Is this signs of grooming creepy uncle

[Ladybug85789]

Children’s uncle from their dads side. He is in 40s never had a girlfriend addicted to porn, unemployed for the last few years. Whenever uncle sees nephews (age 8 and 4) is constantly asking for hugs, for them
to sit next to him and on his lap. Pouts when they don’t, contstantly asks them to sit close to him even when they say no. play fights with them asks if they want to sleep in the bed with him. Stares at the children when they are sat in the room. When he was employed he spoilt them with lots of gifts randomly and constantly buying sweets etc. once was playing with 4 year old and uncle bit him on his cheek very hard left a mark child cried alot. Always messages to ask to see the children on FaceTime lives 2 hour drive away.
the Children have never shared a bed with him or been left alone with him as I find his behaviour odd and disturbing and I am uncomfortable around him. He is close to his niece his others brother child she is a teenager now she gets gifts from him and he private messages and calls her quite often.

I want to confront creepy uncle and say keep a distance from my children. (We see around 10 times a year and as he lives with children’s grandma the children stay over sometimes always with me)

Thoughts

How do you know he is addicted to porn?
Does he watch it while other people/ the children are around. Do you see him watching it?

Do NOT ignore your gut.
They hide in plain sight.

Grooming or not I wouldn’t be comfortable with any of this and it would be a no to having him anywhere near my daughter for me personally:

• porn addiction (not sure how you know this but if true)
• asking kids to sit in his lap
• asking kids to share his bed
• biting (?) kids

Would be enough for me to say no thanks

This is your DH brother I assume? What does he say? My kids would be nowhere near him especially after the biting incident. I wouldn’t give a shit about offending the family either.

Some children are abused in the same room as their family, the sitting on lap stuff. Look at the NSPCC website.

His brother is my ex he told me also niece when she was around 11 told me she had seen alot on his phone (porn) and now im
not sure if he wanted to see it or if she was just being a snoopy child. Also he used to try get the kids changed bath time etc and was always in and out of bathroom when in shower. I feel I have become more aware in the last year or so and he has backed off

It could be. I’d always err on the side of caution and limit contact as far as possible.

Porn user or not, he's invading your children's boundaries and being creepily insistent on spending time with them. One way through this might be to tell him this clearly, and say that if he carries on seeing them, he must wait for them to come to him, apart from a quick hug hello or goodbye, and only see them in the living room and with you present, not in the bathroom or their bedrooms. If your relationship with your ex is good enough to discuss it with hm and he would support you, it would easier, Uncle may go off in a huff if he can't cope with these rules, which might not be a bad thing.

What does your ex think of this?

Hi I am abit of a pushover hate conflict but what would you say to this person in this situation. He comes to stay with his mum
sometimes I have no problem with the children’s grandma she is a lovely person but want him to back off. My mum was very upset about the biting and so was I and she told me to never have the kids around him

Ex partner finally got rid

So why didn’t you take your mums advice not to allow them to be around him not it’s ok if you are there! Get their Grandma to come to you instead.

I'm a bit confused....are you with your DC's father....? Is this uncle the brother of your DC's father then? And you are always there when they see this uncle?

He has physically assaulted one of your children and you’ve been told he shows porn to young children. Surely that’s all you need to make a decision to cut him out of your life without hand wringing over anything else? If your ex can’t be trusted not to let his brother near your children then you report this to social services and insist on him having supervised access to them only.

Seriously this is the level of things that you would go to the police about. He is also grooming you as well as the children by increasing what you tolerate. That you question your sanity. You need to say now that he sees them no more. That’s it. Do a check with the police.
Showing an 11year old porn to normalise it is not just a red flag but a giant smoke filled firework cannon. Let alone the other stuff.

No we are separated but when the grandma comes he Does aswell

He didn’t show her it she seen it on the phone

So you are totally right to never leave them alone with him....but what does your ex make of him? If he was looking after the DC without you, would he take them to see him? That would be my concern.

What on earth was his explanation for biting his nephew???!

He denied it child told us

remember we don’t know what you know. Try and explain more clearly.

‘when grandma comes, he comes’- where? Does she stay with you and bring him with her? Does she stay with your ex while he has the children?

Apart from anything else, demonstrate your self guarding and awareness- it will warn everyone your DC are protected.
Say things like ‘No Freddy, Uncle Bob is teasing. You know you don’t sit on people’s laps! Freddy come here and sit by mummy. No rolling on the floor with grown ups. That’s not appropriate. No Uncle Bob- Freddy knows not to look at other people’s phones! The settings might not be right for children.’

Out loud. Often.

He has already committed a criminal offence by showing porn to young children.
Given that and the rest his behaviour you really shouldn't be allowing him any contact with your children.

Why are you even asking this OP? Of course he does not get to have ANY access to your DC. i cannot understand why you are persisting with any relationship with this creep and assaulter of your DC. You are the only protection your DC have, so you need to woman up and find your inner tigress. Get the grandmother to come to you, if you want to see her, but she comes without her son. He does NOT have to see or have any contact with your DC, and you don't need to explain either.

This is blatantly not right and I agree with the above poster that says you've also been groomed into thinking his behavior is acceptable. My dc wouldn't be going anywhere near this man in any capacity, even If i was with them. Just the bite to the cheek alone would be enough to make sure he never had access again, let alone all the other very inappropriate and overly sexual behavior. If the grandma wants to see your dc she should come to you, without him. I honestly cannot believe you need to question this, I'm sure your guy tells you it's all wrong.