To think my H is being an asshole for saying...

[tellmesomethingtrue]

that he'd like me to dress my age, or younger, and not wear old lady clothes that no man would find attractive?

I'm 41.

Boy 😂 you're an embarrassment. Too old to be acting like such a child.

I'm quite sure it's not me who's embarrassing myself.

I think you don’t understand the concept of mumsnet. The whole point is that you can offload anonymously to a group of strangers. Would you prefer it if she told all of his friends and family instead?

Why are you posting personal details about your life if it’s such a terrible thing to do?

Yes he’s an arsehole.

I couldn’t give a shit what my DP wears as long it’s clean, comfortable and he feels good in it. He feels the same way about what I wear. I think that’s normal.

So this is what you should tell him : In the future I don't see myself living with a misogynistic prick who makes nasty comments on my appearance. I wish to live with someone who respects me and oves me just the way I am. Sorry if that person can't be you..

Either he is an arse or he is very very bad at saying what he means. I found my partner more attractive when he dressed a certain way then he did this whole dress to impress thing and it put me off. Maybe he is trying to say he finds.the way you dress affects his attraction to you. You don't have to dress for a man any more than a man has to dress for a woman but if it does make the other partner feel less attractive better to say it and nothing changes or it does than not say it and stew on it. There are better ways of putting it though and you know him best. If he is usually kind, considerate and loving I would assume clumsy wording if he is misogynistic then he is an arse

Basing the description of needs on Abraham Maslow's @LibertyCaps

Why should the things that make your life better not classify within that hierarchy? There are certainly more important things to prioritise, but the attraction you have the fortune to feel toward your partner is surely within the structure toward the upper echelons?

Personal details about your life anonymously arent an issue, since they arent personal details if they are anonymous. Sharing the opinion that you feel contemptibly toward the person you have a closer relationship to anyone else in the world with anyone but them is, in itself, contemptible behaviour... @ProfessionalPirate

Instead of sharing his opinions with her, should he have simply told strangers his wife gives him the ick? I'm sure he would have looked a much bigger arsehole if he had, and it would have been well deserved.

Complete asshole. While you could change your clothes if you wanted to, which I wouldn't, he is stuck with his shitty personality. The question is, do you want to be stuck with his personality too?

Aye a 51 year old boasting about her drug use and colourful clothes doesn't seem someone with enough self awareness to feel embarrassed. Point taken 😂

No, no, we're not doing A level psychology.

You are so wrong I have an urge to help you be not such a dick.

I can't be arsed though..

I've not even mentioned drug-use, you have assumed.

Colourful clothes? I've not mentioned what I wear, you suppose.

You like to mention my age.

Seems not only misogynistic but ageist.

You are not doing that well.

I'd love to know about you @Drunkonbugmilk.

Tell me about yourself.

Yes please can we get the misogynistic male opinion. It's exactly what OP and the rest of us wanted. 🙄Your poor wife. Good thing she married you so young so she doesn't know any better.

You sound quite naive. Attraction is important, but it becomes more complicated than that as the years go on. For example, I could never find a bald man attractive in the first instance, but if my DH of 20 years lost his hair, I know I would still love him and want him. Because he would still be him. The OP’s evolving sense of style is part of who she is.

I think being kind and generous towards one’s spouse is far more important than what one wears in any case.

He'll yes it is. How you dress won't fix any marriage unless you were naked and he wanted you to put on some clothes. If he can't work out that you aren't there as she candy then your marriage is over. Marriage is team work first, then emotional, then intelligence, then sexual attraction.
I loved it when my wife dressed for herself. Big pyjamas for wanting warmth and cuddles and relaxation were much more of a turn on than if she felt she had to dress glamourously when she didn't want to... (work events). .

