To announce pregnancy at birthday party

[MyJollyLion]

My mother is having a party soon to celebrate a milestone birthday.

Husband and I have been TTC for almost a couple of years now, which mum knows about and is excited for. We’ve recently found out I’m pregnant, and the date of her party will be just after our 12 week scan, so we wanted to announce it at the party - nobody knows yet.

I’m youngest child and this will be my first baby. Mum has three grandkids already, all are young adults now and one of those has two kids too. Mum is very maternal and loves having babies and kids in the family.

I think she will be delighted for us but just wondering if it’s poor form to announce at her birthday party, is it like a lesser version of announcing it at a wedding or something.

My mum would have LOVED it if I'd done this! There are some really mean replies on this thread. Congratulations OP and do whatever feels right for your and your family.

So you're going to be pig headed and make the cringe announcement because other people have said it's cringe.. seriously don't do it. Pick up the phone and tell her tonight or to her face before.

What!!?? Waiting until after the 12 week scan is fairly common!

What's cringe about telling your family that you're pregnant which a much wanted baby? I don't generally find it cringe when my family members tell me wonderful news.

@Peaceandquietandacuppa I do find motherhood hard already and obviously I look forward to breaks as well. All I am saying is women are not "reduced" to just being a mum or grandma because it's something they want to celebrate. My accomplishments are still my own. My mum's accomplishments are still her own. She still is who she is. Celebrating being a grandma does not erase this and it's not "pathetic" to celebrate it and be excited about it.

Not so much with one's own parents. Not in my experience anyway. I know some people like to wait (I didn't. Didn't announce ever but didn't hide it or lie about why not drinking if directly asked ever) but in choosing to do so OP has created this dilemma. Even if she wants to wait she could still pick up the phone from the hospital and still avoid the entire issue.

It clearly isn't about just being excited to tell people because if it was she would do just that. It's about wanting to announce it in a certain way

While you have every right to be excited your mums party may not be the time and place to share your news. My mum was similar she spent her whole life caring bringing up siblings, own kids and then being hands on gran - selfless people like this deserve to have a night be all about them if that's what they want.
I would tell your mum before the party and see what she says I wouldn't put her on the spot and say you plan to tell everyone though...

I would echo what others have said and tell her beforehand / involve her in whether or not to tell people at her party, for the reasons people have said, but also because frankly it could make a difference to how others view your decision.

One of my husbands relatives announced their pregnancy at our child’s first birthday - where we’d paid for catering and a bar tab etc - and a few of my friends were pretty annoyed on my behalf (I wasn’t personally thrilled, but I am pretty chill so didn’t make a ‘thing’ of it). I don’t think you can assume the holders of some of the more strident views on this thread won’t be in attendance at your mum’s party. It’ll defuse them considerably if they know she okay-ed ir in advance.

Nothing's cringe about telling. Making it a big announcement is cringe.

It isn't. Making a self centered announcement at someone else's birthday party is cringe and despite most people saying no don't do it she's still going to. Embarrassing.

Let your mum enjoy her party. You could tell her beforehand so she doesn’t make a thing about you drinking but the day is about her.

Don’t announce it , taking her aside to tell her on the night is fine as it will probably add to her big birthday … if she wants to tell everyone that’s ok

I'm assuming it's her 60th or 70th? I can't imagine getting to that point in life and feeling 'upstaged' by good news

Surely if her mum is now a Great Granny (her other grandchildren are adults and one has a child) she's more like 80?

What?

Don't do that. It's not about you.

I'm with the 89% <--- such a high % telling you something, ought to influence you, if you are genuinely asking the question for opinions?

Ywould beVery Unreasonable to do this at your mum's party.

Clue - it is your Mum's party, not yours.

For older generation who may not have had a chance at a career etc and are more family focused I think this is not unusual.

Unless your Mum's 'milestone birthday' is her 110th birthday, then this is rubbish. I have know plenty of people born in the 1920s and early 1930s who had careers.

No not at all. You should tell her before and privately. She shouldn't find out with other friends and family at her own party.

It would be done very much in the context of a “special gift” for her

Oh come on.

Your Mum already has grandchildren and a great grandchild.

She must be at least 70 or even 80.

(In my social circle most great grannies are over 90 as all the women had their children at 30-ish or older.)

You're not giving your mum a 'gift' on her birthday by telling her then.

You risk embarrassing her, and her guests who may think you're a prima donna trying to steal the show.

Can your mum not have 1 day just for her?

You could tell your mum privately at her party . She will almost certainly be delighted but there’s no need for everyone to know .

I would tell mum first and then let her decide. I'm sure she'll be thrilled either way but she'll feel extra special knowing she's the first to know!

Oh absolutely not.

Tell her (and your dad) separately before the party, mentioning that you wanted tell her/them first now that you’re done keeping it secret. She can choose whether to talk about it at the party or not. If she doesn’t bring it up at the party then you shouldn’t either.

Tell her with a special gift in private, don’t make her party about yourself and your baby.

But remember her identity is about caring for others 🙄

No, I think tell her on her actual birthday (if on different day) or maybe before or after the party? As surely you want to also tell her first before everyone else?

I'm not saying you're like this by any means, but my estranged BIL & wife announced a pregnancy at other BIL's kids birthday party once...was very awkward as it totally looked like the limelight (in their case, it was likely an intentional attempt to do so!) and trying to take the focus off the little girls whose birthday it was