Is this signs of grooming creepy uncle

[Ladybug85789]

Children’s uncle from their dads side. He is in 40s never had a girlfriend addicted to porn, unemployed for the last few years. Whenever uncle sees nephews (age 8 and 4) is constantly asking for hugs, for them
to sit next to him and on his lap. Pouts when they don’t, contstantly asks them to sit close to him even when they say no. play fights with them asks if they want to sleep in the bed with him. Stares at the children when they are sat in the room. When he was employed he spoilt them with lots of gifts randomly and constantly buying sweets etc. once was playing with 4 year old and uncle bit him on his cheek very hard left a mark child cried alot. Always messages to ask to see the children on FaceTime lives 2 hour drive away.
the Children have never shared a bed with him or been left alone with him as I find his behaviour odd and disturbing and I am uncomfortable around him. He is close to his niece his others brother child she is a teenager now she gets gifts from him and he private messages and calls her quite often.

I want to confront creepy uncle and say keep a distance from my children. (We see around 10 times a year and as he lives with children’s grandma the children stay over sometimes always with me)

Thoughts

The fact that he BIT your 4-year-old was abusive, and would make him unsuitable to be around children, even without the other issues that you mention. Which certainly do make him sound creepy!

No, you should not give him access to your children.

Well done, OP. Always protect the children. Hopefully, niece's parents will do the same for her. Ex BIL can go to hell. There's far too many of them about.

I get that, I understand some women have, through no fault of their own, no idea of normal relationships. However, Op lists all the awful behaviour of the uncle so she appears to be aware it's abnormal. I am not beating her up but trying to galvanise her into action to protect her vulnerable children who have no voice. Surely she knows that biting a child on the face is wrong and would automatically stop seeing the uncle as a result. What reasonable explanation could he give for that? Imagine being Op's child. They are horrifically bitten on their face by the man, cry and tell their mother but she still makes the child see him every month. That child must feel so helpless and unsupported.

share your concerns with MiL - say you're really keen to maintain contact with her (or her relationship with your DC) but you do not want BiL anywhere near your DC - she is more than welcome to visit you, but not with BiL in tow.

Your only problem then is having a degree of control when they are in their DF's care - have you broached it with him? Maybe police or SS option is unavoidable - not sure if the Claire's law thing apply in this situation.

This guy is a blatant nonce. I’m normally cautious about labelling someone but this guy couldn’t be more of an obvious groomer. Absolutely keep your children away from him, use the biting as a reason if you don’t want to confront his other behaviours.

Trust your gut it's there for a reason, I'd not let him anywhere near my kids tbh

Yeah, grooming plus plus. Your OP went up a notch at play fighting which, like tickling games, is a way of enjoying physical contact but maintaining plausible deniability while he sees if the parents will draw the line yet, Unsurprisingly he escalated after that.

You could tell MIL he's not welcome but personally I'd tell him straight to stay away from my kids or risk the consequences.

I'm glad you've decided to keep your children away from him. I'd keep an eye on them to make sure nothing had happened in the past, as it's not impossible for an adult to do something inappropriate while other adults are in the room.

Your children are safe from this man now, but others may not be.

I'm very, very concerned about your niece. Can you talk to her parents?

I would talk to your ex, and also tell MIL why you're doing this. You can also use Claire's Law for family members - do that straight away.

Yes, this sounds like classic grooming and predatory behaviour. You have every right to feel the way you do. List all of the behaviours to your MIL or ex, if you speak to him, and say you no longer feel comfortable with him being near your children. Keep it really factual. If they try to tell you you’re being stupid, stick to your guns. You’ve described 6 or 7 behaviours that are really alarming and I’m sure there is more! It is not normal adult behaviour.

You need to go into protection mode now and get that creep away from your kids. Good luck, I hope you get sorted!

Fucking hell.
I'd contact the police over the biting alone.
What a massive weirdo.
Please stop exposing your kids to this horrible behaviour. Bollocks to what older relatives think, they're your kids!

Urgently stop having him around your kids. He has probably already overstepped boundaries. The bite is abuse.

Too physical and too weird. See what happens if he comes around and your kids are elsewhere. Like have them at a friend house so when he’s there, they aren’t.

Stay well away. Yes he is creepy. Have no contact at all.

@Ladybug85789 I just cannot get over having ex's mother to stay in your house or visit ex's mother in her house!!

I think it is a discussion your ex should have with his brother/mum and not you, as you will end up being a trouble causer in Uncles eyes.

Jesus christ op.
The cheek biting is enough on its own.
The rest is creepy.
Don't let them go near him.

Uncle is denying the biting incident, which he would wouldn't he? He'll accuse the child of lying and it'll make this incident difficult to monitor. Make a list so that you don't get side tracked and tackle the Ex or MiL, whichever is easiest to talk to, and mention the police even if you don't intend informing them.

He bit your child....that's enough to run ...never mind all the other stuff

Please contact the NSPCC for advice or call police or social services. This is not normal behaviour. You absolutely must protect your DC, your DN and other children.

This.

If you can't see this isn't right there's no hope.

Seriously women need to protect their children from these monsters. Have some boundaries. Teach your children to have boundaries. Fuck this "I don't like conflict" bullshit. Predators take advantage of this and you're teaching your children to be weak as well.

Well done OP - you've recognised the warning signs, which can be very difficult, as parents are often groomed alongside their children. You'd already made the decision to stop contact even before posting for advice re speaking to him.
Before speaking to him/MIL, why don't you seek expert advice from NSPCC.
Contact the NSPCC Helpline by calling 0808 800 5000, emailing [email protected] or completing our report abuse online form.
Tell them everything you've told us and anything else that comes to mind. They'll know the best way to handle this and support you.

Bloody he'll do you even need to ask he sounds like a tick box listed candidate foe the sex offender's register . 🙄

This sounds like classic grooming behaviour, sadly. Trust your instincts.

The cheek biting thing is weird as fuck. I wouldn't have let him back into my house again after that.

Absolutely keep this weirdo away from your child/children.

he's really pushing boundaries and this is of course part of grooming the whole family unit. He has already got away with very dodgy stuff and shown you who and what he is. OP, you must know in your gut what you need to do and I am sure you have the strength and the sense to do it.

This. Protect your children and also try to stop him harming others.