Do you do this? If so, WHY???????!!!!!!

[ThatIsNotMyNameSoWhyAreYouCallingMeThat]

It’s my birthday. 47 years on this planet. Had the same name for all of them.

Just two cards through the post, one from each of my mum’s sisters. Both of whom came to my wedding 20 years ago, where the words Mr + Mrs Hisname never appeared, and the cheques they each kindly gave us had to be corrected because neither of us changed our names. (They noticed we hadn’t cashed them and we had to tell them we couldn’t pay them in as we had no joint account (still don’t) and so no account existed that would recognise me as Sarah Hisname.

So why, 20 years on, with a few gentle reminders on the way, are the envelopes addressed to Mrs S Hisname and Sarah Myname-Hisname?

It’s very sweet of them to send cards at all, as a text would be absolutely fine, but I’m bamboozled by why anyone would go to the effort of buying and sending a card to someone and using a name they have NEVER used?

So if you do this, WHY?!

I agree with this. The OP is on a mission to make her point and is determined to be offended.
Can people not compromise these days and just move on in the interest of family harmony? Why do people seem to think they are the front middle and centre of everyone else's world and their every whim must be remembered and attended to?
Yes it's the op's name, yes it's important to her but she has chosen to not follow the usual pattern after marriage - which is becoming more usual, I realise this - but her choice really isn't important to anyone else and her aunts have probably gone onto automatic pilot when sending the cards.
The idea that going to the bother of sending a card but addressing it incorrectly is considered rude but RETURNING IT UNOPENED is perfectly OK showscme that some on this thread lost a grip on common sense in the pursuit of making their point.

Do the aunts not count as people who ought to compromise, use the correct name in the interests of family harmony, move on from their particular whim which involves repeated use of the wrong name? I think we all know the answer to that one.

And with that in mind, probably best you don't have anything to say about common sense.

Rude response, don't you think?
Family harmony would dictate someone has to be the bigger person and let it lie. The OP clearly thinks that's not her and other pps are egging her on to cause a family rift over - in the grand scheme of things - complete trivia.

People still send cards? will soon be as dates as cheques, you won't need to worry about it then.

No, rude is the multiple posts you've made on this thread with strangulated, double standard whining about why women wanting to be called their own names is a problem.

I'm surprised to see so many people defending aunts who repeatedly fail to use OP's surname. It's v disrespectful

The aunts should be politely reminded every time

I'm not. Some people will bend over backwards, sidewards and any other way to defend the indefensible when it comes to a woman wanting to be called her own name. There's no platitude too stupid to be employed in the service of putting her in her place.

It's not trivia it's her name. She's clearly made a choice about it and I personally think it's as offensive as "dead-naming" to call her something else.

They should be politely reminded each time until it becomes obvious they don't care. Then they can be rudely reminded.

It's really offensive though. If she'd changed gender and changed her name it wouldn't be acceptable so I don't see why this is seen as unimportant.

They only point it out when people are rude enough not to get it right

Why would she be determined to be offended? Your name is central to your identity. That’s one of the first things people learn about you when they meet you. She has every right to be upset, with her aunts arrogance, regarding this. She’s been reminding them of this for 20 years. It shows a fundamental lack of respect and acknowledgment. If the OP is genuinely upset and irritated, about this, are her feelings and thoughts not important, or are the feelings and thoughts of her aunts, more important, and OP has to just put up and shut because it’s „”family”?. No she doesn’t.

The feelings of the aunts are more important, because OP has made a decision that the poster disagrees with.

If I were to call the transwoman in my office the wrong name I'd probably and rightfully be given a stern warning. But if someone called me the wrong name it would just be shrugged off because I'm expected to take it? Well I'm not having it. I've deliberately chosen my last name it should be used correctly.

Being responsible for and doing things for the sake of „”family harmony”, usually falls on the women in the family, often to their detriment. Keeping quiet and keeping the peace, has sometimes meant that those women have to carry the burden of putting up with some unbelievable shit because it’s „”family”.

I've never said keeping your own name is an issue. I have kept my own name as it happens. I have no issue with women doing this, clearly.
What I do take issue with is turning this into a huge deal and assuming your choice is at the forefront of everyone's mind
My choice is my choice but I honestly can't get worked up about this. The OP and you are choosing to interpret it as some sort of grand gesture from the aunts to show their disapproval of something that incredibly commonplace.
I would choose to interpret it as a slight if hand or a lapse of concentration and nothing to make a fuss about.
But then I don't go through my lufe looking for drama where there is none.

You mean like the aunts, who are also women?

That’s one of the first things people learn about you when they meet you. Really? First name, yes. But don’t you have friends who don’t even know your surname?

Read the post again. I said you'd complained about women wanting to be called their own names. Which you clearly have.

And actually, you sound quite worked up. Multiple posts about how people are looking for attention, accusations of family rifts, all because someone wants to be called a name. Dare I say it, bit dramatic really.

Well you're obviously absolutely fuming about it OP. Why don't you call your Auntie's up and have a massive go at them about it? You can relay everything you've said here. See if you feel better 🙄

Yes, like her aunts who are also women, who in turn refuse to use their niece’s correct name, after knowing her entre life, and who have been continuously told, over a 20 year period, that they are using the wrong

Works both ways in this house. DH family always address me as Mrs DH. However, my work colleagues assume DH is Mr Jolly and at dinners the seating plan will have him with my name.

No big deal.

Yes, so this slight of hand or a lapse of concentration has been made every year, for 20 years, by 2 separate individuals? How conveniently synchronised.

Yeah Exactly. Do they think OP is just going to cave and go actually I'll change my name to that?

OP I suggest your DP goes round and asks if they've got an address/birthday book and he can write your name down for them if they are so incapable of remembering themselves. That or make sure you get their names wrong every single time

That’s not compromising. But you’re right. Compromise is best.

The next flowers I send will be addressed to Aunty Jack and Aunty Bob accordingly and we’ll see how they like compromising.