Child with peanut allergy and MIL

[Freshflower]

So my child has a nut allergy and is prescribed with an epipen. Dc had a serious reaction as a small baby and since then nothing. Obviously I avoid anything containing nuts and do not go anywhere near 'not suitable for nut allergy sufferers ', etc on food packaging. I believe this ensures full safety and I bring up my child with this view too. Im very meticulous when it comes to this.I understand that people do consume ' may contain ' , with no issues . My MIL will not listen to this and continually gives dc foods with these labels , saying its fine or she said "if there is a trace of anything it won't cause any serious reaction because its only a trace'. I repeat and constantly tell her to stop but she carries on and will send dc back home with these foods. Shes done it recently and then messaged if child enjoyed the chocolate , like she knows and taking the mickey ,she is controlling in other ways too and I feel she just doesn't like being told. I trust that she would not give anything with actual nuts but her not listening to my simple request to avoid these food labels of may contain, I find could potentially be dangerous and down right disrespectful. Do you think what she's doing is OK? Maybe I'm going OTT? Thanks

The message needs to go through, and you need to be as vicious as is necessary to make sure it does.

Child would never be in MILs care. Case closed.

I have a serious nut allergy. I eat everything that says "may contain". They literally just write it to cover themselves. There's no nuts in it. Every restaurant says "there's traces as it's not a nut free kitchen" I still eat the food. If there's no nuts in the ingredients then it's fine. I have never had an allergic reaction to this. I appreciate you're being careful but you also don't want to make food into such a big deal and limit what they can eat when it's more than likely going to be fine. Just another opinion from a nut allergy sufferer 😊

He should have been referred to a consultant. My dc has been under consultant care with annual appointments to retest since the very first reaction!

What’s wrong with these crazy MIL’s?! No way would my child go there. Why risk it? She’s clearly irresponsible!!

What occurred to me is would she ring 999 and admit she had fucked up or stand dithering about what she had done while your dc died in front of her......

Have they also been tested for tree nut allergy. Peanuts aren't actually nuts, they're a legume like peas and beans. Traces of nuts usually refers to tree nuts rather than peanut so your child may not have a problem with them.

I understand that you want to keep your child from harm but you may be being overcautious. Get them tested for tree nut allergy.

My DS has a severe peanut allergy. I would forgive an accidental exposure to ‘May contains peanuts’ but not a repeated one after you’ve explained the situation fully. People have had serious reactions from ‘May contains’ items.

Ask her if she eat food that was labelled ‘May contains rat poison’??? Because that is what the risk is like to a peanut allergy sufferer. Particularly a child who cannot advocate for themself!

I would not be allowing her to take care of my child whilst she continues to do this.

We were also given that advice initially, but dc was reacting to things once or twice a year so it didn't seem worth it. Since we stopped the "may contain" stuff they haven't had any more reactions. The allergies are still there though (shown by testing).

Are you following the advice from the allergy consultant? My dd has a peanut allergy, and they were really keen to stress that she should eat all the nuts she’s not allergic to, regularly, to prevent her becoming sensitive to them. The advice does change a lot (which is not reassuring!) so might be worth double checking that they want you to avoid everything. You may be cutting out some nuts unnecessarily and it might not be ideal in the long run.

I know someone who sadly died from nut allergy. Do not give her unsupervised access to your child. She may as well be playing Russian roulette with him or her

I know of a man who was hospitalised due to a reaction to diary after eating a pre-made sandwich that had been made on the same prodiction line as a cheese sandwich and cleaned inbetween. THAT's why may contian warnings exist.
DH is coeliac so doesn't eat anything which is may contain because why take the risk

Hmm... if that's the way you do it and she's not respecting your wishes then yeah she is BU.

Having said that, I also have a peanut allergy and it would make life really hard to avoid may contain labels. I do avoid not suitable for peanut allergy sufferers. As allergies go I find its not that hard to avoid and doesn't affect my life that much this way.

OP, my MIL (who in every other way is a wonderful human being) really didn't get it either. We didn't make an announcement that we wouldn't leave dc with her but quietly that's what happened. We had to check everything she gave dc. Now we've done that for years and she's understood what we filter out, she is much more careful.

I always think it is useful to think in terms of "may contain dog poo" you wouldn't eat that would you? So then why eat something that may contain something that could kill you?

One of my dc's most frightening reactions was to a "may contain" Cadbury's chocolate Santa from MIL.

I now know that Cadbury's and Kinder are both very good with their labels. If they say "may contain" they really might. If they don't then they are safe.

My child has peanut allergy. No reaction for 4 years we were hopeful he had outgrown it but he hasn't we have just managed to avoid any accidents. I would not allow mil to see child unsupervised if she is so deliberately careless.

Also leads child to think he doesnt need to be careful as gran says it is fine.

I think it's your call as a parent whether he eats 'may contain' products, but equally I know many allergy sufferers who do eat them because otherwise it's often impractical not to. The absence of that label does not guarantee nut free, and the presence of it doesn't necessarily indicate that they even have nuts in the factory, but the they want to legally cover their own backsides. There's a middle ground - ie chocolate is higher risk with 'may contains ' because some chocolate bars contain nuts so may be in the same factory. If its frozen peas, then it's probably just butt covering. Even if a restaurant doesn't serve any nuts there's no guarantees that the staff won't have some for lunch, or have come in after eating a peanut butter sandwich. But it's your decision ultimately, until it becomes your sons It must be an absolute nightmare for you and MIL needs to redirect where you've decided the boundary lies, and even though the risk of contamination is probably actually tiny, you won't be able to relax knowing she's taking risks that you deem too high.

I'm a paediatric nurse with lots of experience in allergy. I would not be leaving my child with your MIL. She is hugely irresponsible. I am extremely angry on you and your child's behalf. Her actions could kill.

Just goes to show even a trace can be dangerous. I did think MIL saying about only a trace was extremely stupid. Glad your cousins daughter is OK now

Thank you for this

I would print off new stories of allergy deaths and give them to DH and MIL. Say this is what you’re risking every time you other you’ve just got lucky so far.

It's always a worry isn't it and that's great your child has had no reaction for 4 years . That was my thoughts too , I'm trying to teach my child to be safe , and there grandma is not taking it seriously. They might grow up to not be careful either because she thinks it's OK.

I think I'm so careful as he is seriously allergic to all nuts. I have peanuts in the title but I meant peanuts/other nuts , so I'm very wary of may contain. I have been told to keep away from may contain, but I know some people do with no reaction

Dc child did have tests and the numbers from all nuts were very high and given the first reaction we were prescribed epipens by the allergy nurse

Ds's mate has a peanut allergy. The poor lad's df died from an apparently nut free take away... Iove that lad but bloody hate him coming here!!

Don't let her be around your child unsupervised, and establish a hard rule that your child doesn't accept food from her under any circumstances. If she complains, just give the same calm, basic explanation every time - that it's because she hasn't been able to understand the severity of the allergy, and you won't take risks with your child's safety. She can either shape up or fucking lump it!