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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Tmi but left sanitary towel in bathroom

451 replies

Embarrassed3 · 12/10/2024 08:45

This morning I accidentally left a sanitary towel on the bathroom side. I did roll it up as usual but it must have come undone. This has never happened before and it was a genuine accident. I normally always put it in the bin straight away. Next thing I know DP comes storming in the room shouting “are you having a laugh you fucking scruffy cunt”

I get that nobody would want to see that but it was a genuine accident that has never happened before and I feel so ashamed and embarrassed. I wouldn’t have a problem at all if he’d have come in the room and reminded me not to leave it on the side but what he did actually scared me a bit

Sorry I know tmi

OP posts:
dcthatsme · 14/10/2024 09:55

Not a weirdo at all OP! He is running you down and only thinking negative thoughts about you. You sound like a thoughtful and kind person and you deserve to be treated with the respect with which you treat others. Wishing you all the best.

RedRoss86 · 14/10/2024 09:57

Good luck OP 💐💐
Agree with others above, seems like he just needs to say something nasty all the time, sounds like a fantastic prize.

TheMamaLife · 14/10/2024 09:58

whathaveiforgotten · 14/10/2024 08:02

It's sad you think that you should tolerate this and that your children aren't somehow being affected by being taught that women should do all the cleaning and cleaning etc and if they ask for a man to do their share he starts an argument.

Whether your kids are girls or boys, it's such a damaging and toxic environment that will cause them to think this is normal. The longer they're around it the more likely they are to replicate the dynamic as adults 😞

Show quote history

Thanks so much for taking the time to give advice on this. My post, where I’ve limited my words so as to not take over someone else’s thread, doesn’t convey in full the situation. “Caveman” was a bit harsh.. he cooks way more than I do, and if he doesn’t, he never asks me to because he knows I don’t like to/ have time to, and gets takeaways. He’s just messy, and doesn’t clean. That’s all. (I think he’s on the spectrum). When the situation calls for it, he gets stuck in with the baby and stuff around the house - (he taught me how to bathe him and led the way with nappies when he was newborn). The arguments are about cleaning… he does hoover and sort the bin. Our arguments are serious. But I take your point.

The point I was making for the OP is that, you don’t have to have an amazing metrosexual, super sensitive, super understanding, perfect husband, to expect better than the treatment got from her partner re the pad in the loo. I wanted to make this point as often, those in an abusive relationship, rationalise the abusive partners behaviour by telling themselves that the they didn’t mean what they said in that way, this is how this person speaks, etc.

Biddie191 · 14/10/2024 09:58

If it's your house, then you need to ask hm to leave. He is totally unreasonable. I've left one out on more than one occasion as has my daughter, even my 17 year old son has dealt with one before, didn't mention it until I did, and then was - 'yeah, thought it's fallen out of the bin or something'.

Horses7 · 14/10/2024 10:03

I think your latest post shows just how much he is manipulating you - wishing you all the best with your decisions.

Lavenderblue11 · 14/10/2024 10:08

Embarrassed3 · 14/10/2024 09:49

Hi everyone. Thanks so much for all the comments. I’m currently in the process of ending the relationship. He doesn’t know this yet. I won’t lie, it’s not easy as despite how he treats me I do love him and it’ll be strange not being with him but I know it’s something I need to do.

This might sound like a non issue but I’m just wondering what people make of this and why he reacted this way. I won a competition on Facebook. Loads of Christmas goodies for the kids that we can use on Christmas Eve and for stocking fillers. I told him I had won and showed him the picture of everything I’d won. He tutted and called me a weirdo. How does that make me a weirdo?

Is there no end to his knobness? Crikey, he's a horrible POS.
You are 100% making the right decision here OP, both for yourself and your DC. I know it's not easy, but try and be strong, life will be much better without that tosser in it.

EnjoythemoneyJane · 14/10/2024 10:09

You’re not a weirdo. He’s a cunt.

As has been observed dozens of times in this thread, OP.

He hates you to be happy, proud or in any way lifted up. A normal decent man would want those things for you. He doesn’t. He wants you to feel insecure, on edge, undermined and unhappy. He wants you to question and second guess your every word and impulse because it makes him feel like Billy Big Balls to keep you down. At this point it really doesn’t matter what normal little pleasure you may mention in passing - he’ll say some random contemptuous thing to stamp the joy out of it and put you back in your place.

Stop wondering why he says things, OP. Every time you analyse what he says to you it’s as though you’re doubting yourself because you suspect somehow his response is reasonable or correct. It really, really isn’t.

So glad you’re removing this toxic wanker from your life.

