To decline to answer what school my child goes to?

[Icicle90]

I sometimes get strangers asking what primary school my son goes to if the topic comes up in conversation and I always prefer not to answer just from a safety and privacy POV. For example the hairdresser today asked and a few weeks ago, someone else that I don't know that well asked.
Is it weird to just say I prefer to keep his personal information private when someone asks?

That's because there are online predators as you have no control who sees the pic once it is online.

People you are talking to irl are likely not to ve online predators- your hairdresses is unlikely to seek out your child.

@ChocChipPancake

I'm a safeguarding specialist and I can assure you that tell g your hairdresser that your dc is at x school is not a risky activity!

General advice for social media is to only post to true friends and family not "followers". These would be influencers posting to thousands, most of whom they do not know blur the school name so people don't know where they live, not the same. Celebrities blurring faces or shots from behind is also advisable but not necessary for my 46 Facebook friends all of which I see in real life!

Honestly nobody actually cares! They are making conversation or trying to make a connection with you.

I'm guessing those who are answering "oh just tell them, it's not a state secret" are not in Northern Ireland or some parts of the west of Scotland.

If you answer what school did you go to with " Our lady of the Holy tights" and the questioner is a militant protestant loyalist expect to be called "a fucking Fenian hoor". Or as a friend former armed forces overheard in the officers mess "Harrow - you went to Harrow, all special needs (he did not use these words) and enjoying homosexual congress with each other (he didn't put it quite like that).

Why not say "the local school" and change the subject - "oh is that a red squirrel over there?"

OP, I don’t have kids but I understand your worries totally. I think posters are being really harsh. It is difficult when you are in a small place, people will likely be able to guess anyway.

I am really funny about telling people where I work and tend to just keep it vague! Even with keeping it vague, a man on OLD once was able to guess where I worked and showed up once.

"Oh, just the local school, so they are with all their friends." Then change the topic.

"Is it weird to just say I prefer to keep his personal information private when someone asks?"

Saying that would be weird, yes.

But just changing the subject to avoid answering the question would be absolutely fine.

Yeah I agree, precious and attention seeking.

I think many of the people posting haven't seen this. There is no security reason not to tell your hairdresser what school your child goes to, but if you aren't comfortable discussing their special needs, fair enough.

You probably need a better way to avoid answering though, if you don't want her speculating what you are hiding.

Honestly if you're not going to tell I would just lean into it like "ah for safety reasons that's something we have to keep private. Hey I remember last time I was in here you said you were off to Barbados this summer. How was it?"

I think this at least would put someone's mind into child in care, adoption, domestic violence issues etc and most people would drop it and understand.

I think the "I don't want to disclose" without reason is actually so much more mysterious and people will talk more and think of it as a fun thing to try and solve.

A lot of people who have never had any safeguarding experience don't think of those things straight away, so if you specifically mention safety then at least hopefully that stops it becoming fun gossip.

You'll also look quite a lot less odd.

When you pick him up from school do you go via the back entrance, set up a privacy tunnel that ferries him out into a car with blacked out windows and then drive him home, perhaps with a couple of other decoy cars so that if you’re followed people will be confused as to which one is carrying him. Then once home, get home out into the house under a giant sheet so that no one can see his uniform at any point?

@TheYearOfSmallThings it's stated in the OP though that it's also for safety reasons. OP mentions her dc has additional support needs but doesn't say that they are at a special school

These threads give me the biggest eye roll

@EvangelicalAboutButteredToast I'm surprised you find that funny tbh

If it's a small town and your DC wears a uniform, then anyone who sees you on the school run knows what school he goes to. Taking exception to ordinary small talk must be exhausting.

I honestly don’t. It’s the laughing you do whilst shaking your head and sending prayers upwards to save us all from the madness.

It’s none of her business. I totally understand your decision. 💐💐💐

Well presumably there’s a limited number of schools he would go to then anyway, so if they were intent on causing harm they could find it anyway?

I would use this as an opportunity to think about your reasons for being so cagey. Are you embarrassed by the fact your child goes to a special school, or is it that the conversation is upsetting and triggering in some way? A lot of us have entrenched ableism and it’s good to examine those feelings (maybe in therapy?)

I’m not saying you are abelist. I think some SEN parents must feel that this is not how they want to be defined, or they just don’t have the energy to get into it. It’s hard being out of step with all the other parents, and it can be really lonely. I can totally see how at the hairdresser you might want a respite from your life, not a reminder of how difficult it is compared to the parents of children that are in mainstream.

Be kind to yourself. I see you even if other people here don’t

Your hairdresser doesn’t care. She’s just trying to be polite and make small talk. Swapping information about where your kids go to school is a normal subject for a lighthearted chat.

I think the OP might be saying she doesn't want to have to discuss his special needs and giving the school would lead into this. I understand op. It is hard to avoid though. I think I would try and own it and be confident as it makes it easier in the long run. I had this and it is tricky. I would come up with a pre prepared answer and then move the conversation on. E.g he attends x school which is a specialist one as he has some additional needs.

I don't think it is weird to want to keep things private but it would be weird to express it in such a blunt way - deflect the conversation first and under share before the point where it got to discussing where you son goes to school (which will just be chit chat). Don't discuss your family at all - deflect before this and keep conversation about TV/holidays/events/products/weather...

I overshared at the hairdresser yesterday - then I was asked a very direct question as a direct result of that (someone's name), which I didn't want to answer and I just deflected it. Hairdresser didn't really care but it just got too close for comfort and I suddenly realised I was oversharing and should shut up about that topic.

Then if they really want to know, they'll find out.