Bonfire night etiquette.

[herewegogogox]

My mother is no means rich but she does ok... she very kindly invited myself and my sister & our families (totalling 3 adults, 4 children) to hers for bonfire night ... she said there would be fireworks in her freshly renovated garden and pie & peas.. wonderful i thought as she has a habit of expecting me and my sister to provide her with meals when she comes to our house (often) and has never been the sort of mother to look after you at hers... to the point where if you visit bring a pack up as you are getting nothing.. she's also always been a bit like "if I do this for you.. you do this for me"

Anyway... at home we aren't the sort to go all out on bonfire night we get a few sparklers in for kids but nothing extreme.. so i thought how lovely it will be.

I'm not above contributing.. she is a divorcee on her own, but as she hadn't mentioned anything i assumed nothing was needed..until...

Today at mine (whilst eating the food I made her) she informed myself and my sister that she had ordered the pies, peas and gravy.. wonderful i thought...she then went on to say that myself and my sister would be expected to pay for all the fireworks...

I was blindsided... she never once mentioned this when we were initially invited? Fireworks are not at all cheap especially to entertain children 8 & over...I don't think I would have been angry about it if it wasn't delivered in a more "you don't might contributing?" sort of way.. it was expected & frankly I'm furious.

Do I say anything?? My sister is equally as shocked.

AIBU?

More lazy Northern stereotypes! I grew up in Manchester. Everyone there says packed lunch. The first time I ate a pie was on holiday in Australia. Just because your husband’s family do something doesn’t mean all northerners do anymore than it means all brits do…

This is not really about bonfire night though, is it? It’s about the difference in opinion between your mother and you & your sister as to how the relationship should work.
You, quite rightly, believe that an adult who hosts should provide the venue, refreshment, entertainment etc, unless explicitly stated at the time of issuing the invitation. This is particularly true if the adult in question is your mother. A degree of care and nurture can be taken for granted in a healthy relationship.
Your mother clearly sees it as her children’s responsibility to look after her! She invites you round. Then wants you to pay or provide. It may be that she sees you as adults with jobs and she sees herself as poor in relation to you.
YANBU but it may be that you need to have a sit down chat with your sister and your mother to explain how let down you both feel when DM does this. Be prepared for her to put her point of view over too.
If that is not possible, just clarify expectations every single time an invite is extended.
“That would be lovely DM. Do you need me to bring anything? I could provide pudding if you are getting the pies and the fireworks”. If she springs it on you at a later date, pull out of the event. “I won’t have time to buy fireworks, mum so maybe best if we don’t come this year”. If you don’t tackle it, it will continue to drive you nuts.
I think there is a wider issue generally about expectations as to who pays for what at family events as children become adults. It needs a discussion so everyone is on the same page. We recently took our adult children and their partners on holiday. We paid for accommodation, food, meals out etc. They paid their own flights, bought most of the booze and picked up small bills like coffee out. Worked well for everyone.
The crying your mum does when you raise this sounds like common or garden manipulation, however and you should refuse to feel guilty.
“This is clearly making you upset, which is not the intention. Let’s talk about it when you are feeling stronger”.

Northerner here greater Manchester / Lancashire- pasties more than pies. Chips with gravy. Bonfire night jacket potatoes treacle toffee gingerbread.

Just take some sparklers. If she has some wood and scraps make a bonfire in ssid new garden and sit around it toasting mashmellows. Very simple.

What is the issue with pies? I thought southerners ate pie and mash? Nothing wrong with good butcher bought pies. You sound insufferable.

I also agree with pp suggesting the public display.