Is this signs of grooming creepy uncle

[Ladybug85789]

Children’s uncle from their dads side. He is in 40s never had a girlfriend addicted to porn, unemployed for the last few years. Whenever uncle sees nephews (age 8 and 4) is constantly asking for hugs, for them
to sit next to him and on his lap. Pouts when they don’t, contstantly asks them to sit close to him even when they say no. play fights with them asks if they want to sleep in the bed with him. Stares at the children when they are sat in the room. When he was employed he spoilt them with lots of gifts randomly and constantly buying sweets etc. once was playing with 4 year old and uncle bit him on his cheek very hard left a mark child cried alot. Always messages to ask to see the children on FaceTime lives 2 hour drive away.
the Children have never shared a bed with him or been left alone with him as I find his behaviour odd and disturbing and I am uncomfortable around him. He is close to his niece his others brother child she is a teenager now she gets gifts from him and he private messages and calls her quite often.

I want to confront creepy uncle and say keep a distance from my children. (We see around 10 times a year and as he lives with children’s grandma the children stay over sometimes always with me)

Thoughts

He BIT your son??? This can’t be a genuine post, surely.

So does your ex take them to his mum ever without you? I think the main thing to do is to ensure that he is never with the children without you personally having your beady eyes on him.

I don't know if you phoning him will create the effect you want - more likely that he will realise you suspect him and be more cunning, like all gentle "oh I don't know what I've done, just trying to be a good relative". Do not call him.

If his mum, their grandma, is moved to be on his side, and your ex has contact without you, you are fucked. Properly sunk as he will get access to them.

Also, I'm super worried about the neice. Hiw many siblings are there, your ex DH, Creepy, and another man or woman? Could you talk to her mum?? About her brother or BIL?

Yes I agree with this.

It's all very well the op keeping her DC away from him or never leaving him alone with them, and I agree with that...but her and her DC's father are not together. My concern would be if he would take them to see him during his time?

Your description about him gives me a major ick. Listen to your gut. Theres being friendly, and there’s crossing the boundary. Sounds like he’s the latter.

Protect your children, even if you have to be rude to the uncle.

I like what @SensibleSigma suggests. Sensible advice indeed!

Exactly! If she doesn't take the kids there he may and he won't be careful!

He wouldn’t have come anywhere near my
children ever again after he bit one of them (on the face, wtf). You should always listen to your gut anyway about people when it comes to your children.

Ex never has children alone as I don’t think he’s capable and he is ok with that. Children have never been left alone and stay in the same room as me always. Thanks for your responses

He covered it with I was just kissing him by accident and it was openly in the living room I was probably in the kitchen

Have you even bothered to read the thread properly? She said it was her ex like twice (or even three times) before you commented. In the very first sentence of the OP it clearly says that it’s her children’s uncle on her dad’s side

OP tell him you will not be seeing him again, he should not call, and he is not welcome to visit your home. If that means granny doesn't come too - so be it.

I hate to say this to you but my sister and I were touched sexually by an older man when my parents were in the room - yeah lots of sit close, stand next to me so I can explain it to you etc. just remove him from your life.

Niece is now 14 she was around 11 then but she did have the password to his phone as she watched YouTube etc on his phone and played games. Therefore he didn’t technically show her

Thankyou for this message I never did grow up with sexual abuse, but yes abuse and trauma was a big part of my past. Dad was physically and verbally abusive and as a result I have chose crappy men I am aware and am trying to not have any of this around my children. The people that do put people down when asking questions like this do actually make you question asking for help. Thanks for everyone who has been helpful and positive.

The biting of course is horrific. How could I have replied to the rest of the original post without taking note of that - it is maybe too bizarre to take in at first. Apart from the pain and shock of it, DC could have got sepsis or been seriously scarred. Is there any way you could have a serious talk with Grandma and ask her not to bring this man in future because he injured one of the children and you are scared he might do it again? You can't exclude him without involving her unfortunately.

The fact you know he is addicted is bad enough. No way is that appropriate.

He physically assaulted your child. WTF.

I mean I probably would have called the police at the bite. So dangerous and creepy. He thinks you’re allowing this. Your poor kids. Please don’t let him near them. The reason? Um, you’re a porn addict t and you bit my kid. That is enough.

Creepy as all hell. Trust your gut.

Please protect your children from him.

A very strange thread on so many different levels.

Unfortunately I am speaking from the experience of being an acquaintance of somebody who was then sent to prison for child sex abuse...

Not being able to sustain adult relationships
Constantly asking for hugs
Wanting them to sit next to him
Wanting them to sit on his lap
Sulking when they don't comply
Staring at children
Play 'fighting'
Joking about sharing a bed
Wanting face time with little kids
Accidentally on purpose allowing a girl of 11 to see sexual images on his phone
Providing lots of little gifts & sweets
Private messaging teenage relative

Any of those behaviours could be a concern on their own, but together they add up to a monstrous red flag.

As for the biting - that is every kind of wrong in every way.

Keep your dc safe and away from him. Actually, because of having known of someone like this, I would go further and speak to the police about it all, and tell them what you know. He may already be on their radar. The person I knew was - historically - but none of us knew about it until it all came out in court.

Him watching porn is nothing to do with me. alot of people do. That really isn’t my business.

The biting is a problem when I said it to him he said it was a kiss and said he was really sorry, child said it was a bite. Defo was a bite. He does have very strange behaviour. I think I used to think he doesn’t have children no one in his life maybe he loves the kids but obvs he is just creepy. Ex is aware I have spoke to him over the last year about his behaviour so he’s fully aware to not have the children alone with him and fully against the bite. Also lap sitting for a 8 year old way to big even 4 year old is a stretch. I will be having words and he will be kept away and I will speak to the grandma also.

I hope you're ok. It is good you are aware of this and noticing things. Follow your gut . If you haven't already id maybe think a bit about your niece and what can be done to make sure she is safe. Take care of yourself.

Don't feel bad because these people are very good at minimising and are very manipulative. But now you know and please you must DEFEND AND ADVOCATE for your children.

Don't feel bad. We all want to think the best of others. Please let yourself off the hook. You sound like a good mum and you have your kid's interest at heart. We here on this forum are able to support you and give you the courage to act on your instincts.

He does have all the hallmarks of a paedophile, so sorry.
I am not sure that talking to him would actually do anything. Person, I would definitely report his behaviours to the Police.
The first thing they do is check his phone and laptop, if they found any children images he would go to jail. You can do this anonymously, he would never know it came from you.

He BIT your child??? That is not normal.
Neither is mithering kids to hug, sit by him/on him. Sleep in his bed ??? 🚩 🚩 🚩
No, I’d not let my kids near him, ever. You can always hand his details to the police. God knows what’d be on his phone/laptop.