To announce pregnancy at birthday party

[MyJollyLion]

My mother is having a party soon to celebrate a milestone birthday.

Husband and I have been TTC for almost a couple of years now, which mum knows about and is excited for. We’ve recently found out I’m pregnant, and the date of her party will be just after our 12 week scan, so we wanted to announce it at the party - nobody knows yet.

I’m youngest child and this will be my first baby. Mum has three grandkids already, all are young adults now and one of those has two kids too. Mum is very maternal and loves having babies and kids in the family.

I think she will be delighted for us but just wondering if it’s poor form to announce at her birthday party, is it like a lesser version of announcing it at a wedding or something.

Are you new here? There is a significant minority on Mn who feel that family and friends should not get married or engaged on their wedding anniversary, birthday, or their children’s birthday or wedding anniversary, plus people who feel it’s a serious conflict of interest for someone to be bridesmaid at two different weddings in the same year because it ‘dilutes’ their attention. There are similar ‘ring fences’ around announcing an engagement or a pregnancy within a couple of months of their announcement, or getting married before someone who has got engaged after you.

Congratulations, OP!

I agree with this:

I personally think I’d prefer to tell her separately ahead of time so you can both really savour it. She’ll probably have lots of questions, want to know how you’re doing, want to gush over your scan pics. You’ll just have a bit more space to do that not in the party setting.

It would be much nicer for both of you to tell her when it's not during a party. If you really want to wait until after the 12 week scan, I'd tell her asap after the scan, and at least a day before the party.

However, you might find you want to tell her before the scan - I told my mum quite early on. If it had been bad news at the scan I would have wanted her support, anyway.

I think you are confused over what people mean by "losing their identity". You are describing parenting. You can find parenting hard, without losing your identity. I am one of the ones who was adamant I wouldn't become "just" a mother and I haven't.

Of course because she didn't hear what she wanted.

That’s not because I choose to see her that way, it’s how she identifies herself.

For older generation who may not have had a chance at a career etc and are more family focused I think this is not unusual.

That’s not to say it’s right and obviously society is changing - but this isn’t about society as a whole, it’s one person.

Congratulations OP. It is clear you know your mother best, and people here can give their opinions based on their own experiences but that doesn't mean their experiences will be yours. I'm sure your mother will be thrilled with the good news. Enjoy the announcement and the party!

I think it’s odd not to tell your mother until the 12 week scan, on reflection.

I think she would probably prefer you to tell her privately before the party rather than be told as part of a general "announcement". I would tell your parents and in-laws first. Your Mum will probably be excited and tell everyone at the party anyway. Just tell the people that are important to you, you don't need to make a formal announcement. I'm sure everyone will be very pleased for you.

Congratulations. Just tell mum and she can be part of any announcement you make.

If I was your mum I would be a bit disappointed that you waited days to tell me so you could make a show of announcing it to everyone, regardless of the birthday party issue to be honest, I wouldn't care about that, but I would care about being relegated to the same level as cousins/friends etc when it came to sharing such massive news.

If you have a good relationship with your mum you should tell her first and separately.

Why not give her the 'present' on the morning of her party/birthday, so you can still do your idea, and then as people suggested, ask her what she thinks of telling everyone at her party.

Hmm I wouldn't personally. My cousin went around announcing she was pregnant at her brothers wedding. I just feel there is a time and a place for that.

You don't make big announcements at other people's events.

If I wasn’t going to listen to people’s opinions then I wouldn’t have posted - but I’m not going to take seriously the opinion of someone who’s just being nasty and calling me “cringe” for wanting to tell people about my pregnancy.

If you just wanted to tell people you could have done so ages ago. You could pick up the phone and tell her this evening.

If you didn't want a showy announcement then you wouldn't be waiting this long anyway and it wouldn't have been an issue.

Sorry not RTFT and slightly off topic but this comment stood out to me.

OP didn’t say she would be drinking. Or that she would need a reason why she’s not drinking. It could also be a party at 2pm with tea and sandwiches. OP could be a recovering alcoholic. Etc etc etc.

Honestly, it blows my mind how normalised some people think of drinking. (No offence to you @W0tnow - just an observation).

If it were my mum, the correct answer would be to tell her beforehand and let HER announce it to everyone. We did that with our engagement actually, and it clearly brought mum a lot of joy to tell everyone.

this

Just dont do it. Tell people separately on a different day or hold your own event. Dont hijack your mum’s birthday and make yourself the centre of attention. It is immature.

If I was your Mum it wouldn't bother me at all for the news to be shared at my party. I would be a bit hurt though not to be told about it before wider family.

Why does it need “announcing” at all? Tell your mum and close family the day of the scan, let your mum phone any relatives she wants to tell personally, stick it on Facebook/whatsapp/insta for the rest …

I wouldn’t do an announcement at the party but it could be cute to give her a birthday card from the bump with a scan photo - then it’s up to her if she wants to make a big thing of it - I’d expect a big joyous reaction!

We're taking MIL out for lunch on her birthday and telling her about our pregnancy then. It'll be just the 4 of us there (including DD) and I know she'll be delighted! I wouldn't tell family members at a birthday party for MIL though, it would take the shine off her birthday. Congratulations x

For older generation who may not have had a chance at a career etc

Blimey, how old is she?

I would definitely tell her first and in private. It may be v emotional for her and it would be lovely for you to share that together rather than doing it in front of every Tom, dick and harry.

From what you have said, I'm sure your mum would be delighted to hear such good news at her special birthday celebration. As both a mother and a grandmother, I know that I would have been perfectly happy with that.
It's in no way comparable with announcing it at, say, a siblings celebration, where yes, it could understandably go down badly.

But that said, your mum would probably feel extra special if you shared your wonderful news with her shortly before you announce it to the wider world.

I’m sure your mum wouldn’t feel upstaged but she might feel the need to celebrate you news when she’s not really able to. For example, if you told her and she was elated, hugged you but then started circulating to welcome her guests and didn’t pay you much more attention she’d likely feel guilty and you’d probably feel underwhelmed. Have your own celebration, sounds like you deserve it 👍🏻