To decline to answer what school my child goes to?

[Icicle90]

I sometimes get strangers asking what primary school my son goes to if the topic comes up in conversation and I always prefer not to answer just from a safety and privacy POV. For example the hairdresser today asked and a few weeks ago, someone else that I don't know that well asked.
Is it weird to just say I prefer to keep his personal information private when someone asks?

Unusual but your choice which should be accepted.

I used to be vague with clients at work, or sometimes have even said I wasn't allowed to disclose. I worked with families, often where parents had concerning behaviours, and it wasn't unknown for us to be threatened/stalked. I voted YANBU, as I feel you should use your gut instinct, and judge each situation as it comes as a parent.
FWIW - hairdressers are the experts on small talk, and that wouldn't bother me at all. It's a fairly normal chat with or about a child, when parent is there.

If someone told me their DC's school in small talk, then I'd probably have forgotten two minutes later.
If they made it a huge secret, then I saw them in uniform or something else that gave it away I'd be far more likely to remember it.

And if someone wanted to know for bad reasons they'd be able to find out easily without asking.

Are you trying to hide the fact that he has special needs? No judgement from me, I have a DC with autism. I try to educate others and normalise things when I can.
Be careful that your little one doesn't pick up on any negativity, all kids can be very proud of their schools.

Just because something is unusual, doesn't mean it's weird. You look after your son how you best see fit.

Personally, I understand that feeling of discomfort, but I can't face the awkwardness of making a big deal of it, so I usually just say it. If it were a total stranger on a bus or in a waiting room etc then I wouldn't say.

They’re just making conversation

If I asked this as a way of making conversation and got that answer, I would feel that I was being rebuked for nosiness, or maybe even accused of something more sinister.

So that's what you've got to weigh up- is it important enough to you to risk offending people who are just being polite? Given that, as other PPs have pointed out, they can find out anyway just by passing him in the street, it seems excessive to me without more information.

But the calculation- based on the exact circumstances- is for you.

Also, MN being what it is, if you posted that your hairdresser wouldn't tell you what school her kids went to, AIBU to think she's being a weirdo, you'd have had a total pile on telling you its not your business, and that she's perfectly entitled to keep personal information private!

How to turn mundane small talk into a massively awkward moment! She doesn't care. What happens if she bumps into you and your kids in school jumpers? Is that a safeguarding issue? What if she turns up at the nativity play to watch her nephew? I feel like the world is getting weirder. Of course don't plaster your kids photo or personal details all over the Internet but surely this is different?? If someone said that to me, I would assume they had made their family up and were now trying not to get caught out!

It’s very weird to have a blanket policy of telling no one where your child goes to school.

If some random person came up to you in the park, and said “your son is very sweet, what school does he go to” then I can understand keeping it secret. But your hairdresser is just making conversation . Like when they say “are you going out tonight” they’re not planning to burgle your house. Nor do they really care whether or not you’re ready for Christmas !

I mean it's not something I've even thought about, I suppose context is everything, I wouldn't feel weird about telling my hairdresser but I have known her for about 12 years.

I think if you said this to me I wouldn't be offended or anything, it's your child and you have your reasons you know?

I have asked other parents what school their kids go to, it never even occurred to me that maybe I shouldn't but it's only to find out about their experience with the schools because I'm looking for my daughter at the moment.

That's a factor affecting a small number of people which I'm going to say if relevant would have been mentioned by the OP.

You don’t have to tell people. They will just think you are odd though.

Why would you think your hairdresser would not only target children but your child specifically??

If they were a predator they could target any school, so for the school info to be interesting to them they would need to be a predator + have an interest in your child specifically.
Get a grip…

That has been the case for some time with looked-after children, or those who have escaped from a domestic abuse situation, and their current whereabouts needs to be witheld for safeguarding reasons.

I think that other people have now perhaps jumped on that bandwagon and blank out the school logos on their kids' uniform as well, particularly if they are the sort of parents who are very active on social media.

100% agree, great analogy about the house burglary

But important for everyone to remember

It's up to you, but it sounds like you are maybe ashamed that he has special needs or are afraid of you or him being judged. People asking about his school are most likely just looking for common ground or a conversation opener.

Yes, it is weird. People must wonder what on earth you’ve got to hide.

OP, you don't want to share those details and that should be sufficient.

I don't divulge personal details in public/on social media, whenever I can avoid it. Especially the people who ask, "When's your birthday?" or those memes that resemble common security questions.

There are reasons identity theft etc. is so easy. And you can't always distinguish between the people who have no boundaries when asking questions and those with different intentions.

There are several previous social conventions that don't work well in a hyperconnected world with cybersecurity that is repeatedly and demonstrably inefficient.

So in say a work chat people are talking about their birthdays and someone ask when yours is what do you answer?

Id imagine that when NI folk talk to each other they are all aware of the sensitivities, I think I can guarantee that I won't ever be in a situation where I'd need to remember that

I think you're trying to be funny, ha ha bloody ha. I can assure you that if you were ever in that situation, whereby a man with half an ear and his big mate have forced you to a cashpoint, after trashing your house, your mind would be fearing allsorts. I know it sounds unbelievable, and before it happened to me I also would have thought, oh really? But in the moment, I was terrified for myself, my family, my house, my life.
This is off-topic, sorry to OP, I shared my experience to try and give a valid reason why not over-sharing might be wise.

If you’re getting your haircut in this small town, guaranteed everyone will know who you are and what school your kid goes to anyway. Hairdressers are notorious for gossip and you’re just adding fuel to the fire by not answering questions. Someone will know you and tell all and if they don’t, they’ll pretend to and make the rest up. You’re a little weird tbh.

Not unreasonable, especially if/ when your child is old enough to travel alone - the world doesn't need to know where he'll be at 3.30pm Mon - Fri 38 weeks of the year. The same way you'd be vague about holiday dates leaving your house empty.