To announce pregnancy at birthday party

[MyJollyLion]

My mother is having a party soon to celebrate a milestone birthday.

Husband and I have been TTC for almost a couple of years now, which mum knows about and is excited for. We’ve recently found out I’m pregnant, and the date of her party will be just after our 12 week scan, so we wanted to announce it at the party - nobody knows yet.

I’m youngest child and this will be my first baby. Mum has three grandkids already, all are young adults now and one of those has two kids too. Mum is very maternal and loves having babies and kids in the family.

I think she will be delighted for us but just wondering if it’s poor form to announce at her birthday party, is it like a lesser version of announcing it at a wedding or something.

And with all due respect if you have a new born, you don’t really get it the point of view of letting one day be about a person, rather than their role as a mother or grandmother.

And it’s really rude to start speculating about whether people are finding parenting hard or not or commenting on how you don’t. It’s a long road. Telling people how you don’t struggle and XYZ could never happen to you, when you are only a few weeks in is exceptionally arrogant.

Ooh this too! Didn’t think about this but my mum definitely appreciated being one of the first to be told :)

"I think she will be delighted for us but just wondering if it’s poor form to announce at her birthday party, is it like a lesser version of announcing it at a wedding or something."

You know damned fine well that it is poor form!

God this thread is weird. People really feel they’d lose their identity if their birthday had some extra happy news?! Thankful I don’t know anyone this self absorbed and needy.

Congratulations OP 💖 that’s lovely news.

I would LOVE to be a grandma one day so would be happy if my child announced this. Its not random or diverting as becoming a grandmother would directly be about me (as well as my kid but they are a part of me).

If it was a random friend, distant cousin, co-worker etc... then it would seem like they where trying to steal attention and be cringey.

Announce it to your mum first and see how she feels about using her party to announce to the rest of the family.

This. Why does your pregnancy need an announcement at all?

If you want to surprise her I think it would be lovely for you to see her the day after, and say she forgot a card.
Give her a Happy Birthday Grandma one with something soppy written inside.
That way you get to give her a lovely surprise and share the moment together rather than with umpteen other people.

Congratulations by the way 😁

Please don't do this @MyJollyLion It's your Mum's special day. Please tell your Mum either a few days before the party or a couple of days after. It will be 'her' day and to announce it to everyone like that will take some of the attention away from her

If she knows and is happy to tell people at the party, that is one thing, but don't YOU do it then. The choice is then hers

OP here - thanks for the responses, the majority of which are well intentioned!

Some more context:

• I don’t know what some people are thinking I mean by “announce” - I get the vibe some are imagining some kind of very self-centred type thing that you’d expect from some kind of social media influencer or something - that’s nothing like what we have in mind. It would be done very much in the context of a “special gift” for her
• I totally relate to the argument about women not being only known by their roles as mothers and grandmothers BUT on the other hand I really don’t think my mum is someone who’d have a problem with this - TBH I think a lot of her self identity is prob around caring for others
• the party will be mainly family so I doubt there’ll be many people there like who are these weirdos lol

One argument that was quite convincing was that if we told her before then she’d have more time to react and take it all in - I also liked the point about her having the privilege of knowing before others do.

I think me posting this is more a reflection of my own anxiety and paranoia rather than my assumption that my mum might react badly, so not sure about people saying “if you’re posting it here then you know it must be wrong”.

some quite nasty posts here tbh - albeit the minority - we’re having a baby after a long journey TTC and so forgive us for being excited lol, and being excited about getting to share this moment with the important people in our lives.

“I do know a few women who seem to hellbent on not "losing their identity", who talk like you. I guess they find motherhood hard or they're going through a hard time otherwise.”

Jesus, please read this back to yourself. Respectfully, you’re a few weeks in (with first child I am assuming?). It’s a bit early to think you won’t be one of the ones who find motherhood hard.. Hopefully you won’t, but I think we all do at some stage depending on what’s going on. For some it might be early days if they have a fussy baby. For others at toddler stage if they are very active. I too was a smug arsehole who didn’t really find it hard until my second child (VERY placid calm first child who slept well) 😅 Well I absolutely cringe when I think back, I must have seemed so smug! And yes I do now value any time I get that’s not being a mum. And I don’t feel guilty about it.

Yes it’s rude and narcissistic to hijack her milestone birthday and make it about you. This is huge life-changing news for you and your DH but for anyone else it’s just news and it can wait.

I don’t know what some people are thinking I mean by “announce” - I get the vibe some are imagining some kind of very self-centred type thing that you’d expect from some kind of social media influencer or something - that’s nothing like what we have in mind. It would be done very much in the context of a “special gift” for her
Even that's all rather unnecessary. Just pick up the phone and tell her now. It's exciting news, just share it as its own thing. It doesn't need fancy packaging or special timing.

Then you also have dilemma. At the party you can just tell people if it comes up in conversation. No fuss, just being normal adults.

No don't do it. It's her birthday. Her party. Do your own party if you want to make a big announcement.

I thought the same.

Leave it up to your mum, she may be delighted to announce your pregnancy at her milestone birthday. I don't think you should do it.

If she doesn't want to (which I doubt will be the case), you can let people know afterwards. It doesn't have to be a big announcement.

I'm so pleased for you, congratulations!

I'm not sure what it is with this week, but I've seen one or two other threads on here this weekend where people have been unnecessarily snippy or rude.

It shows a degree of good reflection that you have asked other people's opinion on this first OP, and I understand why you're excited. I think what people think of 'announcing' though is someone getting up on stage and making a big thing out of it, not just telling someone. It might be appropriate if it was for a much wanted first grandchild, but otherwise, it has too much potential to reflect badly on you.

I’d say it’s poor timing to do it at her party-day after would surely be better.

It's definitely poor form, it's her day, don't make it about you.

Sorry, but why do you have to "announce" it at all? Just let people know as part of normal conversation over the next few weeks.

You said you don’t think you mum has a problem around self identity

Then say her self identity is about caring for others. That’s the exact point people are making

I think my post may have come over a little nasty but not my intention. I get the excitement honestly I do, we spent about 7 years trying for our children so I do understand. However, this is your excitement. I told my parents privately, no bells and whistles, tshirts, gifts etc. My dad cried, that was enough for me.

Congratulations on your pregnancy, I'm sure your mum is going to be over the moon!

I am a grandmother to 7 children and if it was for me I would really like it if you gave me a suitable card a few days before the party announcing the addition to the family.

Then at the party it can be freely discussed with all the family who are gathered there.

i don’t think such joyous news would take away attention , but add to the occasion.

Congratulations!