To tell my friend that her husband is trying to cheat on her - with me?

[ThisLoudBeaker]

My friend’s husband has been DMing me inappropriate messages for weeks, and while I’ve brushed them off, I’m starting to think I should tell her. But I know this would blow up her family, and she’ll probably hate me more than him. AIBU to stay quiet and avoid the drama?

Why are you putting his behaviour onto OP? OP can't answer for him.

So many of us have been raised to not cause a fuss, be nice and polite and hope it stops. I’ve started to go against this but only recently.
I was in a situation a few times where a friend’s husband openly flirted with me in front of her
I always just laughed and brushed it off whilst feeling very uncomfortable. I think he was doing it to belittle her. If he had ever contacted me though I would have told her. If a friend of mine told me that DH was messaging them this way, I wouldn’t fall out with my friend over it. This is entirely HIS fault.

I've read the 'reason' she gave for allowing this to continue for weeks.

But nope, still totally mystified.

She didn't want to cause 'drama' so she allowed him to keep messaging her, asking for 'fun' while his wife (her actual friend) isn't around.

Yep, mystified.

If it was the other way round I'm sure you'd want to know! Just get out into the open what a pr|ck he's being.

I can't understand how your first reply wasn't "what on earth makes you think sending me this is appropriate" but anyway, it's done now.

Block him, you will still have the messages and tell her. Prepare for the fallout of not shutting it done immediately, and how disappointing she may find that, however her anger should be directed at him. What a sleazy arsehole he is.

5iveleafclover

I am not. He is responsible for his own behaviour , as is she. For messages from him to have gone on for wks is something the OP might like to reflect on. What replies were given (or not given) for wks of messaging to have occurred

At the risk of making you feel less 'special' - if you don't tell her there's every chance he might love on to someone else who doesn't brush it off.

Of course, you might be the love of his life and I might be being cynical...

Don’t be horrible. The OP hasn’t given one hint that she is enjoying this, quite the opposite.

He must have been very sure that you’d reciprocate otherwise why would he so seriously expose his feelings to you showing in writing this making it very easy to show his his wife!

Not sure why you haven't just told him to fuck off.

Do you have a partner OP?

Tell her. However she believe him not you here. Just screenshot messages and block him..

OP - I think you are secretly flattered - otherwise you would have shut it down from the 1st message

or indeed the very first whiff that something inappropriate… stopped engaging

but it would appear the Op carried on engaging. And on…

"She allowed it to continue for weeks". "She allowed HIM to keep messaging her"

There we have it folks. It's all the woman's fault when we receive unwanted male 'attention'. No criticism of the creepy, slimy male behaviour. Interesting.

Tell him to fuck off and block.

Honestly why do people make things more complicated than it needs to be.

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

Regardless of how you go about it, your friendship with this woman is over, and the odds that she will blame you and forgive him are 99.99%. It sucks but it is what it is. So you can go about it anyway you like, really- the result will be the same.

I would certainly tell her.
Its awful but I would tell her.

I am in a similar situation.
Only that the OW entertains my DH's messages and prompts.
When I am around she pretends she is not interested however given an opportunity they seem to want to be all over each other.
Just imagine seeing your DH lusting for OW that he cannot control himself?

Please tell her and be there for her.

Either these messages are really nothing untoward (stupid of him to put it in writing if he was being sleazy) and the OP has excitedly read in to them incorrectly

OR

he really did think the Op was keen (because because she has been flirty with him) so for some unfathomable reason decided to put his sleaziness in writing and start pursuing the Op, in which case the Op quite clearly didn’t shut it down and here we are….

Absolutely.... true friendship is based on honesty. If you don't tell her you aren't her friend.

I agree with many others here, the way you have handled this is appalling.

I would never forgive a friend if this was happening and she chose not to tell me. And the friendship will not automatically end because of it, a close friend has been in this situation and it only strengthened their friendship because she was the only one of several who knew, that respected her enough to tell her!

Its a shit situation all-round but honestly imagine if she finds out it was happening and you HADN'T said anything, that's way worse :(

Message him "Stop messaging me, I'm not interested. What do you think your wife would think of these messages? If you send any more I'm going to send them all to your wife and let her decide."
If he doesn't take that warning and stop the consequences are on his own head.

You'll always be the baddie in this situation op

Why do people like you always do this on threads like these?

You know full well a lot of us are saying it's entirely his fault.

But that the OP should definitely have given the little button that says 'block', a click.

As adults, we do what we can to help ourselves.

The OP clearly doesn't like the attention from her friend's husband, but she allowed it to go on for weeks and THAT is what many of us are querying.

But you know that anyway 🙄