Child with peanut allergy and MIL

[Freshflower]

So my child has a nut allergy and is prescribed with an epipen. Dc had a serious reaction as a small baby and since then nothing. Obviously I avoid anything containing nuts and do not go anywhere near 'not suitable for nut allergy sufferers ', etc on food packaging. I believe this ensures full safety and I bring up my child with this view too. Im very meticulous when it comes to this.I understand that people do consume ' may contain ' , with no issues . My MIL will not listen to this and continually gives dc foods with these labels , saying its fine or she said "if there is a trace of anything it won't cause any serious reaction because its only a trace'. I repeat and constantly tell her to stop but she carries on and will send dc back home with these foods. Shes done it recently and then messaged if child enjoyed the chocolate , like she knows and taking the mickey ,she is controlling in other ways too and I feel she just doesn't like being told. I trust that she would not give anything with actual nuts but her not listening to my simple request to avoid these food labels of may contain, I find could potentially be dangerous and down right disrespectful. Do you think what she's doing is OK? Maybe I'm going OTT? Thanks

She wouldn't be allowed feed my child if that was the case, and if I couldn't trust her she wouldn't be unsupervised around my child.

I assume this is after your child has been with her without you/your husband there? For me it would be a case of she’s no longer allowed to be with your child without you or your child’s dad around because you can no longer trust her as she has continually proves that she’s not taking a life-threatening allergy seriously.

That's awful of your MIL. My MIL is very casual with things like allergies, medication etc but I am the opposite and take it all extremely seriously.

She would absolutely not be trusted any longer. If she sent me a text like that my response would have been to say it had gone in the bin and if she pulls that shit again then she’ll never get another chance. Tell her straight.

or she said "if there is a trace of anything it won't cause any serious reaction because its only a trace'

Oh she's a dr is she? Stupid woman.

This is someone who is deliberately and repeatedly putting your child in danger. If it were me, she wouldn't be seeing her at all, supervised or not.

My MIL will not listen to this and continually gives dc foods with these labels , saying its fine or she said "if there is a trace of anything it won't cause any serious reaction because its only a trace'. I repeat and constantly tell her to stop

She has given your child these foods? How did the child react?

If she is giving you foods to take home then don't take them, just leave them on her table. You don't need to take anything from her house. If she brings things to your house just put them straight in the bin in front of her.

My child has a peanut allergy and we strictly avoid all may contains on medical advice. You should not leave your child in the care of your MIL unless you have absolutely no choice.

I'm not sure if you need to be more careful due to the anaphylaxis but my son has a milk allergy and we were told may contain is ok since it's not a legal requirement to include. Even if it doesn't say it still 'may contain'.

We were told the only way we could ensure would be to get food from official free from ranges.

But your MIL is being very unreasonable. I would not trust her with my child. She seems like she could give him something with a small amount just to see.

As the parent of a kid with multiple food allergies, you are 100% not being unreasonable. She needs to follow your rules if she wants to look after your child, no exceptions.

However, in the UK companies aren't obliged to put May Contains labels on. This means many foods she's eating are possible already May Contains, buy you don't realise. The only way to know for sure is to contact the company directly and ask (but be aware, they can change their processes at any time).

Some people with nut allergies choose to stay away from choc/granola/cereal bars and other high risk foods. We don't but it's a personal choice.

You are not over reacting and MIL must not be with your child unless there is another adult present.

What does your husband/partner do when you mention it?

Do you need to leave them alone with her? I wouldn’t.
My MIL was also obsessed with feeding DD gluten, which makes her extremely unwell. But it’s ‘only once’. It was usually things where there was an easy alternative.
Im sure it was just to prove me wrong.

Yes and then completely panic and not administer the epi pen properly. OP I'd not let her anywhere near my little one alone. She's risking your child's life so bollocks to her

Completely bang out of order

This is a serious issue and she needs to absolutely respect your wishes on this potentially life and death issue

No more being nice - get your other half to drum it into her but if that fails it needs to come from you. You will not allow the child into her care unless she respects what youre asking 100%

Put your foot down

So you tell her that she will be longer be looking after your child unless you or your partner are there.

I have a nut allergy and it has almost killed me twice.

Please don't allow this woman access to your child. She is gambling with their life and sounds like she is goading you about it. There is a real chance that she will kill him/her. It only needs to happen once.

So you're risking your child's life by letting her watch them?

Would you let your child spend time with an arsonist (I'm only lighting a match, not dangerous'), or a paedophile (it's only a polaroid'), who minimise danger? Unlikely, so why would you let someone who exposes them to an allergen look after them?

I can't find a working link but there's an infamous reddit story where a grandmother who "didn't believe in allergies" killed her granddaughter by putting coconut oil in her hair, and then doing nothing about the resulting anaphylaxis.

Is there any reason why your MIL requires unsupervised access?

Erm, she could kill your child. Why are you letting MIL having unsupervised access? It would be a hard, hard, HARD no from me. You’re being negligent leaving your child with her when you know she does this.
What has your husband done to prevent his mother from doing this? It will help you to tell her that she’s no longer having unsupervised access if your husband reinforces this.

A young lad was given gravy on the Christmas dinner which was described as 'may contain nuts' by his grandfather who said he forgot he was allergic.
The lad died 2 hours later.

Don't let your mil look after your child anymore.

Why are you allowing her to be alone with your child when you feel she’s putting her at risk?