DH said my job isnt a real job

[Mrsisolated]

I work in HR so my days are spent mopping up other people’s problems and dealing with very difficult situations.

I earn a decent salary which I feel is about right as the emotional weight I carry is exhausting day in day out. It caused me terrible anxiety for many years but managed to come out the other side. However I have seen many HR professionals leave because it can be exhausting.

DH says all I do is sit at home all day and send emails. I’m absolutely fuming in side.

Get legal advice quietly before you ask him to go.

@FitAt50 because there is no point having counselling with someone that has no respect for you.

This!

I keep hearing about these jobs but can never find one! In the meantime I'll just have to keep plugging away at my job spending hours preparing complex financial reports, researching and giving guidance on financial issues to other staff and answering constant queries. Though to be fair I do attach the reports to emails to send them out!

Exactly!

I've been on a Teams meeting all morning presenting highly complex information to an international audience.
My emails have been responding to student queries about university applications, visas etc.

But yeah just emails and teams meetings 🙄

The marriage is done i just don’t know what steps to take. He has convinced me that I am a bad mum. I’m probably not as close to my kids anymore as compared to when I wasn’t working in HR it has definitely taken a toll on my life.

I pretty much work cook and clean! Kids see him as the fun parent.

He also has no where to go so how on earth do I kick him out?

My partner says I talk to people all day. He's correct, I am a community manager. He says it in awe though, because as an autistic person he could never do that. Find someone who builds you up.

Perhaps he should have thought of that before behaving like a cunt too you?

First off do research and get a good recommendation of good legal advice.
Tell him he needs to get back to work full-time.
Stop paying for ANYTHING that benefits him solely.
His housing issues are not your problem.
Let him get a roomtin a house share.
Do you share a bedroom?
Put the children in together if necessary, move bedrooms about, but do not share a room with him.
He's fun dad because he works little and pays less.
Screw that.
You need to play hard ball.

Make a flexi working request, & go part time too. Tell him you're burnt out, & missing too much with the kids. He needs to pick up the slack by going FT in his big important job, haha.

That way you're equalising your incomes a bit, and he can't claim he's resident parent. He'll get 50/50 at best, and if he's lazy he probably won't want that as it's the hardest most expensive option for him. Once the divorce and finances are settled you can switch back to FT. Sounds like you'll need the pt hours to get yourself through this anyway.

The sooner you do it the better, for the kids, for you, and for your future finances.

Hes insecure you are in a higher paid job, with more responsibilities.

Excellent idea.

you need competent legal advice to ensure that you don't lose more than 50% in the divorce and end up paying him child maintenance.

I write books. My XH described it as my 'little hobby'. I divorced him, won a shedload of awards and smile every time I get my royalty payments.

@Vroomfondleswaistcoat I desperately want to know who you are ... ! DESPERATELY. 🤣

That ain't yor problem. Im
Sure as an important tesco supervisor he will be able to work out where to live.

Interested to know what "Mr superiority complex" does for a living.......

I get it’s exhausting listening to people’s problems and coming up with solutions to help.
what kind of job does your husband do?
you need to offload at the end of the day, your husband needs to recognise and support you.
❤️

OP I had that for years from exDH. He would say his was the only real job.
I think some people just need to be a spiteful top dog. Whether you stay with him if he keeps on, is your choice of course.

Sorry just realised you had posted his job.
dump him you can do better

Do you own or rent?

Who is on the deeds/tenancy?

That will have a bearing on whether you can 'kick him out'.

Get the best legal advice you can find.

He can claim he's doing most of the parenting as things stand. It doesn't matter how crappy his 'parenting' is, and it doesn't matter that the vital elements of parenting like cooking and cleaning fall to you, sadly, in the eyes of family courts. They look at hours.

I wouldn't put it past this man to apply for more than 50/50 parenting and to live in the family home just to spite you and sponge off you.

The advice to try to get flexi working to give you more time with the children is solid. Once you're established with more hands on parenting you can approach divorce with more confidence.

Money spent on a really good divorce solicitor is money well spent.

You'd be surprised how they suddenly become more competent when there's no one else to do their shit. If you kick him out he'll have to increase his hours/get a better paying job. @mathanxiety advice sounds sensible.

His living situation is not your problem.

But do divorce him before your pension gets any bigger.

Go down CAB, get a plan together, execute.

@LovingCritic I've seen your posts on a few threads and you've mentioned being a teacher at a private school, an electrician, a landlord, and previously an engineer in a nuclear plant - genuinely interested as to how you ended up in such varied roles over the course of your career?

Like!