EnjoythemoneyJane · 14/10/2024 10:11

Embarrassed3 · 14/10/2024 09:49

Hi everyone. Thanks so much for all the comments. I’m currently in the process of ending the relationship. He doesn’t know this yet. I won’t lie, it’s not easy as despite how he treats me I do love him and it’ll be strange not being with him but I know it’s something I need to do.

This might sound like a non issue but I’m just wondering what people make of this and why he reacted this way. I won a competition on Facebook. Loads of Christmas goodies for the kids that we can use on Christmas Eve and for stocking fillers. I told him I had won and showed him the picture of everything I’d won. He tutted and called me a weirdo. How does that make me a weirdo?

Sorry, was responding to this quote and forgot to attach

Sicario · 14/10/2024 10:17

He sounds horrible. He clearly doesn't like you and finds women's body functions disgusting.

You exist merely to facilitate his life.

I hope you'll be able to take time for yourself to heal from this toxic relationship with a misogynist. Also be prepared from him to turn nasty when you end it. At which point you must not hesitate to call the police. A man like that can escalate very quickly.

thepariscrimefiles · 14/10/2024 10:19

Embarrassed3 · 14/10/2024 09:49

Hi everyone. Thanks so much for all the comments. I’m currently in the process of ending the relationship. He doesn’t know this yet. I won’t lie, it’s not easy as despite how he treats me I do love him and it’ll be strange not being with him but I know it’s something I need to do.

This might sound like a non issue but I’m just wondering what people make of this and why he reacted this way. I won a competition on Facebook. Loads of Christmas goodies for the kids that we can use on Christmas Eve and for stocking fillers. I told him I had won and showed him the picture of everything I’d won. He tutted and called me a weirdo. How does that make me a weirdo?

It doesn't make you a weirdo. It makes him a mean-spirited arsehole. He is so determined to put down anything that you do that he will even pretend that you winning lots of Christmas goodies for your kids is a weird thing to do. He is motivated exclusively by spite and jealousy.

TheMamaLife · 14/10/2024 10:21

Embarrassed3 · 14/10/2024 09:49

Hi everyone. Thanks so much for all the comments. I’m currently in the process of ending the relationship. He doesn’t know this yet. I won’t lie, it’s not easy as despite how he treats me I do love him and it’ll be strange not being with him but I know it’s something I need to do.

This might sound like a non issue but I’m just wondering what people make of this and why he reacted this way. I won a competition on Facebook. Loads of Christmas goodies for the kids that we can use on Christmas Eve and for stocking fillers. I told him I had won and showed him the picture of everything I’d won. He tutted and called me a weirdo. How does that make me a weirdo?

Not a weirdo. He wanted to be nasty. He could have just been happy for the kids as they’ll have a super nice Christmas.

Congratulations to you for the brave decision you’ve made. You won’t look back when all is said and done. There’s different kinds of love, and you and the kids deserve love that loves back, and wants your happiness.

Best of luck to you and the kids! You’ll be more than fine. Lean on your friends and family. Surround yourself with positivity and the future. ❤️

Squeezetheday · 14/10/2024 10:26

You aren’t a weirdo OP, he’s gaslighting you and showing what an arsehole he is. Wishing you the best of luck for the future, you’ve made the right decision

SquirrelSoShiny · 14/10/2024 10:34

Embarrassed3 · 14/10/2024 09:49

Hi everyone. Thanks so much for all the comments. I’m currently in the process of ending the relationship. He doesn’t know this yet. I won’t lie, it’s not easy as despite how he treats me I do love him and it’ll be strange not being with him but I know it’s something I need to do.

This might sound like a non issue but I’m just wondering what people make of this and why he reacted this way. I won a competition on Facebook. Loads of Christmas goodies for the kids that we can use on Christmas Eve and for stocking fillers. I told him I had won and showed him the picture of everything I’d won. He tutted and called me a weirdo. How does that make me a weirdo?

He just wants to piss on your chips for the fun of it. Fuck him out the door and never look back.

Ladymeade · 14/10/2024 10:44

Good for you OP. Hard thing to do but it sounds as though you are determined to follow through so good luck!

Han1978 · 14/10/2024 10:50

You poor thing- I’m ALWAYS doing things like this and my hubby just laughs at me!

agree with the other he sounds nasty 😢

Planesmistakenforstars · 14/10/2024 11:22

Congratulations OP, both for the exciting win and for taking steps to get rid of him. You are not a weirdo, you are reacting in a normal way to something that will be lovely for you and the kids. It's another example of him belittling you and making you feel small. It's about power, dominance and being a nasty little prick.

I know it's hard when you love someone, but try not to analyse every mean thing he says. You will never understand why he does it, because you can't put your mind into that of an arsehole. That is because you are not an arsehole, which is a good thing.