@Drunkonbugmilk
You're posting on a forum for women.
An anonymous forum where women can get advice from other women.
Did you wake up this morning and think.
"I'll just jump on mumsnet and give my unwanted opinion, be really rude & share my misogyny in a woman's space"
If you have something constructive to say, a males perspective, then great, have at it.
To come here and use some of the phrases you've thrown around.
*Arsehole
*Entitled
*Selfish
*Crank
*Rancid behaviour
*Vile
*Arsehole behaviour
*You're an embarrassment
*Contemptible behaviour
What a sad, angry little man you are.
Go back to bed or give yourself a timeout or an hour on the naughty step.
Leave the grown-ups to their conversation.
I feel sorry for your wife.
@LibertyCaps
Nothing but respect for you 💯

I think your DH is perfectly entitled to tell you his feelings about how you dress.
I can understand, however that you found the way he did it hurtful.
Presumably, you’re hurt because you don’t want to think he finds your style unattractive…..which means you do care what he thinks.

I don’t know how you dress. Whether it’s just your style he doesn’t like or whether you make no effort and slob around in comfy clothes the whole time. This makes a difference.

It also makes a difference if you’ve changed how much care you take of yourself over the years. It’s often not how we actually look that is meaningful, but how much effort we put into ensuring that our partners know we care what they think about us.

I think you just need to have a mature conversation about it. Tell him what he said upset you. Explain why. Let him explain exactly what he meant too. If it turns out he just wants you to be soneone you’re not, yep, he’s an arsehole. But if it turns out he’s worried that you’ve let yourself go and you just don’t care about what he thinks, perhaps you could both agree to make more of an efffort with each other.

So, this behavior isn't new and he's ramping it up?

Time for a divorce. Life is too short to spend it with people who try make you miserable.

I’m sorry but I’m going against the grain here and say if he was dressing like an old man, in old drab clothes would you still find him attractive? It really depends what you’re wearing but you’re only 41 not 81. I wear comfortable clothes around the house and dress up more when we go out as I like to feel good for myself but also attractive for my DP as you have to keep making an effort otherwise things can easily go stale. And then women complain that their DH has been looking elsewhere when they’ve let themselves go! I know it’s controversial but it’s true! I’m probably going to get hammered for saying it but I’ve seen it happen time and time again

But in this case the OP is just stating a simple fact isn’t she? He IS an asshole. If he’d shared his opinions on a chat forum first I don’t think it would have made him any more of less of an asshole. As long as the chat forum is anonymous what difference does it make 🤷🏻‍♀️

The fact that they have ‘a closer relationship that anyone else in the world’ will, I hope for the OP’s sake, not be the case for much longer. Their marriage is clearly not healthy and the OP will probably need to work through some stuff to realise this. Whether she posts on mumsnet, talks to a therapist or calls the Samaritans… who cares!

In fact, I would say discussing it anonymously with strangers is probably the safest way to do this because you know it won’t go any further.

You're saying words you don't seem to grasp the meaning of 😂 You're calling me a misogynist when nothing i have said indicates a hatred or discrimination of women, simply disagreement and distaste for specific unhealthy behaviour regardless of gender. It seems many of the commenters who want to defend bad behaviour are doing so in the vein of misandry though... weird amount of projection going on in these comments. Thankyou for helping me stay awake though. It's been very entertaining.

He isn’t just giving his opinion though is he, he said that ‘NO MAN’ could find her attractive. I mean, how offensive can you get?!!

It sounds to me like it’s her inherent style that he doesn’t like, but even if it’s about making an effort, there are ways of addressing that diplomatically that were certainly not employed here!

It sounds like there are really deep rooted problems in your marriage and you know it’s over.

Time to focus on the next steps you know you have to take.

I understand what you're saying, but at the same time it isn't really an applicable example. You're pointing to something outside of his control. If he was choosing to shave his head and you didn't like it, would you consider yourself an arsehole for telling him you prefer him when he grows his hair out? Or of you prefer him clean shaven and he is choosing not to shave, surely you would tell him this?