Child with peanut allergy and MIL

[Freshflower]

So my child has a nut allergy and is prescribed with an epipen. Dc had a serious reaction as a small baby and since then nothing. Obviously I avoid anything containing nuts and do not go anywhere near 'not suitable for nut allergy sufferers ', etc on food packaging. I believe this ensures full safety and I bring up my child with this view too. Im very meticulous when it comes to this.I understand that people do consume ' may contain ' , with no issues . My MIL will not listen to this and continually gives dc foods with these labels , saying its fine or she said "if there is a trace of anything it won't cause any serious reaction because its only a trace'. I repeat and constantly tell her to stop but she carries on and will send dc back home with these foods. Shes done it recently and then messaged if child enjoyed the chocolate , like she knows and taking the mickey ,she is controlling in other ways too and I feel she just doesn't like being told. I trust that she would not give anything with actual nuts but her not listening to my simple request to avoid these food labels of may contain, I find could potentially be dangerous and down right disrespectful. Do you think what she's doing is OK? Maybe I'm going OTT? Thanks

You need to go batshit and tell her that if she kills your child because of her wilful, arrogant insistence that she knows best, you will never ever let her forget it.

We didnt avoid may contain peanuts on medicial advise, but after years with no issues had an anaphylactic reaction. There is a real and possible risk and treatment is brutal, the screams from the epipen stay with me. Your MIL is a dick.

BTW are you aware of the current peanut contamination of Mustard? I know not everyone hears these things, the FSA has updates on it

YANBU. I have an allergy to peanuts, your MIL is being very unreasonable and dangerous. Yeah, l have had no reaction for over a decade but that’s because lm careful

Thank you for this , she has given dc lots of may contain by Cadbury and I'm sure Santa chocolate too. I now know I am most definitely not over reacting

I didn't know this , thank you for making me aware . Take care

I feel its just better to be fully safe , dc is very good with checking and seems to enjoy it at the shops and knows if there's something that can't be eaten , we can find something just as delicious . I do know people eat may contain and do not have reactions. Some posters on here have said they've eaten may contain with bad reactions. I hope you continue to be safe x

A friend who was divorced and whose ex was a drip was terrified about her Mil attitude. She sent a recorded delivery letter to MIL formally notifying her about the allergy and copying doctor’s letter and anaphylaxis info. Then when MIL rang confused, she said it’s so that I can sue you and involve police if you make my child ill or kill her through your stupidity.

Seemed to work!

Check with your allergy clinic at your next appointment what they recommend. It's so much easier to be able to have may contains if applicable.

Obviously not MIL's call to make though.

She would not have my child alone or be in any way involved in preparing the food for my child until she’d understood. I wouldn’t let my dc when young stay alone with a grandparent if they hadn’t had training in administering an epipen either if they had serious allergies and I’d tell my dh if our child had a reaction because he left them with his mother he’d be lucky if I only divorced him, and ask him to stop seriously for 5 minutes and think about his child being dead, at his mums hand, and why he’s willing to risk that.
id also see a specialist and follow up on continued testing, and my dh would have to come to every appt with me from now on as clearly he’s been paying zero fucking attention to what can kill his child.

I have tried to drum it into her many times before , even the allergy nurse said you need to tell her to stop , I talked her through exactly what was said at my appointment and the potential risks, she seemed to agree, probablyjust to shut me up. Then started sending dc home again with these products , almost doing it in a way like I will not listen to you. She refuses point blank to listen and dc comes home saying they had things with may contain nuts but granny said its OK. It infuriates me.

Just want to say - some people are just awful.

DC has metabolic disorder, and related weight issues. Invited SIL to house for Easter . Every year very clear - No Chocolates. We have plenty already. We don’t want a chocolate orgy.
She brings loads and loads some she already opened on the drive.

Like she doesn’t think his health is as important as her “house gift”. She could always bring a game, toy … grrr. Always asking DP - what’s wrong with her??

Why does DD keep going there alone?