MaybeItsBecauseImALodoner · 14/10/2024 11:30

EnjoythemoneyJane · 14/10/2024 10:09

You’re not a weirdo. He’s a cunt.

As has been observed dozens of times in this thread, OP.

He hates you to be happy, proud or in any way lifted up. A normal decent man would want those things for you. He doesn’t. He wants you to feel insecure, on edge, undermined and unhappy. He wants you to question and second guess your every word and impulse because it makes him feel like Billy Big Balls to keep you down. At this point it really doesn’t matter what normal little pleasure you may mention in passing - he’ll say some random contemptuous thing to stamp the joy out of it and put you back in your place.

Stop wondering why he says things, OP. Every time you analyse what he says to you it’s as though you’re doubting yourself because you suspect somehow his response is reasonable or correct. It really, really isn’t.

So glad you’re removing this toxic wanker from your life.

Completely agree with this, he's sounds like a spiteful little wanker.. Who knows why and who cares.

Littys · 14/10/2024 11:33

Embarrassed3 · 14/10/2024 09:49

Hi everyone. Thanks so much for all the comments. I’m currently in the process of ending the relationship. He doesn’t know this yet. I won’t lie, it’s not easy as despite how he treats me I do love him and it’ll be strange not being with him but I know it’s something I need to do.

This might sound like a non issue but I’m just wondering what people make of this and why he reacted this way. I won a competition on Facebook. Loads of Christmas goodies for the kids that we can use on Christmas Eve and for stocking fillers. I told him I had won and showed him the picture of everything I’d won. He tutted and called me a weirdo. How does that make me a weirdo?

That is just his utter contempt for you and your children shining through.
Narcissists hate any joy that isn't around him.
Glad to read you will end this.
Ask yourself what you actually love about this moody man who is so nasty towards your children, taking his bad mood out on them?
I presume you love your children too, how would it not totally wound you to see them used as his emotional punching bag?
That damage is carried lifelong by them.
Remember how he makes them feel will become a voice in their head that will stay.

Ohnobackagain · 14/10/2024 11:47

@Embarrassed3 he is jealous of you in some
weird way so has to put you down/can’t be glad for you. Is he like this with anyone else?

T1Dmama · 14/10/2024 11:52

Embarrassed3 · 12/10/2024 10:15

The house is mine and I guess I’m feeling bad because I’m a genuinely nice person but I know I need to toughen up

It’s your house so tell him in no uncertain terms that HE needs to leave…. Don’t give him any ultimatums, just tell him you want him out ! In fact next time he buggars off out without telling you get the locks changed and text him to say you’re packing his things for him and he needs to arrange a time to collect them

T1Dmama · 14/10/2024 11:56

Embarrassed3 · 14/10/2024 09:49

Hi everyone. Thanks so much for all the comments. I’m currently in the process of ending the relationship. He doesn’t know this yet. I won’t lie, it’s not easy as despite how he treats me I do love him and it’ll be strange not being with him but I know it’s something I need to do.

This might sound like a non issue but I’m just wondering what people make of this and why he reacted this way. I won a competition on Facebook. Loads of Christmas goodies for the kids that we can use on Christmas Eve and for stocking fillers. I told him I had won and showed him the picture of everything I’d won. He tutted and called me a weirdo. How does that make me a weirdo?

He sounds like a narcissist and definitely has lights you.
please see if there are any local groups you can attend that do the freedom program, or if not buy the book… it’s a good education about how we manage to get abused and except it as normal / our fault etc….

im sure many chapters will remind you if your DP & you’ll find it quite enlightening

gorgeousgilbertblythe · 14/10/2024 12:18

This is shocking. Would he have had the same reaction of some blood on a tissue from a nose bleed? A bit gross but his reaction was massively (and aggressively) over the top.
This is someone with negative feelings towards you and you are right to end the relationship. It is awful behaviour.

The reaction to winning the prize is also weird. He sounds like the weirdo tbh.

Sending you good luck and kindness Flowers

cuddlebear · 14/10/2024 12:36

You really aren’t a weirdo.

He is a horrible man and your life will be so much happier without him.

Poodlemania · 14/10/2024 12:43

Wonderful to win all those goodies just before Christmas,well done and he should have been really excited for you too.
I think you should show him this thread or have a serious chat with him and ask if it is appropriate to call anyone a C .and say he needs move out whilst you decide if you have a future together.

Penguinfeet24 · 14/10/2024 12:54

He's a fucking idiot and you are absolutely right to get rid! most people would day that's a great thing that you've won stuff that will make your Christmas extra lovely for your kids but not him, he's got to be an utter cunt about it. Please believe in yourself, he's relying on you being a nice person to allow him to treat you however he wishes - don't let him!!