Child with peanut allergy and MIL

[Freshflower]

So my child has a nut allergy and is prescribed with an epipen. Dc had a serious reaction as a small baby and since then nothing. Obviously I avoid anything containing nuts and do not go anywhere near 'not suitable for nut allergy sufferers ', etc on food packaging. I believe this ensures full safety and I bring up my child with this view too. Im very meticulous when it comes to this.I understand that people do consume ' may contain ' , with no issues . My MIL will not listen to this and continually gives dc foods with these labels , saying its fine or she said "if there is a trace of anything it won't cause any serious reaction because its only a trace'. I repeat and constantly tell her to stop but she carries on and will send dc back home with these foods. Shes done it recently and then messaged if child enjoyed the chocolate , like she knows and taking the mickey ,she is controlling in other ways too and I feel she just doesn't like being told. I trust that she would not give anything with actual nuts but her not listening to my simple request to avoid these food labels of may contain, I find could potentially be dangerous and down right disrespectful. Do you think what she's doing is OK? Maybe I'm going OTT? Thanks

My daughter is 8. She is under the allergy clinic and has epi pens. She was allergic to sesame, all nuts, egg and tomato. Her reaction was anaphylaxis to all. She has outgrown all allergies apart from Cashew and Pistachio. The allergy clinic advise us to give her the nuts she has grown out of on a regular basis but she MUST NOT eat May Contain Nuts - unless specific nuts are listed. If she accidently consumes Cashew or Pistachio and has a reaction she may revert to being anaphylaxis to all nuts.
When consuming other nut products I have to often contain manufacturers to ensure it is safe, if they say May contain other nuts for example Alpro Almond Milk - which she can have, of course this can change and I would recommend any other allergy parent does their own research - even on Alpro Almind Milk.

Since being diagnosed my daughter has never had an anaphylaxis reaction - she has had lower level reactions. However, thus is still a life treating at worse and life altering at best allergy and anyone who risked her safety would not be able to care for her again! At 8 my daughter will ask to check packets at a friend's house and can advocate for herself.

I recommend following the Natasha Allergy Foundation for good evidence based advice, theur facebook posts could help educate Mother in Law.

I think dairy intolerant I would be ok with a Mil not following rules, but nut allergy is a whole different spectrum and totally not to be messed with.

Can you show her the episode of Big Bang where Howie explodes?

This, so much this. My mother raised two morbidly obese kids (me and my brother) and we both have lifelong issues with maintaining a healthy weight.

My DD struggles with a real addiction to sweet treats, so is now limited to one little treat a day such as a square of chocolate.

DM had her for 24 hours the other day. In that time, she fed DD:

• Chocolate pastries
• Two large bowls of ben and jerry's chocolate brownie ice-cream
• Two full-sized Kit-Kats
• Lucozade
• Pizza and chips

They also made a tray of chocolate cupcakes for DD to bring home. This is after I've asked DM at least 10 times to stop feeding DD junk.

DM won't be caring for DD again.

@OhMyGodAChicken wow that's absolutely appalling. Sorry you've had to deal with this.

Freshflower · 12/10/2024 13:31

I have tried to drum it into her many times before , even the allergy nurse said you need to tell her to stop , I talked her through exactly what was said at my appointment and the potential risks, she seemed to agree, probablyjust to shut me up. Then started sending dc home again with these products , almost doing it in a way like I will not listen to you. She refuses point blank to listen and dc comes home saying they had things with may contain nuts but granny said its OK. It infuriates me.

Blimey, she's not being unreasonable, or negligent, she's being reckless, murderous, even. She's deliberately ignoring what a professional has explained to her, she has no excuse whatsoever.

If you have little choice but to rely on her for child care, document every instance, take photos of whatever she gives them.

And your husband is a pathetic, cowardly drip for not standing up to his mother. He's rather keep his relationship with her alive than he would his own child, it would seem.

May contains are not compulsory statements for manufacturers to put on their packaging, as it’s not a legal requirement to highlight chance of cross contamination in the U.K., so some will do it, some choose to leave it out. Therefore avoiding all ‘may contains’ is more of a mental security blanket for us as customers.

however, saying that, I have an anaphylactic child and we only consume products with ‘may contain’ at home, even knowing the above is true, so I would never risk anyone else offering my child unknown foods/ brands which they haven’t eaten before without me, so I do feel your MIL is out of order and she should follow your rules when it comes to feeding/ offering food to your allergic child.

