To decline to answer what school my child goes to?

[Icicle90]

I sometimes get strangers asking what primary school my son goes to if the topic comes up in conversation and I always prefer not to answer just from a safety and privacy POV. For example the hairdresser today asked and a few weeks ago, someone else that I don't know that well asked.
Is it weird to just say I prefer to keep his personal information private when someone asks?

You're mistaking small talk for genuine interest. Other people are not all that interested in your son. They just assume you are, so he's an obvious topic for easy conversation.

Are you living under cover as a spy ? Otherwise this is mad.

Quite. Dear lord, this is utterly ludicrous.

This, I have to make small talk a lot in my job I guarantee if I'm even listening I won't remember you or the conversation 2 minutes later.

Do you deliver your child to school in a vehicle with blacked out windows, or do you walk there with a veil over his head? And yours of course, because anyone who knows you could then work out which school he goes to. This is ridiculous.

I mean, I think you’re being a bit ott with safeguarding concerns unless there’s no contact with a biological parent or something- people just use this to make conversation, like talking about the weather, unless it’s because a biological parent That said, I don’t like it when people ask but that’s for a very specific reason - some random in the doctor’s waiting room once asked me and when I told her the name (it’s private) she DEMANDED to know why I’d sent my children to a prep school and then took it upon herself to tell me her opinions of private schools and ‘parents like me’ right across the room! I was utterly gobsmacked and really wouldn’t like to repeat the experience!

That's a bit different though as anyone can see that! These are people you're already in friendly conversation with?

There are only two primaries in my area so my hairdresser could have made a 50/50'guess for my kids lol it would have seemed weird.

Unless the person is a stranger or seems nefarious this does come across a little hostile and like you suspect them of something

Yes but if someone from the local community saw it, like the hairdresser in your example, they’d probably know from the colour of the jumper.

If you really want to then just say “one of the local schools” and change the subject.

It’s just small talk, they will say “oh lovely my nephew used to go there” or similar comment. When you walk home from school do you cover their uniform? Hide their book bag? You are displaying this information all the time.

Realty weird.

What do you think your hairdresser is going to do with this information

It's just conversation.

I'm careful not to post anything identifying on social media. It's completely locked down security wise and the only people who have access are people i know in real life, but I work with people who have the potential to be very dangerous (to the point that in interactions with them we don't even use our real names) so yes, if I'm posting something on social media i will blank out a jumper logo. But that's the extreme end of the scale. I have no issue with telling my hair dresser or the lady on the check out in Tesco which school he goes to.

I think saying you prefer to keep this private is likely to raise more interest and questions that just saying they're in the local primary or something equally as vague. People do judge or make assumptions based on school catchment or reputation unfortunately. But that's true about anything, probably even which hairdressers you are in in the first place. If you are really worried about safety for a specific reason then you need to ensure a safety plan with the school, but otherwise you are going to miss out on normal social situations by responding like this.

This seems sad and to come from a place of shame, rather than paranoia. Would you be withholding the name of his school if he went to an elite primary for gifted toffs?

This has got absurd, hasn't it? The fear of a hairdresser knowing which school your child goes to. I've not come across this before!

OP, people are going hard on you. Is this more about not wanting to mention his school because it may lead to discussions about why he goes there, what SEN he has? If so, I think that's understandable and the questions above are good suggestions.

No. It's just small talk, it's unlikely that the hairdresser will do anything with the information.

How would knowing the school mean someone knowing his business?

If he is at a SEN school then naming it begs the next question of 'what's wrong with him'. So if it is for that reason I understand.

Nobody would want to know that, for goodness sake. You name the school, end of conversation.

Given that children can’t consent to having their imagine stuck on the internet, potentially forever, I think it’s different than them walking down the street.

Honestly they would.
Not everyone, but many people ask stuff without thinking through possible answers.

See also 'aren't you married yet?" or 'are you going to start a family' questions.

If they are that concerned about their kids privacy they probably shouldn't post pictures of them full stop

You are being very weird.
Children wear uniform everyone who sees him going to school will know anyway. I know where all the local children are at school without asking.
I would assume given your answers to people trying to mAke polite conversation your child is either in the care system or you are fleeing domestic abuse???
Talking about schools is the way parents pass time sitting outside clubs/swimming lessons etc etc.
Honestly relax it is literally just chat nobody actually really cares unless they want a review of that particular school. Also children tend to tell people when asked about school!

Yeah I don't know what hiding the logo is going to do!

It's harmless. Just a general answer. It's chit chat. You're not giving them your pin or a sample of DNA.