To be annoyed by hearing my DH saycomplishment today is making you laugh - to his work colleague

[Yuai]

My DH has a female work colleague with whom he has become increasingly friendly. They often chat when he’s WFH. I overheard a few interesting comments from him to her over time, but today, I overheard him saying to her: “I achieved something today, and that’s “her name” to make you laugh and put a smile on your face”. WTAF. They are both in highly professional-level roles. I personally wouldn’t dare make these kinds of comments to my colleagues. I asked them about his comment, and he said she’s a very close and supportive colleague. Frankly, he’s been very moody before becoming friends with her, so in a way, having her makes his highly stressful job manageable and improves his mood. But is this too much? He said some other questionable things to her too..

In isolation, no, it's really nothing. It sounds like someone having a tough time and a colleague cheering them up.

But that's probably because I like my colleagues and have a laugh with them. Gender regardless.

Taken with other things you've said, perhaps there is concern...

No one is saying you can't be friends with anyone at work. What we're discussing is whether this particular friendship might be of concern. So, rather than sneer at people offering their views on that, why not put us straight? Because I'm sure you wouldn't deny that sometimes these friendships do turn into affairs (it's reasonably well known that they sometimes do) so, how do we tell when that's going to happen and when its going to remain just a friendship? If you could just tell the OP that, she'll know whether to worry or not.

I agree that he is in emotional affair territory.
It's interesting you say he was very moody before he became friends with her. So instead of turning to you to help with whatever was troubling him , whatever wasn't right in his life, he has turned to her. He is getting something from his relationship with her that you would expect in a marriage to be provided by you, his wife.

You really need to talk to him about boundaries.

If I were her, I'd roll my eyes. It sounds a bit pathetic to me. Are you sure his comments are welcomed by her?

A man wouldn't say that to another man

Could be something, could be nothing. I'm chummy with work friends (male and female) and can imagine saying something like that.
However, maybe it's flirtatious. Hard to tell.

Yes it's so unhelpful when the sweeping generalisations and cool wives chime in like this.
So. Unhelpful.

Not a straight one anyway!

Well it's all about context. I wouldn't think twice about joking 'well at least I put a smile on your face today, if I achieved nothing else' or similar to a colleague, male or female, if I'd made them laugh.

Only you know if there's more to it than just friendly chat OP. The comment itself is nothing.

Definitely sounds like emotional affair to me. Sorry @Yuai

I might say this, most probably to a man since 90% of my colleagues in my career have been men. I wouldn’t say it to my boss as too high risk of sounding sucky up, I wouldn’t say it flirtily as I’m careful about that, just as a friendly colleague. But I’m sure it could be said in a very different tone from how I would and the op can tell if that’s what’s going on.

I wouldn’t say this though. That’s not colleague level.

After your last updates OP I would be concerned yes. Having friends of the opposite sex is fine. Having one special friend of the opposite sex that you treat differently to everyone in your life, who you act like is the only person that can possibly make you happy, and who you say cheesy things to that you wouldn't even say to your spouse, is not so fine.

🚩

It's the sort of thing my DH says to me because he cares very much about making me smile and would see it as an achievement. He wouldn't say this to mates and colleagues because while he enjoys getting a laugh at his jokes, he isn't putting effort into it. I'd see it for what it was - a work relationship that morphed into deeper feelings and care. DH and I have boundaries to avoid ever falling into a situation where someone else raises the same feelings we do in each other.

You don't like it and that's all that matters. You know him better than anyone here so trust your gut. It's your life too and you call your boundaries - I would be honest with him about your feelings. If he loves and values your marriage, he'll back off her, if he's defensive he feels caught out or worse lacking in empathy.

Thank goodness you’re not like other girls! Those stupid hysterical silly women on mumsnet, I don’t know how you put up with us.

OP the comment itself seems innocuous but I’m not sure why he’s grumpy at home but cheers up talking to this woman.

Ignore the naive gaslighting dicks on this thread op…Walking round the garden chatting away, smiling and laughing with a bewitched look in his face…’you made me day…’ - would he do this with big Colin from the warehouse? Or Ryan the 18 year old apprentice? Nah. Emotional affair taking place. I think you need to lay down some serious divorce level boundaries and call his bluff.

I work in a very inclusive environment.
Today I said to two of my team on individual calls, that I just wanted to check they ok. One male and one female. I said to both that they seemed more positive: they'd been struggling. So I had an honest recorded conversation.

This is so obviously flirting. Sorry. Coupled with the 30 minutes chat that he doesn't have with any other work colleagues, change in his demeanour and several other comments OP says he's made it's so fucking blatant

A normal thing to say would be something like "at least we've had a laugh today". "I've put a smile on your face" is exclusively said by flirty men

OP, he absolutely fancies her.
He is sniffing around her.
Don't doubt yourself.
Whether he would make a move on her I'm not sure, but he's definitely got a work crush, emotional affair going on.
The all happy speaking to her and morose with you?
Total give away.
Decide how you want to play it but don't be gaslit nor allow him to bullshit you that its nothing but just work colleagues.
He's flirting and sussing her out.

Being happy is not a crime.

??? I don’t say shit like that to my friends. I’d be very weirded out.

I don’t think the comment in your OP is inappropriate in isolation unless he did something dodgy to make her laugh. Saying that you “I am proud I made you laugh” could mean that the other person is usually stoic/doesn’t join in with banter/has been sad recently or it could be your H taking the piss out of himself after making a mistake etc. Friends could say that to each other without emotional affairs going on.

I think the other comment in your recent post is a tiny bit more concerning though.

Oh get real! He’s only ‘happy’ when he’s in conference with this other woman? Red flag.

Ok, so what's the OP doing to make him happy? Suspecting him of having an affair over a fairly innocuous comment isn't exactly going to help!