parks, swimming. There are 2 days on the weekend to get some solid exercise in.

Timings - the time we eat is very important. I'd be inclined to have the main meal (to fill up) as early in the evening as you can manage. Then just veggie sticks and fruit after that.

Distraction - if you find they constantly asking for food from boredom, have some crafts ready for them do to. Or one thing we love to do at home in the winter is put on some fun keep fit dance videos on YouTube to copy and the kids are usually laughing at me or other half trying to keep up.

You said they don't drink alot - I have the same problem with mine, I have found a drop of squash just to give it a hint of flavour really helps and can actually be enough to satisfy a sweet craving too.

It's all easier said than done, I know. Just try not to get too stressed over it. One meal does not make you fat, it's the accumulation time, so just find the balance best you can.

Just remember they literally have a lot of growing UP to do, and kids go through growth spurts where they do get more hungry. If you are concerned at all, pop them to the health visitor and they will have more helpful advice for you 🙂

I get your frustration, OP. I've got a dd (11) who adores food and always has done. She piled weight on as a baby as she couldn't get enough milk, then when we started weaning her she ploughed through everything we gave her and in the end I'd have to cut her off- food saturation point didn't exist for her and I was worried she'd eat until she threw up. As a toddler she was a healthy weight but at the chunkier end of healthy. She's never been fat per se but she's always been very well covered especially compared to the other kids who were all like rakes compared to her. I've always tried to give her healthy food and succeeded at least 85% of the time but unhealthy food would creep through. And then like you say on top of that I've also found that people want to treat dd with sweets, crisps, cakes etc whenever she went to someone else's house. And I found it frustrating that I couldn't control that easily. I also assumed that once she started school that the weight would fall off her, but it didn't.

What I did find that helped was enrolling her into various active clubs- she did swimming and dancing (and now also football). Taking her out on her bike as often as possible. Walking to and from school, plus going on walks at the weekend. Not buying any crisps, biscuits or cakes for the house at all. Also, I noticed my dd always wanted seconds after dinner regardless of how full she was so I started only giving her half a portion. Then if she was hungry and wanted more to eat she'd get the other half. It seemed to psychologically trick her head into thinking she'd had enough food after two helpings when she'd actually only had one portion.

Anyway, this has been an ongoing thing for about 6 years now and she's a lovely healthy size now. She's very sensible about what she eats and has a good relationship with food. She recognises now when she's full and will stop eating before she's finished her first plate if she's feeling full. So I think it's about recognising it's a problem that might not sort itself out with age, understanding that you can't control every food related aspect in her life, but that you can control what you give her, and then make consistent small changes.

Grandparents have been the biggest problem for me when it's come to ensuring my children eat healthily! Every conversation fallen on deaf ears.....

Could it be down to genetics? My three children were given the same diet and brought up the same but one always struggled with their weight. I will say that after puberty she 'stretched out' but still is more pear shaped and heavier than the others. She was always the most sporty too.

Sorry to hear you are in the same position! I haven’t taken her for a blood test no. Did you do that with your DC and did it show anything?

Main issue is all of the awful ultra processed cheap food she’s eating. Absolutely terrible for her wellbeing long term. Anything frozen labelled as dippy, crispy, frosted etc is designed to trigger a taste reaction that makes you want more. She needs fresh vegetables, plenty of crudités, fruits and proper meat. I would guess the school menu will be utterly dreadful too so perhaps packed lunches?

Do not let her have fizzy drinks of any kind. Water, milk and the occasional tiny amount of squash because before you know it she will be a fully committed member of the sugar addiction club.

You have to be firm. Restrict dd to portion size at home and keep to protein fruit veg and lomited carbs. Restrict the sugary crap.. you know what I mean.. biscuits cakes sweets and chocolate and fizzy pop. You have to set the rules to be kind to your daughter. If at a party tell the parents she cant overload plate. 'Cruel to be kind'. She will thank you for caring.

