In Law holiday over due date

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I am due my third baby in the next four weeks. We have two children already, one who is non-verbal and has autism. my in-laws are usually quite good at doing the odd bit of babysitting for us and are really good at dealing with the needs of our son and being able to keep him calm as they know him well. Our plan was for them to come to look after the children when I go into labour especially as I labour very very quickly and they are only in the next town over.

However, we found out two weeks ago that my in-laws have booked a 14 day holiday away over my due date. I am furious because they didn’t even consider us when making this decision. By their own words they “didn’t even think of that”.

This has left us with very few options for when I go into labour. We have lovely friends who have offered to come but coordinating who is available on what day and when could be problematic. They also are lovely people but none of them are really used to looking after our kids and especially dealing with the needs of our youngest and understanding his non-verbal communications. My in-laws really are our only “village” and we are feeling very let down.

Their response was that my Mum, who already cares for my sisters kids through the week as well as my elderly father, should travel the 8 hours up here and stay for the two weeks incase I go into labour and they are not accepting that this has never been the plan, nor really can be due to her responsibilities.

To make it even worse, they are both retiring within the next 6 months and therefore could take a holiday at any time, why on earth are they doing it now? We feel so far down their list of priorities and I’m trying to rationalise how this is not just an incredibly selfish and hurtful move from them.

I am confused OP. You say you have quick labours so anyone looking after your other children wouldn’t have to stay very long. Then you say you ‘nearly died’ last time which usually would require a longer stay in hospital to recover? I hope this labour goes smoothly, without complications, whatever your childcare arrangements might be.

Not true. Is available at a cost. Also thru ss chilren with disabilities team direct payments eventually for older child. I have ds with complex needs. Paid fortune sen nanny etc . Later dps from ss helped. Family members unable. Also op implied use childcare already so sen nursery worker?

See eg snap childcare agency or similar. Special school teaching assistants may be happy to get additional work.

This post is directly at odds with your first one where you said in laws have a good relationship with your SN child. I personally wouldn’t trust someone who does ‘the odd bit of babysitting’ to keep a child with extra needs for the time it takes you to be in a hospital (likely to be extended if you nearly died before). Also it’s very odd your own mum isn’t interested in being there for you if you, in fact, nearly died before

‘Nearly died last time’ but decide to go back for more. The mind boggles.

If she had said I'm upset/saddened/disappointed then I would have taken a more understanding approach. Furious is ridiculous. It shows an entitlement over someone else's life. Yes it's nice when grandparents can help out but booking a holiday doesn't mean they are not interested in baby at all. It doesn't mean they are not excited. It's the same as most threads on here where posters are "heart broken" or "devastated" over things that really don't warrant that kind or language. Maybe op was being over dramatic but assuming she has written it as she feels then yes she is unreasonable

Yes I agree, someone always has to say this. As if grandparents can be blackmailed into providing childcare by this threat!

child with complex needs, we never got help through SS . there is no childcare for those with complex needs in the school holidays let alone ad hoc care for an event which you cannot plan for like someone going into labour.

That's awful that they have let you down so close to your due date. I can imagine this is giving you even more anxiety having to come up with alternative arrangements.
It's very possible they realised just how much work this could be for them having your children for potentially a few days or longer (in the case there was any complications and you had to stay in hospital), and maybe they took the cowards way out by booking this 14 day holiday to ensure they were out of the way when you went into labour.
Or it's possible they really just didn't think, but even if that's the case, it's a very thoughtless thing to do. You're due to have their grandchild and you almost died last time, so surely their thoughts would be on being around to welcome their grandchild and be here should there be any emergencies.
Its absolutely thoughtless and disappointing. But it is set now so you just have to roll with it and lean on your friends who have kindly offered support.
Your children may be unsettled for a few days in the care of people they haven't been cared by for previously, but they will survive! Just get it arranged as best as possible. Maybe start a group chat with the friends who offered to help so you can all liaise openly should anything happen last minute.
Everything will be fine. Good luck 💕 xx

They are trying to send a message, perhaps scared that they will be roped in for childcare. In their place I would have waited to send that message. Especially since you barely ask them for childcare.

I myself have zero desire to provide regular childcare in the future but I would always be there for emergencies.

I wouldn’t want them to change their plans now and ‘save the day’, they’ve proven what their priorities are already. But I would certainly remember where I, my DH and my DC factor in their priorities in future, and encourage DH to tell them how disappointed we are in what they have decided to do: miss the birth of their grandchild, greatly inconvenience you despite previous arrangements/conversations, leave other GC in the care of someone less familiar with their needs… all for a holiday. I hope their holiday is worth it! In fact I don’t, I hope their flights are delayed, they lose their luggage and get the shits - kidding! (not kidding) LOL

Many years ago my friend said to me "Never expect anything from anyone and then you will never be disappointed".
I always live by this mantra now because I have been let down by my parents many times when they said they would help out with the kids and then changed their minds.
They are now in their 80's, mum has dementia and dad replies heavily on my help, I have to bite my tongue sometimes when I want to remind him of the times they let me down.

I think that's rubbish of them. I just can't believe the low bar the majority of people have on here for family support.

My thoughts exactly

Yes I sometimes wonder on MN where normal human and familial sentiment has gone. It’s all “ I get nothing from them so I’m giving nothing back.”; “ They’re toxic ( aka make demands or comments against script) so I’m NC.”

Gone are the times when even some retired paid house staff were kept on after they ceased to be useful.

Me, me,me.

This. And off topic but as a young mother myself I feel MILs can’t win - they’re either criticised for being too involved or the opposite and women my age act like they are holding the kids to randsom if they deem the MiL “toxic”.

In the OP’s case hopefully the friends & husband can work it out between them, and the in-laws can help a bit when they are back from their holiday.