To be annoyed by hearing my DH saycomplishment today is making you laugh - to his work colleague

[Yuai]

My DH has a female work colleague with whom he has become increasingly friendly. They often chat when he’s WFH. I overheard a few interesting comments from him to her over time, but today, I overheard him saying to her: “I achieved something today, and that’s “her name” to make you laugh and put a smile on your face”. WTAF. They are both in highly professional-level roles. I personally wouldn’t dare make these kinds of comments to my colleagues. I asked them about his comment, and he said she’s a very close and supportive colleague. Frankly, he’s been very moody before becoming friends with her, so in a way, having her makes his highly stressful job manageable and improves his mood. But is this too much? He said some other questionable things to her too..

I don't even understand what he's said sorry

I'm sorry but I don't understand what you mean Op.

Gosh how bizarre. I'm in such a similar situation. My husband has a work friend and they are constantly texting and chatting. It's very confusing what to think.

He said to his work colleague: “ I achieved something today, and that something is to put a smile on your face and make you laugh.”

Oh hell no. He’s sniffing around.

Why has that annoyed you? Doesn’t sound particularly odd to me, more like a task or something he’s been meaning / needing a do for a while and he’s finally done it?

If it were a male colleague would it still have bothered you? When I've been having a shit time at work I've often had a colleague say similar to that, sometimes exactly that! I don't see it as an issue.

I understand now. I've sometimes said things like that when things have been going wrong and I've told a colleague. "Well at least I achieved something today, even if it was just making you laugh." as in...although everything went wrong, at least we got a chuckle out of it. Depends on the tone/context which i suppose is hard to figure out when just over-hearing.

Would he say that to a male colleague I wonder?

Not sure what other posters aren’t understanding.

At best he’s a bit of a creepy misogynist.

He said he's accomplished something today, and that's to make her laugh and put a smile on her face. In isolation that wouldn't worry me because I can imagine a man saying that to a male colleague. However close supportive friendships with the opposite sex that turn you from moody to happy are a possible concern. Tbh there's not much you can do about it though unless you catch him crossing a line.

I sometimes say stuff like that to colleagues if I've had a particularly incompetent day "well if nothing else at least I've made you laugh" but it's usually a self-deprecating comment.

It sounds as though you don't think that was how this was said though, and I can see it could be meant in a problematic way.

I think that is patronising sexist codswallop that has no place in a workplace

I understand it now

This isn’t the only thing I overheard over time… nothing overtly bad, but I felt like pushing it a bit. Plus, he’s always so concerned about her—telling me about her.
Again, I wouldn’t ever doubt him, as we have always been good to each other. But…

Listen to your gut.

You wouldn’t dare say that to a colleague.

I would. I would say it to a male or female colleague. I am in a highly professional role. So I don’t think that’s an issue.

There’s a group of about 6 people at work that make doing the job less stressful and we chat if we are wfh. 2 are male. 4 are women. Nothing going on between anyone we just get on.

I am going to assume there’s other things you are concerned about?

You're doubting him. And that's fine.

Yes. He has never been this close to anyone at work. He’s introverted. Plus I feel chatting to her for over 30 minutes is too much when he’s so “busy” at work.

Hmm I’m not sure really. I’ve got good male colleagues who are kind and say stuff like this to me to cheer me up sometimes if I’m having a bad day, and we chat a lot when we work on the same projects. I care about them as they are good people and it’s probably vice versa.

However I think you have to trust your gut. If they’re always chatting and inseparable at work when there’s no reason to be, then they could be crossing over into emotional affair territory.

But that depends on his job.

I chatted to a male colleague for an hour this morning and was replying to emails and teams messages during the call.

I am busy, he is busy. But it’s stuff we can do while we chat.

I’ve chatted to a male colleague all afternoon on teams before - absolutely nothing going on was just bored.

He walked around the garden, chatting with her and laughing a lot.

I would consider that sort of comment highly unprofessional.

I have my suspicions, but it sounds like some think its all right, in which case I am glad to hear it! I would personally never speak to a male colleague this way.

The chatting for 30 mins is a different thing. It has always happened in offices. People were on a smoke break or next to the coffee machine instead.

What he is saying is closer to flirting that just colleagues been friendly and having a laugh.