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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my H is being an asshole for saying...

167 replies

tellmesomethingtrue · 13/10/2024 01:16

that he'd like me to dress my age, or younger, and not wear old lady clothes that no man would find attractive?

I'm 41.

OP posts:
Mmhmmn · 13/10/2024 01:19

He sounds like an arsehole. I suppose he looks absolutely amazing, always 🙄

Round3HereWeGo · 13/10/2024 01:19

It depends. Did you ask his opinion on your dress sense or did he look you up and down after you got dressed and just come out with it?

If you asked then he was honest, if you didn't then he is an asshole.

Original poster
tellmesomethingtrue · 13/10/2024 01:20

Nah I didn't ask. He said it via text as we were discussing what we both want for our future and the way I dress as his wife came up.

OP posts:
Danioyellow · 13/10/2024 01:23

It sounds like he’s being nasty, but honestly without knowing how you dress, we can’t really judge?

Mmhmmn · 13/10/2024 01:23

Hope you said As your wife? With lots of laughing emojis

Original poster
tellmesomethingtrue · 13/10/2024 01:24

Danioyellow · 13/10/2024 01:23

It sounds like he’s being nasty, but honestly without knowing how you dress, we can’t really judge?

Does it matter how I dress though? My take was that I should be dressing for me, not men.

OP posts:
Round3HereWeGo · 13/10/2024 01:25

Again it depends how that conversation went. Did you ask what he wanted from you, what you could change for him etc? Was he nervous to say it, tried to do it gently or did he just say it bold as brass?

I mean on the face of it he just sounds like an arsehole!!

LibertyCaps · 13/10/2024 01:26

I'd love to hear how he dresses.

Care to share @tellmesomethingtrue?

Mmhmmn · 13/10/2024 01:26

What OP wears is irrelevant really. I highly doubt she’s doing the mora battye look. His nastiness and misogyny is what’s relevant. Red flag.

Original poster
tellmesomethingtrue · 13/10/2024 01:30

Yes, this is an example of misogyny. I thought so too. He thought honesty was the best policy so said it bold as brass. How to fix our marriage sort of thing. Just gives me the ick.

OP posts:
CheekyHobson · 13/10/2024 01:30

Danioyellow · 13/10/2024 01:23

It sounds like he’s being nasty, but honestly without knowing how you dress, we can’t really judge?

Oh I can judge!!

I know plenty of women in their 20s who dress in what I would consider to be "old lady" style and that's just how they like to dress.

It doesn't matter how the OP dresses, her husband is being a manipulative and controlling dick by acting like telling her how he wants her to look is "his wish for the future".

Ambienteamber · 13/10/2024 01:34

tellmesomethingtrue · 13/10/2024 01:20

Nah I didn't ask. He said it via text as we were discussing what we both want for our future and the way I dress as his wife came up.

Deeply misogynistic. How is a particular way his wife dresses 'something that he wants for his future'?? How bizarre! Does he think you are just some representation of him? Men are so nuts.

Round3HereWeGo · 13/10/2024 01:36

tellmesomethingtrue · 13/10/2024 01:30

Yes, this is an example of misogyny. I thought so too. He thought honesty was the best policy so said it bold as brass. How to fix our marriage sort of thing. Just gives me the ick.

In that case gross and asshole! Sorry OP

OatFlatWhiteForMePlease · 13/10/2024 01:37

Who are these women that you are being measured against? Instagram ‘picture perfect’ shit. I’m about your age and dress for myself, of DH passes comment it’s to say I look lovely, ask if it’s new or that he likes my top etc. We are ageing and evolving together.. although my waistline is evolving faster than his!

catscalledbeanz · 13/10/2024 01:51

What I want for our future? Those conversations can include financial goals, personal goals, emotional goals, all shared and whilst always unrealistic (you can never truly plan life nor future) is just a game of shared vision.

How you dress is surely neither here nor there. If it is here or there , then what exactly do you share? Because it's not goals or ideals or future planning. It's far more superficial

gillefc82 · 13/10/2024 01:54

@tellmesomethingtrue I’m a similar age to you (turning 43 in January) and I’ll be honest and say the last few years I’ve really started to struggle with my dress sense / style. I think we’ve hit that really weird inbetween age where you’re can’t get away with the stuff you wore in your 20s and early 30s, but there’s nothing that appeals to me if I start browsing the racks in M&S! 😂🤷‍♀️

But to answer your question, your DH sounds like a tw@t!

Zuk · 13/10/2024 01:54

Danioyellow · 13/10/2024 01:23

It sounds like he’s being nasty, but honestly without knowing how you dress, we can’t really judge?

I think, given what the OP has said so far, that how she chooses to dress is really not the issue here.

Original poster
tellmesomethingtrue · 13/10/2024 01:56

Well thanks for assuring me that this is just another misogynistic string to his bow.

OP posts:
LibertyCaps · 13/10/2024 01:56

tellmesomethingtrue · 13/10/2024 01:30

Yes, this is an example of misogyny. I thought so too. He thought honesty was the best policy so said it bold as brass. How to fix our marriage sort of thing. Just gives me the ick.

You can't fix a marriage with a bad man darling.

You can't.

I left mine 22 years ago. Makes me happy that he's gone.

RamblinRosie · 13/10/2024 02:00

I do hope he’s found the perfect middle aged man style.

Lavenderandbrown · 13/10/2024 02:03

Tell him you don’t dress for the male gaze…not his not any other man’s.

user1492757084 · 13/10/2024 02:06

Put on some high heels, a sassy little dress and make up when you present your divorce papers.

He must not find you attractive to look at anymore and blames the clothing. Be comfortable in what you wear, for yourself.

If you stay with this man only dress to impress men (in the way he wishes but how you feel not yourself) when you are going out with your girl friends. Ha ha ha.

Buy him some Budgie Smugglers for your next beach holiday (as you're sick of old man bathers).

tolerable · 13/10/2024 02:20

@tellmesomethingtrue .misogyny? im a sap tho- you know him-but-i read one-aesethic comment....bold as brass- yup but...how to save our marriage,albeit said in
"man"....theres wiggle room.maybe he ment. dress like you love you.want me to adore you. my ms 81 and age appropriate lovely chic style tho. maybe hes framed what he meant really badly....maybe hes an asshole...
IF hanging by a thread as is.....what other "remedies" has he got in mind? if offers miele kitchen applinces n shark hoover-grciously ccept before you bin his sorry arse.
thing is...if you already holding a (mgy)bow.....it could well be fukt.
whst would your top 2 or 3 suggestions/positive changes ideals?

Dita73 · 13/10/2024 02:51

Text him back saying “you should really look in the mirror more” then divorce him and take all his money

orangegato · 13/10/2024 03:14

I had an ex like that. Ex being the operative word. He was so vain and believed himself gorgeous he thought he deserved an instagram baddie. He was surprised when we broke up that someone who looks like me could have the audacity to leave him. Bet he’s still scratching his thick head now!