It's so hard isn't it, my kids are teens now but if I had my time again I would focus on filling them up with healthy fats such as Avacado (hidden in smoothies if needed), nuts, cheese, certain small quantities of creams added to meals. Plenty of protein (which you said you're doing) I wouldn't give diet or low calorie snacks, peanut butter and apple, etc . Cereals aren't a great breakfast really but mine have them too for ease, I'd be giving dippy eggs or a protein based breakfast if I was concerned - and I do when I can. Unfortunately all advice will be to limit high fat foods but evidence is suggesting high fat, lower carb diets are healthier. It's hard when you both work have young children.

Sorry would give snacks such as cheese and pineapple and peanut butter and apple etc x

It's probably not very helpful for her to spend weekend time watching her siblings play sports while she waits around not doing very much! Can you find an activity for her at the same time and just pick up your older DD at the end instead of watching her? It's quite a big chunk of dead time for your younger DD.

I think a lot of it is small things adding up- that's what it is for most adults or kids who are overweight (like me, by the way), but it can be hard to make changes in a sustainable and long term way.

I never really thought about DD's weight and they have never been overweight, and they are 19 and 15 now, and DH and I are both overweight ourselves. They were fairly chonky babies/toddlers. DD2 in particular nearly bit the spoon through she was so ready for some pureed veg- no point in freezing little ice cubes of stuff for her as she ate loads from the start. She was 9lbs 2oz and 60cm when she was born- 10cm and over 1lb heavier than DD1 so she was never going to be tiny. She's about 10 stone now and 5"10", size 9.5 feet. DD1 is about 8.5-9 stone and 5'4", DD2 size 8-10 and DD1 size 6-8. DD2 in particular always went mad for sweets (a bit less now in her mid teens) and I remember DD1 coming back from a party and being sick as she's eaten so many sweets. I do cook a lot but they certainly don't have a convenience food free diet. And my home cooking doesn't shirk on the oil and butter and can be rather hearty. They have always been reasonably good eaters though, apart from the odd fussy phase, and I've always been able to get them to eat plenty of veg and fruit.

They have also always been active, as am I, even though my BMI is 28 I am fit and go to the gym and do yoga so I've always modelled a healthy active lifestyle- doing healthy active things you enjoy as a key part of life- for them and talked about health rather than gone on about trying to lose weight myself, I am so fat, I hate my body etc.

We nearly always walked to and from primary school - even getting the bus to secondary school there was a bit of walking at each end - uphill on the way in for DD1.

They both did dancing and several classes a week at times, DD2 also had a go at gymnastics and athletics out of school. DD1 still does dance and has kept it up at university, DD2 loves going to the gym and plays football on an U16s team wants to do something sporty for a career like coaching or personal training.

We also had a trampoline in the garden that was used nearly every day and live in a cul de sac so they were often out on bikes, roller skates etc as I was as a kid. They did love quiet and less active things too - DD1 I could really just plonk in front of CBeebies at one point and DD2 is really into gaming. Both like playing Minecraft and The Sims and can do it for hours even now. But I felt they had a good balance and had a natural desire to run about so screen time wasn't really an issue.

Nobody gets fat on carrots and fruit.

I was thinking the same thing 😬.
A bowl of bran flakes will have less calories then a sausage patty and hash brown!

Avoid all UPF

It is hard. One of my dc is prone to overeating. His siblings are not. I have no snacks in the house only fruit. They will eat bread without asking so I buy part baked stuff. I caught them eating butter with their fingers 🤦‍♀️. Honestly best thing is keep them busy. Activities so scouts , kayaking (in the pool this time of year) ski lessons on a dry slope (skiing is like boot camp it’s brutal but burns a lot of calories) endless dog walking. Calorie in = calorie out. Boring snacks, sugar free muesli with full fat yoghurt is filling and boring. Porridge for breakfast. Take bananas and water when out so don’t need to buy snacks.

Can you imagine a five year old eating Bran Flakes?

Plus cereals are fairly highly processed.

Sorry, confused.
Everyone recommending more exercise - does exercise not increase appetite? Is the goal to make her hungrier?

I think for young children, under ten, activity is so much part of it as kids are meant to be running about.

My diet was mostly pretty awful growing up, loads of convenience food, hardly any fresh vegetables or cooked to death if we had them, loads of sweets, crisps, biscuits, fizzy drinks, squash, you name it.

But I wasn't overweight (until my mid teens, then I did manage to lose weight and get to a healthy weight again at sixth form college) as I was pretty active.