That's awful. After these responses I'm understanding I'm not being unreasonable . What is wrong with people and why don't they respect boundaries and health. I wouldn't dare or even think about doing that to a family member

My title should have been peanuts/ all nuts and unfortunately after testing, most of the other tree nuts numbers were very high , so I'm very cautious. As child has had no reaction to the 'may contain' so far and shes adamant its ok, I thought I was over reacting possibly, but now know I'm right to be as safe as I have been , others have not been so lucky

She’s in the “this didn’t happen in my day” mindset, so she’s “proving it” by giving your child things containing nuts/in a factory with nuts etc. Thing is majority of the time, the food is probably nut free- but you never know, (I don’t know) but guessing staff could move stations, carry an allergen with them 🤷🏼‍♀️.

I’d feel the same way as you, it’s not worth the risk. One day, there could be enough allergen to trigger a reaction.

Sorry edited to correct some spelling errors.

My conclusion is that people don’t care about boundaries and “inconveniences” like allergies and health issues because they’re not thinking about the child as much as they’re thinking about how that child makes them feel: a doting grandmother who is reliving the best years of her own life, a doting grandmother who wants her grandchildren to bestow “I love you grandma, this is the best day ever!” comments on her, the bountiful aunt about whom people say “she never forgets an occasion, she’s so generous” etc. They don’t want the work element of the child in question, just the best bits.

Omg. What did your Mum say after your DD was taken to hospital? Did she still^^ believe she was right?

There needs to be some kind of national advertising campaign to educate the older generation that YES they DID have "all these allergies" in "their day". They just didn't know what it was that was killing all those poor children. Deaths of kids were labelled as 'TB' or 'Failure to Thrive' when it was really nut allergies and children with ARFID (phobia of eating/restricted eating).

"May contain nuts" or "recipe is nut free but made in a factory that contains nuts" are to cover the manufacturer, it's because the line may have made a product containing nuts before they made the product. Mostly these products will not cause any allergies because they don't contain nuts however there is a small possibility of cross contamination. Whether you can take a risk on said products will depend on the level of reaction and your personal attitude to said risk - once older therefore larger some people can tolerate the minute traces better than as a small child too.

The jury is still out as to why more people have allergies and the U.K. is particularly bad internationally.

I wouldn't leave my child with a caregiver who doubts doctors advice

@Onestepfromendingitall

I disagree a bit, there was less allergies even 30 years ago and AFRID is a fairly new issue, friends who are nhs gp's, and one a paediatric consultant, all in their 50's and early 60's have expressed their concern that more and more children are presenting with very restricted eating and they don't know what the cause is except it's hard to reverse once established

The UKs guidance on holding off weaning until 6m, rather than the 4-6m that many countries use, may be a factor. Early (before 6m) exposure to allergens can be helpful in reducing the allergy rate.

I agree with this. She's one of these competitive , jealous grandma's who likes to control. Craves admiration and loves to be the best yet family members on her side can't see it because she 'does everything ' for everyone and spoils grandchildren but excessively. Think this is one of her reasons to not listen as she knows best

Yeah she was fine thanks, put on an IV drip. Her throat practically closed over. Mother acted sheepish and tried to play it down.

Just because something is a fairly newly recognised condition does NOT mean that it did not exist in the past! My nephew was diagnosed with ARFID in 2000. We tried absolutely everything to get him to eat. Everything. It took until he was 16 for his phobia of food to give way.

My DD has Autism and has an extremely restricted diet. I can tell from your comment that your narrow minded friends believe it's "the parents' fault" 🙄🤦🏻‍♀️ But I can assure you, it is not. Restricted eating is incredibly common with children with special needs. My DD has had an NHS dietician working with us since she was 8 months old. Even they cannot get her to increase the range of foods.

I'm glad your 'friends' aren't my or my DD's doctors that's for damn sure

Also @mitogoshigg How exactly do you and your 'friends' explain how ARFID can affect one child but neither of their siblings? When all share the same parents and therefore the same parenting?