Totally understand your anxiety as a fellow allergy parent , big hugs 🤗

To clarify: does your DH not agree that your DC has an allergy? Does he not understand that repeated exposure to the allergens (that’s not part of a medically supervised desensitization regime) can exacerbate a mild allergy and turn it into a full blown one? Have you taken your DC to an allergy specialist to see if their allergy is still present? Sorry for so many questions, but your DC’s allergy doesn’t seem to be taken as serious by the rest of your family, so I’m wondering if you need to make sure that they are fully aware. For that you need to monitor their situation medically on a regular basis, and educate both of them (DH and MIL). Sadly, in the past few decades too many people with some intolerances (but not allergies) have declared themselves allergic, so the population at large no longer takes true allergies seriously enough.

This is horrendous. She's playing russian roulette with your childs life. Your husband needs to step up to the plate and lay down the law .
Get her some literature to read.. or if she is online send her links to anaphylaxis UK.

No you are not unreasonable
Your MIL is endangering your child .
Ask your health visitor or GP for back up.
She's ridiculous.
I would stop leaving my child with her. End of. Your her mother. People follow your rules simple as that!!!.
Ridiculous. She should know better.

I really want to understand because I think I am missing something.
Obviously if you feel your child is unsafe with her due to her attitude being too relaxed then definitely take it very seriously with a stern talking to (from your DP too it's his mother and son!)
But it sounded like she had given your child some "may contain trace" foods and they haven't had a reaction since the very first one when they were prescribed the epipen.
If she's sending these food home with them, can we not assume they've probably already had some in her care?
Is this something that kids can grow out of? I'm very definitely ignorate in this area, is it worth getting them re-tested? Maybe it IS fine.
Please be kind, just trying to grasp the situtation.

I haven’t read every message but I would not let the child be alone with MIL even if I was in the same house. If you do continue to see her, does she know how to use EpiPen?

Where is your husband in all of this? Advocating for his child? And supporting his wife?
Or is he still terrified of mummy/convinced she’s always right?
sound like he NEEDS some nuts…

From what I understand, allergies can change with time but varies with each person, their age,etc so many children seem to be more likely to outgrow allergies spontaneously before the age of 5 , however there are children who outgrow later , but this seems to be less common.

Allergies are complex and I still haven’t got my head around them even after years of my child developing them.

May contains don't contain the allergen as an intended ingredient but are made in factories that handle the allergen. As such, most may contains won't have the allergen but the odd product could have a trace if a machine wasn't cleaned properly, for example. So it's a bit of a Russian roulette situation as a product could be done one week and cause a reaction next week.

There's no legal obligation to record may contains, so a lot of people with allergies have an encyclopedic knowledge of different manufacturers' policies. They may also consider some products riskier than others (eg cereal bars or Asian foods for nut and peanut allergies).

The decision about may contains is taken based on medical advice and the parents' own risk assessment. Much like decisions about cycling helmets and car seats, it's a decision for parents only and not something babysitters should be overriding regardless of their own views.

Some allergies are frequently outgrown but nut and peanut allergies tend to be lifelong. If they are outgrown, it will be discovered via a skin prick test and food challenge in hospital, not by eating foods with may contain warnings that could mean anything.

Have you had your child tested recently for the allergy? It seems he has consumed the food and been fine so worth looking into. After the reaction when a baby the body can adjust itself, don't ask me how, just what have experienced.

I agree with everyone, not worth the risk but I have known many children who are diagnosed with a Peanut allergy and have found them scoffing things they shouldn't eat. Xx

The child ate may contains, not actual nuts. My child has epipens for a peanut allergy and eats may contains all the time - that doesn't mean she's outgrown her allergy. If she ate a Snickers she'd likely find herself in an ambulance.

Or a morgue.

Why on earth would you say that about my child?! What the fuck is wrong with you?

www.narf.org.uk

May contains don't contain the allergen as an intended ingredient but are made in factories that handle the allergen.

They MAY be made in a factory that handles the allergen. Equally they may not and the manufacturer is covering their own butt in case of inadvertent cross contamination.

Equally food made in a factory containing the allergens may also NOT contain the 'may contain nuts' label so frankly it's meaningless. As someone upthread said, it's a security blanket made to make people feel they are being careful.

Oh yeah agree with this, was going for a simple version for PP who seems to think that not reacting to may contains = allergy outgrown which obviously is a dangerous misconception.

IME a lot of people who avoid may contains know exactly what the presence or absence of a may contain statement means from brand to brand, but that's definitely not me!

Exactly, 'may contain nuts' on a cereal should be taken more seriously than may contain nuts on ham (yes, Tesco used to label ham as this) but neither the presence or the absence of those labels means much. 'made in a factory that handles nuts' it's much more explicit.