To decline to answer what school my child goes to?

[Icicle90]

I sometimes get strangers asking what primary school my son goes to if the topic comes up in conversation and I always prefer not to answer just from a safety and privacy POV. For example the hairdresser today asked and a few weeks ago, someone else that I don't know that well asked.
Is it weird to just say I prefer to keep his personal information private when someone asks?

A prime example of not being capable of critical thinking.

This is a good thread because it's really made me think - I always make small talk with mums and often ask 'what school are they at?' but only to make small talk - I don't mean anything sinister by it. Although I also understand not wanting to open up too much about your life in general - I think I'll be more mindful of asking in future actually.

This is ridiculous at first I thought you meant complete ransoms but the hairdresser etc. is just madness.

But a tradesman could see the child’s uniform? Either in person or a picture… they could see certificates on the fridge, letters the side…they could know a friend of a friend etc… it’s not like the only what they’d know this vital piece of information only if you told them. Also it’s a bit of a stretch to think that someone who would be aggressive about being paid, what presumably he felt he was owed, would then kidnap your son if you didn’t pay. Or are you starring in a new itv drama?

what a terrifying experience. I hope you reported him to the police.

Presumably your child is at the school that helps him the most. I would be proud not embarrassed about that.

This!

Read it back OP and realise how absolutely ridiculous this sounds! If you replied that to me, I would think you were a total weirdo.

If I was worried my hair dresser would hunt down and kills my kids, I would defo change hairdressers.

My grandson has additional needs. I don't get asked about his school as he doesn't live locally. But when what he's doing comes up in small talk type chat, I'll mention this whenever it seems appropriate. Some really good conversations have emerged as a result. It seems as if most people somewhere have a child or a relative who is 'different' and they are usually very happy to share their stories.

Do you never go anywhere after school with his uniform on? Or is he in camouflage?

I'd not say to strangers but would tell my hairdresser, she knows my whole life story 🤣

This is weird.

Shouting on the roof top to everyone, including many many strangers you’ve never met where your dcs is going to school isn’t the same than answering to ONE person you know.

If the name of the school indicates DC’s special needs I can see you might not want to go there in casual conversation. Tricky. However refusing to say might just start speculation.

Yes very weird.

This level of secrecy will only work until your child happily tells people themselves or until they are seen in the uniform.

Unless there is a genuine safeguarding concern I really wouldn’t choose this as the hill to die on.

Just out of interest - how do you answer? Do you literally say. I prefer not to tell you?

actual out loud laughing here

I think it's a perfectly normal and innocuous question.

It sounds like it has triggered negative feelings you personally have about the school and/or the reasons your child attends.

My child doesn't attend a special school but they do go to autism projects. Talking about these things spreads awareness and helps reduce prejudice.

Yes, it’s weird. I have family who pose an actual danger to my children, like criminal convictions, safeguarding issues, we are NC and they do not even know what part of the country we live in. I don’t post photos on social media that give away where my dc go to school (though my social media is private with no access to anyone who has contact with my family). But it wouldn’t stop me telling Brenda who I got chatting with at Co-op where my dc go to school. 😂 Brenda does not want to kidnap my children and school has very tight security. I can’t even get in to drop off a forgotten bag!

Speaking from personal experience, if your dc are likely to be harmed, it will almost certainly be by someone trusted who is close to you already and at home or at a home you feel comfortable with them spending time in. Not at school.

Is your child very famous?

I wouldn't tell people which primary school my children went to (it was a shit school academically but pastoral care was good) so I was embarrassed to send them there. DH thought it was a brilliant place. So easier to keep the peace, home school the main subjects and the timings fitted around my part time job.
I tell people they were home edded at primary level

Having grown up in Northern Ireland during the worst of the Troubles I still, even today, would not normally ask anyone what school their child / grandchild attends, as they might think I’m trying to find out if they are Protestant or Catholic and wouldn’t want to make them feel uncomfortable.

I totally understand blocking out school logos on photos. Those could be shared with anyone and the general audience is much wider.

But not answering a simple question asked by someone in a one to one situation is a bit odd if there are no safeguarding concerns. To be honest they're just making small talk.....they couldn't actually give a toss where your child goes to school!

I totally agree with PPs that I would assume your child was adopted if you said that to me as it only my two friends with adopted children that lock down this information so completely.

I think that's very specific to areas which have had sectarian problems. There's no indication of that here.

I think it's overly protective and paranoid behaviour, to be honest.