To decline to answer what school my child goes to?

[Icicle90]

I sometimes get strangers asking what primary school my son goes to if the topic comes up in conversation and I always prefer not to answer just from a safety and privacy POV. For example the hairdresser today asked and a few weeks ago, someone else that I don't know that well asked.
Is it weird to just say I prefer to keep his personal information private when someone asks?

As a general principle - it's your child. No one is going to look out for him 100% of the time except for you and his other parent, if applicable. So if you genuinely feel that revealing a piece of information (to a member of the public, obviously not to relevant authorities) puts him at risk, act accordingly. His safety and privacy is more important than a stranger's or acquaintance's possible momentary discomfort at not being told. If I were on the receiving end, I'd respect your right to maintain boundaries even if they're not the same ones I'd set for giving info about my own children.

They are just making small talk , they really don't care what school your child goes to. Well unless their child is going to soon and are likely to be going to the same one and want to know what you think about it

In a small town any and every stranger on the street will know what school he goes to due to the school uniform he's wearing anyway. Not sure why an acquaintance such as a hairdresser is any worse knowing

It’s strange not to say if you are already having a conversation with someone. The hairdresser isn’t a stranger off the street and I doubt she really cared what school he went to, she’s just making conversation.

Ridiculous! If a dodgy person with ill-intent is hellbent on getting into a school they 100% are not going to target their specific precious offspring, unless they're Prince George and they're looking for a chunky ransom.

Why not just say one of the local county schools which actually says nothing but does answer their question?

Yeah and that's weird too. Your child may walk down the street in their uniform and people might see with their actual eyes 😮

Does he not wear uniform?

If it's a small town where people talk, I hate to tell you this, but your obdurate answer will get them talking more. What is she hiding? It was just small talk, has she got a crazy ex? Should we be worried in the community for our safety? The gossip will spread like wildfire.

I would say he goes to a completely different school. Then it's a socially acceptable answer that won't start the rumours, and you get to keep your privacy. Don't pick a different one every single time though - because you'll lose track

She knows your name, address and phone number. I think if she had some sort of terrible agenda, something would have happened by now. She couldn't get past school security anyway.

That's totally different - it's got their face and their identity is exposed. I do think it's weird and I wonder why you are being so secretive.

I'm a teacher and I always get asked where I teach. I hate it. There's such a pressure on teachers atm. It's always followed up by someone the know who goes there and then makes me paranoid!

Then you'll get all tied up in knots, the hairdresser will say oh my niece goes there, he's the same age as you child, is he in Mrs so and sos class or what did you think about that shocking thing that happened last week etc and what then what do you say?

I can't think of an evasive reply that won't make you sound a bit weird

Yeah but really they shouldn't be putting their kids photo on the Internet at all they just don't get the real threat posed

Why? It's normal talk to ask where people work.

I had the supermarket check out lady ask me and I mentioned the general area rather than the actual school. There are 8 schools in my borough so it could be any one of them.

Just say he goes to the local schooDodown the road, job done. I think you're overthinking it, this issue can be very easily dealt with politely.

If I asked this question and the person avoided an answer I would think they were ashamed or had something to hide. Child in the care system would spring to mind. If your child attends a special needs school then I’d think you were ashamed of that.

If you are happy to stop a conversation dead in its tracks then fair enough. We are losing the art of conversation in society anyway - people wearing headphones, people finding it easier to communicate via social media than face to face. It’s a shame as having conversations used to be how we took an interest in people’s lives and found out information about the place we live in.

You do you but if people think you are unfriendly and uncommunicative as a result then so be it.

So pick one further away in the next town that no one else will be travelling to. At one point I went to a lovely primary school 17 miles from home, but then I grew up in the sticks so everywhere was a bit of a distance. Was an arse of a school run for my poor mum! If questioned, say he wanted to go to school with his 'cousins' and 'auntie' does pick up or some shit.

Although you've made me realise that even though I now live anonymously in a city, that small town mental acrobatics lying you constantly have to do when you like your privacy never quite leaves you!

Yeah it’s very weird. 🤣🤣🤣

My hairdresser asked and our sons go to the same school (also small town) and we had a really good conversation about the SEN provision at the school.

Most people are making conversation. They probably won’t remember, in an hour.

and even if they do, they probably couldn’t pick your child out of a line up.

Why are you asking here OP? Clearly most people will think it’s odd because saying ‘I’d rather not say’ is not the norm, but who cares? If you don’t want to tell people which school your son goes to don’t.

You are implying that the person asking has an ulterior motive for asking and that is pretty offensive. Unless you are famous or have another reason to keep the school secret, it could come across as a bit self important or paranoid. You have every right to keep it private but people will definitely think it is a bit rude and annoying.

Social media posts can be visible to any and every passing, dirty mac wearing weirdo.

Chatting with a lady in the hairdressers who shows a polite interest in your child is completely different.

I knew a mum who was ashamed her DS went to a school for DC with learning difficulties. She'd lie. I found that really sad. 99% of the time people really don't care. It's just to fill a gap in conversation.
There are several local schools, one a very expensive public school (that DIL attended and hated), one Catholic and the other three are state. One of those is outstanding (in a beautiful area, oversubscribed, small catment with more expensive housing, my DC went there), one average and one that needs improving.
Of course there are outliers but someone I know asks the question to make a snap judgement of you as a family, to see whether you're good enough.
I suspect your hairdresser was simply making small-talk and didn't have a nefarious motive. What do you think someone would do with the information?

Have you ever taken your kid shopping after school in their uniform. People don't care and are making conversation stop being weird