To think my H is being an asshole for saying...

[tellmesomethingtrue]

that he'd like me to dress my age, or younger, and not wear old lady clothes that no man would find attractive?

I'm 41.

I’m sure he looks like Ryan Reynolds when he wakes up hmmm

Im 41 and have no idea how I would dress my age?!? Isn’t that the point we are all different.

I know not the point but how do you dress ? as I would consider old lady classic style a compliment ( not in this scenario) and I’m needing new ideas as I’m stuck in a floral dress rut

I'm always helping bf to choose clothes as he has neither form nor fashion. He likes to look good. And he does.
If you don't mind how you look that's fine too.

Pics please 😄

Hmm, loving someone and finding them attractive aren't the same thing. I'll always love my husband but if he gained a lot of weight or something I'd find it unattractive and say something.

It's a tricky thing to navigate - we want our partners to stay attractive for each other, but we love them so don't want to hurt their feelings if something goes amiss. I've seen relationships fail because they can't be honest or navigate this issue well

Maybe get really dressed up in some skimpy young clothes and tell him you are going out clubbing without him.

What is his appearance like? Is he a healthy build with good hygiene and dress sense. No disgusting habits?

Dress how you want to dress. If you are happy with your clothes that is all that matters.

His misogynistic opinions aside, there is no way I would have a conversation like this via text message, that’s asking for trouble.

Are you married to my ex?

he said almost the exact thing to me after we’d been living together for about six months. I was hanging washing out and he just came out and said he didn’t want to be going out with someone who dresses like an old lady and demanded I get changed.
He went on to criticise my table manners, told me I was a letdown for not wanting to share a bottle of wine with him (I am teetotal), there are so many more, but I was young and it was subtle so as to be almost unnoticeable.

I don't think there's any fixing that man.

I think your biggest problem is you are both having this discussion via text!!
Why can you not talk to each other and have a proper conversation? Strange way to communicate with what appear to be fairly serious issues.

He needs this.

I’m probably the minority but I like it when my husband likes my clothes. If my husband thought I was dressing too old I’d probably take that as a compliment meaning I look younger than I dress

Lol.

I take it you're divorced and every woman you've met since has been a bit billous in your presence.

And then you say;

'I AM NOT THE PROBLEM. YOU ARE THE PROBLEM'.

And then they laugh.

Having a conversation via text about your future? Can’t you talk face to face? You lose all context by messaging.

100% this.

This isn’t Reddit and her DH doesn’t know unless she tells him she posted this. No one knows who they are.

He could have said this to her face instead of over text so why are you blaming her and not him over how he communicated it which was pretty rude.

He may not like how she dresses but saying no other man would be attracted to her because of what she wears because all men must think like him is weird and objectifying.

You have no idea how she dresses and what he considers old lady. For all we know, he could want her walking down the street with her bum on the cusp of being exposed.

Highly doubt he would like the same thing said back to him.

I'm married and have been in the same relationship since i was 18, we both regularly check in with each other about our needs and wants. This is part of a healthy relationship. There are also plenty of times we have been getting ready and my wife has pointed out something she thinks doesnt look good on me, and I have done the same for her. We find each other attractive and guess what, we want each other to be able to look our best.

If she told me something didnt look good on me and i felt hurt by the way she phrased it, I'm enough of an adult to have that conversation with her, i wouldnt take my grievances to the strangers of the internet, and definitely wouldnt be seeking the validation of some desperate 51 year old who seems to be proud of his drug use based on you name. Get a life mate :') trying to validate someone who is too much of a child to have an honest conversation about needs and feelings with her husband at 41 years old is not becoming.

I get what @Drunkonbugmilk is trying to say, even if I wouldn't put it in such words.

If my DH's preferred clothes were "comfy" style clothes, like jogging bottoms and a hoodie, then it would definitely lessen my attraction to him. Over time that makes a difference. I'd prefer to bring it up before it becomes too late.

If he'd like you to wear different clothes, he's within his rights to ask......politely and toxcx explain why

Naturally you don't have to comply

However his words are nasty and deliberately chosen to hurt and upset

Therefore he's not a nice man

I'm assuming there's a massive backstory (why else would you be having this conversation on text)

I'm guessing you're building up to ending the relationship?

My dh has terrible dress sense. I help him pick out clothes and want him to look well. I would struggle with what he would find ok if l had no input as it would do nothing for him. He would wear anything but does feel good when he has nice clothes. Am l a controlling horrible wife??. I think it's good to feel your dh finds you attractive and doesn't want you to sell yourself short by wearing dowdy old clothes that do nothing for you. I'm not talking dressing sexy but making a little effort. Here women often complain that their partners are letting themselves go and they don't like it. Surely its the same thing. I suggest listen to him and think about it.

He's negging you to keep you in your place.

the way I dress as his wife

how lovely, he sees you as his inanimate possession he can make vile comments "at", because you don't have an opinion or feelings worth considering.

why the hell would you even consider marrying this tool.

So badmouthing the person you're married to to a bunch of strangers and giving them a platform to also badmouth them isnt bad unless they find out? Wild take...

So he communicated it in a way she didnt like, she should surely explain that to him so she sets her standard for how she would like him to communicate his thoughts feelings and needs to her in the future...

Instead she calls him an arsehole to the internet. Childish nonsense. She should sort herself out and have a conversation with her husband instead of being a crank. Set boundaries, if he finds them unreasonable he can leave, and if they arent respected then she can leave. What even is the argument you're making here?

Hey, who shat in your porridge?
Glad I don't have anything to do with you in real life.
😕

I think he's worded it badly but if you're slobbing around in trackies all the time and wear things that are unflattering when you go out with him, is he not allowed to feel something about that? Plenty of threads on here from women who dislike and want to control what their partners wear, or their hair / beard style. If he really means he wants a trophy wife / arm candy then yes it's an issue and he can get to fuck but if there's some truth to his comment then I think a face to face discussion might be better. Obviously you are still entitled to tell him to fuck off but it's not immediately clear that he's all the names he's been called on here.

'His drug use'

I'm a woman, friend.

I've been married to my darling husband for 20 years. I find him absolutely entrancing. I dress rather flamboyantly and use clothes as a meaning of expression, 'why dress boringly when one can dress brilliantly, life is short, why wear the shit clothes when you can wear the good ones?'.

I love it when my husband wears something outside his comfort-zone, I love it when anyone does. I'd rather see someone try and fail with an outfit than people shamed into never trying to express themselves through their clothes.

Seems like you're a small-minded bloke who feels second-hand embarrassment when people bust out. I FUCKING LOVE IT when people express themselves. It makes me happy.

Why the fuck shouldn't they?

I'd prescribe you some psilocybin, you obviously know what it is. It would probably do you good.

PS 'Desperate 51-year-old' is hilarious.

You've got the age right. And you have made me laugh. So I thank you.

I wouldn’t like it if DH dressed like an old slob.