DH said my job isnt a real job

[Mrsisolated]

I work in HR so my days are spent mopping up other people’s problems and dealing with very difficult situations.

I earn a decent salary which I feel is about right as the emotional weight I carry is exhausting day in day out. It caused me terrible anxiety for many years but managed to come out the other side. However I have seen many HR professionals leave because it can be exhausting.

DH says all I do is sit at home all day and send emails. I’m absolutely fuming in side.

You need to be smart and get competent legal advice.

He is working part-time and could spin a tale of being an almost SAHD - and get custody of your child.

I'd speak to a solicitor, one that follows a non confrontational approach. Get some financial guidance to see how you could financially separate. That's far trickier than the divorce, which can be added at the end. Look at Wikivorce too.

Male inadequacy. What a pathetic tool
I'm dump his disrespectful arse so fast he wouldn't know what had hit him

Exactly. If you really were paid good money to just send emails, then wouldn't you be the smart one!

I'd be saying 'ah that must be why they pay me in chocolate buttons then. Oh wait!'

Yeah. Retail workers can really put a shift in. I’ve had a “sending emails all day” career role, and I’ve had a low paid retail supervisor job when circumstances dictated. I’ve never felt more mentally and physically drained than in retail, it was bloody awful.

But anyway, I can’t imagine belittling a partner’s (or anyone’s, actually) work the way OPs husband did, unless it was some kind of shared joke.

So he is being sneery about the exact thing that funds him working part time?
Not super bright is he.

@Mrsisolated get to a solicitor for advice. You don't have to act on it. Just have the facts.
I would get an appointment sooner rather than later as divorce initiations peak after xmas and in the new year. People hang on 'to not ruin xmas for the kids' or realise they cannot face any more years of being responsible for juggling it all and not being appreciated.
Tell him firmly, clearly and often, he has to get a full time job to support himself as you are not carrying him anymore.

This. You obviously earn monopoly money that isnt legal tender.

But a long and serious chat is needed, centering on his problem.

You don't have to justify your feelings based on how difficult your job is. Your job is real regardless of how easy or difficult it is. Your income is real, and he's a pillock.

You've got a man who accuses you of his own failings.

It's a narcissistic trait.

Be careful. The more contempt he feels for himself, the more he's going to turn it on you.

Honestly, I don't know what's wrong with (so many) men.
Why do they not understand that life is so much better when youre on the same team as your partner.
You build your lives together, supporting each other and doing your part.
Honestly, you'd think people chose to marry their enemy sometimes.

He might claim he's a sahp and end up with the house and the children, with the OP paying child support. Just because he's a lazy sponger doesn't mean he isn't cunning. The OP needs legal advice.

He's not right. Even in a production economy, there would be accountants, human resources specialists, secretaries, receptionists, lawyers, paralegals, finance professionals, analysts, marketers, etc.

😂

I hear you! Not about DH though. But I've been in HR for many many years and I get slammed from the minute I walk in, until I leave for the day. And all I get from people at work, (not HR), is question's about what do exactly do I do all day? It's fucking annoying. I've branched into a specialist role now and I'll never go back for that very reason.

Well it's obviously not as draining as being a scaffolder that also pays more or he'd go back to doing that

He sounds like a disrespectful idiot who needs to get a full time job

As someone who also works in HR, I knew it would be this before opening the thread! So used to this attitude at work from colleagues, it would be disappointing to also have it at home. He hasn't a clue!

I don't understand the significance of "sit(ting) at home"; does he not understand the concept of remote work or does he feel that only physical labor qualifies as "work"? He seems a bit out of touch. And also tactless and rude (unless he thinks he's congratulating you on being smart enough to finagle a situation where you get paid for doing very little)? Anyway, I wouldn't waste time and energy fuming; just say the job's so far over his head that he can't afford the time it would take you to explain it to him.

He does understand but he knows he IS taking the piss at the moment letting you carry the financial and emotional burden while he dicks around. I think it’s time DD goes to nursery and you start establishing that you are also the main carer so you can bin this disrespectful bludger and find someone who values you.

Sounds like he has self-esteem issues, and is sabotaging what you do for a living to make himself look big and feel better.

When a partner is disparaging, dismissive and sneery about the efforts of their other half, either work or things they do at home, it's the beginning of the end of the relationship IMO.

It appears that Op is not happy in the relationship .
The remark about her job is probably just one example of the nasty things that her dickhead of a husband says

People actually end marriages over flippant comments that were probably said in jest? I tell my husband all the time how all he does is sits and chats all day (he's actually an engineer who is leading meetings on whatever it is they engineer)

inaccurate comparison.

The DHs disparaging comment is the sign of deeper malaise in the relationship. Totally different to your 'in joke" with your DH. This is someone whose fragile male ego is dented because a woman is effectively keeping him. But funnily enough it doesn't do anything to drive him towards getting a better earning job with more hours. He wants it both ways.

I worked in HR for years. You describe it perfectly. I got out of that crap and now work in learning. I did feel like a professional emailer at times but I think many jobs are like that and I wouldn't appreciate a comment like that from hubby.

What do you actually mean not producing?

I work for a company that’s classed ans part of the construction industry. The vast majority of the company are engineers. Who would have no work to do, if there were not office staff arranging their visits, sorting their hotels, the PPE, sorting to have issues on their van sorted, getting new business, ensuring invoices go out, administering HR, ordering parts to be sent to the engineers and so on.

we wouldn’t get paid if we didn’t have finance staff ensuring invoices are paid, financial and tax laws are followed, posting accounts, ensuring we pass audits and so on.

Even the receptionists, answering the phone to customers is required and if the engineers tried to do all this they would never be on site.

We wouldn’t have a company worth several hundreds of millions, that pays a shit ton in tax into the economy, that pays over 4000 thousand people every month, who all pay tax And everyone of those employees will require HR at some point.

So which office employees are not producing?

This is the reverse snobbery I spoke about earlier. Some people have the view that unless it’s manual work it’s not a proper job. And yet the people who do manual work will always rely on office staff to be able to do that work.

and I would bet my yearly wage that the husband here would run straight to HR if he felt he was being treated unfairly at work. But it’s not a proper job?

Maybe she used patronizing haughtiness as rhetorical device, in the specific situation.

Sounds like your DH has little respect for you, your (very draining and vital) profession or your earnings, which he presumably partly lives off. Have you asked him why he has so little respect for you? Could it be he has some self-loathing/feels unfulfilled, perhaps related to his change in profession (?), that he’s transferring onto you?

I suggest you carve out time away from the kids to have a good chat. Sounds like you’re quite unhappy with him in general. Is he lazy or could he be depressed? Whatever the reason he shouldn’t be disrespectful to you.

This was my ex.

We could have had a great life together, but instead he was always too busy trying to belittle me about my exec job, rather than building and celebrating the partnership.

In the end he was more of a drain on my life than a positive contributor, so I left.