Bonfire night etiquette.

[herewegogogox]

My mother is no means rich but she does ok... she very kindly invited myself and my sister & our families (totalling 3 adults, 4 children) to hers for bonfire night ... she said there would be fireworks in her freshly renovated garden and pie & peas.. wonderful i thought as she has a habit of expecting me and my sister to provide her with meals when she comes to our house (often) and has never been the sort of mother to look after you at hers... to the point where if you visit bring a pack up as you are getting nothing.. she's also always been a bit like "if I do this for you.. you do this for me"

Anyway... at home we aren't the sort to go all out on bonfire night we get a few sparklers in for kids but nothing extreme.. so i thought how lovely it will be.

I'm not above contributing.. she is a divorcee on her own, but as she hadn't mentioned anything i assumed nothing was needed..until...

Today at mine (whilst eating the food I made her) she informed myself and my sister that she had ordered the pies, peas and gravy.. wonderful i thought...she then went on to say that myself and my sister would be expected to pay for all the fireworks...

I was blindsided... she never once mentioned this when we were initially invited? Fireworks are not at all cheap especially to entertain children 8 & over...I don't think I would have been angry about it if it wasn't delivered in a more "you don't might contributing?" sort of way.. it was expected & frankly I'm furious.

Do I say anything?? My sister is equally as shocked.

AIBU?

Why is it snobbery to ask what the OP meant? Other people also assumed it was a typo for 'back up' which would have made sense in the sentence.
I'm not British, and have never heard the term 'pack up'- hence I asked. How exactly is that snobbery??? @ilovesooty

It is hardly snobbery to not know a phrase in regional dialect. I only know pack up means packed lunch from being on here, just like I now know people in the Midlands use "mom", again only from here.

I was in the US once and someone said sarcastically to me "Ooh, did you go to the CINEMA to see a FILM?", and it completely passed me by that he was taking the piss and thought I should be going to the "theater" to see a "movie" - I just said "yes I did".

Spot the southern!

Let her cry. Stop feeling guilty.

Backyard fireworks are dangerous. Go to a display.

Regardless of who's paying, you've got to love a pie and pea supper. Preferably meat and potato pie, with Hendo's. Leftovers, you can have in your packing up.

I'm American and even I can infer from the context that it means a packed meal.

It could just as easily mean 'bring a back up' though- which would make perfect sense too!

I've never had pie and peas and I am all for it. I'll buy fireworks if I can come

There was another thread which said “Better to feel guilty, than resentful”

Butchers pies and peas are a must for a bonfire….I don’t know why people are confused/outraged by this.

I'm just jealous that bonfire night is still a thing some places! Ours have been cancelled for a couple of years now due to the council having no funds.... I remember fondly the excitement of going to bonfire night as a child.

However back to the actual question. Your mum is a CF, tell her you'll be attending a public event.

I'm from the South of England and I don't understand why people are being rude about the food. Nothing wrong with pie, peas and gravy. It was also bloody obvious what 'pack up' means from the context.

YANBU, OP. She has form for this. She should have been clearer from the start about what she was able to offer, and what she'd like a contribution for.

You thought she meant ‘back up??’ Like S.W.A.T? I don’t use ‘pack up’ either, but it was perfectly clear what the OP meant! Why do people do this? You make yourself sound ridiculously snobbish.

Pie (pork or steak) and mushy peas are traditional bonfire night tea (not dinner) for us neanderthals up North. Add mint sauce if you want to be extra yorkshire. Bonus of Pickled onions in wakefield. If you are hosting its wise to order your pies in advance from the butcher, because they are so in demand.. not weird at all here very normal.

if my mum offered to host a bonfire night tea, personally, I would be offering to buy the fireworks, I wouldn’t want my mum to have to go to all the expense but thats just the way our family works I guess..

Just tell her that you don't acdept invitations for events you cannot afford, particularly when the intimation was that this was to be a free event
I remain amazed at the crap people allow their family to drop on them

It's not snobbery.
We always referred to a 'packed lunch' or 'my piece/pieces' in Scotland. It wasn't until later in life, chatting to folk from other areas, that I heard the phrase 'pack up'.

In our family we all pitch in. Everyone brings something. She was providing food and venue. You got to Asda and get a box of fireworks and a packet of sparklers.

Stop paying for her. Let her cry. She’s an adult. She’s a tight fisted scammer.

You obviously don't live in Yorkshire

A pie and peas supper is often standard fare at low key evening events (quiz nights, beer festivals, bonfire nights etc) - and they aren't revolting.

@herewegogogox fireworks are extremely expensive, can be annoying for the neighbours especially if they have pets and dangerous in the wrong hands. Far better to go to a local display then to your mum's afterwards for supper.

I think I'd have to laugh and say, "Hang on, you've invited us to yours, but we have to buy/pay for everything? We could go to an organised event, which would probably be safer, for a lot less!"

That's standard bonfire night party etiquette - everyone brings fireworks. Sorry but you're the CF for not expecting to.
A decent box of fireworks from Aldi is less than £10! That's all we ever get and it entertains my kids that are older than yours!

Your mum crying when you don’t do what she wants or speak to her about her behaviour isn’t a reason to do what she wants and say nothing.

I think you should decline to buy fireworks and suggest that as she is no longer offering fireworks that she times the food to enable you all go to a public display, or change the date so that you come to hers for the food another evening before or after the display. Ir she withdraws the invitation, fine,

So rather than pay £10 for a box of fireworks at Aldi you're suggesting that they pay to go to an organised bonfire where it'll cost at least £15 per person, to watch maybe 10 minutes of fireworks?

I bet that some of those sneering at a pie and pea supper eat jellied eels, a thought that makes my stomach heave!
Back when the grandchildren were small we would have fireworks in our garden, I would do the food and buy some fireworks but my daughter always brought some too.

IME the kind of fireworks you get in a cheap selection box aren't really worth it. I prefer public firework displays run by people who know what they are doing. Luckily the one we go to is near a fire station.