To think my H is being an asshole for saying...

[tellmesomethingtrue]

that he'd like me to dress my age, or younger, and not wear old lady clothes that no man would find attractive?

I'm 41.

Thankyou! If I've worked all week and we have to go out sometimes I'll be in no hurry to get changed out of my comfy clothes. My wife has had a few less than polite words in those moments and even if i grumble about it I'm happy to throw on some nice clothes and make sure I'm stepping out the house a the man she is proud to be seen with. Making an effort to maximise your attractiveness to the person you want to spend your life with is always a worthwhile investment in my eyes, and yields dividends in the long run.

Are you married to Kanye West??

Point being, @tellmesomethingtrue hasn't said how she dresses at all.

Just that the dick she's acoupled with has a lot to say about it.

And how it's related to her age.

It's not about you @Drunkonbugmilk.

It’s possible to be honest and considerate at the same time, but that’s not what happened here. No amount of digging on the OP’s part could have made what her DH said acceptable. I’m amazed anyone would tolerate being spoken to like this.

This is emotional abuse. My ex said this stuff as well.

@Drunkonbugmilk what a nasty, revolting post

How she dresses isn’t relevant. The OP is entitled to dress how she likes and not be dictated to by her DH. If he feels the way she dresses is some kind of dealbreaker for him then he can leave.

I'm absolutely amazed at the number of pp who are actually accepting that it is OK for OP's DH to critise what clothes she wears. And that pp are actually questioning her as to as to what her dress sense is like!

Of course OP should dress for herself.

She is not her DH 's doll for heaven sake!
She is a woman with her own thoughts and tastes and it's her body. She wears what she wants to wear.

You're doing an entertaining amount of projection. I need no such prescription and have had plenty of such experience, it just seems a bit cringey to be making it a part of your personality, you seem to have a fairly deep well of insecurity and make a big song and dance to cover it. Maybe seek counselling (genuinely). I made a mistake of assuming you were a man that is correct, because you give off fairly desperate energy :') after reading this reply i now understand. I'm glad wearing loud clothes help you feel like you are expressing part of yourself, I'm also happy to know you have happy feelings toward your husband and dont feel the need to express digust or contempt for him to strangers online. I feel that to be rancid behaviour personally. If you have committed yourself to a person i think doing that is vile, I'm sure your 20 year relationship has involved plenty of genuine honest and sometimes downright unconfortable conversations with your husband, and I'm sure doing that directly with him has been much more beneficial than talking shit about him online?

Are you talking to me?

Man you're so hilariously off the ball with your wall of text.

But carry on. I like it.

I love meeting people like you. It's a gift. It really is.

My husband met a 'you' person in the sauna yesterday.

You fo.walk amongst us.

It's pretty funny.

The question is about if her husband is her arsehole, my response is pointing out she is the arsehole for talking so much smack on him instead of talking to him about it.

Youre the one desperately defending the right to wear certain clothes, i honestly dont know and dont care what clothes she wears, i just cant imagine speaking so negatively about my wife to strangers on the internet as she is about her husband. That is real arsehole behaviour. You seem to be completely confusing the issue and badly projecting. You should deal with your own insecurities lol

Maybe you need to lay off the high doses and get back to reality, you're making inside jokes to yourself on an anonymous forum.

@Drunkonbugmilk, I was a bit bored but you've really energised me.

I haven't laughed so much for ages.

I genuinely do thank you.

(PS: Send my condolences to your imaginary wife.)

unbelievable. Is this the sort of thing you would say to you wife then? Poor woman.

I ask for my husbands opinion on clothes regularly. Eg if I’ve bought a new dress I might try it on for him before I decide to keep it. Sometimes he compliments a particular outfit and I will take that on board.

But there is no way I would tolerate being spoken to like that.

Your post is so nuts I feel like you must have read a completely different OP to me.

Maybe he could have said it in a more delicate way

Maybe? 🤣🤣

I'm not sure how you speak to other people , but trust me....theres no maybe about this, in my world

Defending my right to wear certain clothes?

I shall await the court summons!

'Talking so much smack'

'Projecting'.

You use interesting words and turns of phrase.

I'd ask if English was your second language, unfortunately for you, I think it's your first and only language.

Sad times.

I feel bad for you if a thread like this has been the most you've laughed in ages.

No condolences required, she's sleeping soundly at the moment while i tend to our 3 month old son who gives us much more joy than I'm sure you have felt in a while. I genuinely wish you the best though

You are the gift that keeps on giving.

I'm not sure what your point be boy?

If i overheard a friend speak to his partner in that way, i would call him an arsehole, but relative to saying the things she has about him to a group of strangers on the internet i think his behaviour pales in comparison. I dont agree with how he said it, but i think she should have had this conversation with him. He hurt his feelings but at the same time he obviously has a desire to express his needs, albeit he is communicating it poorly. They both need to work on that communicating and taking her grievance to an online forum to badmouth him is extremely unhealthy behaviour

Context is everything

My (ex) husband dresses far too young for his age - if he were to ask id have said it's embarrassing and to dress his age

It really depends on your marriage and how used to be honest you are with. Each other

It’s an anonymous forum for fucks sake. People can write what they like without worry, it’s not like she’s posting it on Facebook.

which is fortunate for you as you’ve written some pretty grim stuff about yourself and your wife in this thread.

I 100% agree with this- OP should wear what she likes and her husband is being a complete dick.

However, regarding women age around 40 and clothes, I have seen many posts on the style board where women of that age have posted perfectly nice dresses they like only to be berated, scolded and made fun of for being "mutton dressed as lamb" or it being too revealing, too young, too slutty, too flashy, and even compared to looking like a prostitute. So misogyny is alive and well on this site too when it comes to women supposedly having this freedom to "wear whatever they like".

To me, either you love someone as they are or you don’t. Trying to change people to fit your requirements doesn’t work in the long term. It’s not like buying a fixer upper house and doing it up.

Needs?

Needs and desires are different things.

I might desire something. It doesn't mean I need it.

I want all kinds of things. I can live without them.

I need;

Food

Water

Shelter

Desires? They are just that.

You have " how to fix our marriage" conversations by text?