Firstly, well done on raising such awesome kids.
I was reading a study last night which discusses this exact thing. There's even names for it. Sorry for the wall of text but this is the pertinent bit..
Edited to add the study is about low sex drive in women.
Heteronormativity Hypothesis 1: Inequitable Gendered Divisions of Labor Leads to Inequitable Gendered Divisions of Desire In Prediction 1.1, women’s higher number of labor hours, across labor type, contributes to their lower sexual desire. Heteronormativity brings about inequitable gendered divisions of labor for women partnered with men, cogently labeled a “second shift” by Hochschild and Machung (1989) over 30 years ago but as prevalent as ever. However, gendered divisions in some domains—like the workplace—are far outstripped by others—like personal lives (Coltrane, 2000, 2004; Hochschild & Machung, 1989; Sayer, 2005). This is true for bedrocks of heteronormative assumptions about women’s and men’s essences: household labor, relational labor, and childcare. Women are therefore expected to—and do—the majority of inside-house work including relational labor (e.g., developing social plans, relationship maintenance, family management for children/ elders) (Curran et al., 2015; Erickson, 2005; Horne & Johnson, 2019; Robertson et al., 2019). In Prediction 1.2, inequities in the type of chores allotted to women contribute to their lower desire. Research has shown that women tend to do more of the routine and frequent chores such as cooking, washing dishes, cleaning, and laundry; these chores are sometimes called “low schedule control” chores because there is little discretion as to whether, how, and when they must be done (Barnett & Shen, 1997; Estes et al., 2007). Men, on the other hand, tend to be in charge of more “high schedule control” chores such as home, car, and lawn maintenance, which are performed less frequently and with more fexibility. Absolute time spent on low, but not high, control chores is associated with increased psychological distress (Barnett & Shen, 1997); thus, the inequitable allocation of low schedule control chores may also contribute to women’s low sexual desire. The psychological distress associated with low schedule control chores is part of what makes them unpleasant. There Fig. 1 Heteronormativity contributes to low sexual desire in women partnered with men, in at least four ways Heteronormativity Inequitable division of labor Caregiver-Mother role to partner Objectification Gender norms about sexual initiation Sexual Desire - - - - Archives of Sexual Behavior (2022) 51:391–415 399 1 3 are also other inequities in the pleasantness of the chores allocated to women. For example, research has shown that there is an inequitable division in the “recreation-style” aspects of childcare like playing games or reading (which make up a greater portion of men’s parenting) and “chore-like” aspects like diapering or feeding (which make up a greater portion of women’s parenting) (Craig & Powell, 2011). Of course, some of these “chores” can be enjoyable and involve loving and caring, but much of the labor that disparately falls on women is widely acknowledged to be unpleasant (Coltrane, 2000), including cleaning urine, feces, and toilets for children, elders, and others who need it.6 Research is clear that men try and do avoid these kinds of chores (Bianchi et al., 2012; Craig & Powell, 2011), even in the face of women partners’ attempts to move to parity (Latshaw, 2015; Lockman, 2019). It is not difcult to imagine who disproportionately benefts from structures built around the belief that women “naturally” want a similar amount of paid work hours to men’s but also additional unpaid shifts at home performing unpleasant and mundane chores with less time for recreation and relaxation. In Prediction 1.3, gender inequities in childcare more...
Full article: International Society for the Study of Women's Sexual Health Clinical Practice Guideline for the Use of Systemic Testosterone for Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder in Women (tandfonline.com)