My son is almost 27 & never had a relationship, I worry he's going to end up lonely

[Onthecarpet2002]

Just this. I know some of you are going to say it's nothing to do with me but I think it's natural to worry about your ds. He's good looking & very fit, a nice lad but probably a bit shy. He's in the RAF & comes home most weekends as most of them do. He goes out occasionally at home but his friends are starting to settle down a bit & to the gym.
The only holiday he's had with mates this year is a RAF work trip to Cyprus where he had a few days free before he had to come back again.
There's so many ladies on munsnet asking where the good men are - there's one right here at the weekends! I know from a friends daughter that he's been on Tinder, obviously had no luck there. He seems happy enough with his life, says he is, but I don't know if deep down he might want a partner.
I do worry that as he gets older he's going to end up being a lonely man.

He won't end up lonely. He's just too busy to have a social life where he might meet a girl. Plenty of people meet up in their 30's or later in life, some have a much more successful relationship than they would have done in their 20's. Try not to worry. Don't try and match-make either.

Is he happy? You need to step back.

I didn’t get my first proper bring home to mum BF until I was 28, that’s not to say I was living like a nun before that! I just didn’t tell my Mum every single detail.

Lets be honest men tend not to find it that difficult to find a partner given how many women are invested in being in a relationship. I think he’ll find one when he wants one.
Or maybe he is having flings rather than serious relationships? That seems likely as he’s still quite young.

@Onthecarpet2002 my son is the same but a year older. Also in the RAF but wants to leave - he has no grasp of finances and just how expensive living and working on civvie street will be. No real friends, never had a girlfriend - declared at aged 15 when a girl he had been 'seeing' for about 2 weeks (they held hands once) dumped him that he would never have another girlfriend and he hasn't. He spends all his time when off duty gaming and he's so unfit and unhealthy, eating so much crap food as their base doesn't have proper cooking facilities. I'm so worried about him but accept that he's an adult, needs to find his own way in life, is content in his own little world and that not everyone needs to have found their person by the time they are 30!

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Maybe he just doesn't want a relationship?

If he's as nice and attractive as you say he is then he'll have no problem when that changes. Back off.

OP I imagine your son is having a whale of a time, you're just not privvy to a lot of it. He may have had several relationships, he maybe just doesn't want to share.

Maybe he doesn't want to settle down yet he is still young

@BustingBaoBun I never mentioned marriage.

For your husband 35 was normal to meet someone. When my dh was 35 we had a 5 and 7 year old.

Where did OP say they were ?

@fashionqueen0123 My husband commuted most weekends for 22 years. There are only 3 bases in the uk and the closest is 6 hours from us. He did that before I met him. They aren't all the same.

He’s in the military I bet he’s getting some though 😜.

What on earth makes you think a 27 year old man is even wanting to settle down? It’s so young still, plus his job is really not ‘settle down’ material. He’s probably very much enjoying being single. I’ll never understand mothers who fret about their kids settling down as soon as their brain has stopped developing. How about you focus on one of the first steps of adulthood instead, him living independently?

I have a lovely 22y son who has never had a relationship. He is confident and happy in every way. But he is in a male-dominated course and doesn’t want to meet a girl when either party is drunk 🤷🏼‍♀️ as he is concerned about consent etc.

Of course as mums we worry. There are some people here with very stereotyped views of young males. My son and his friends are just so decent but single. Whilst our young adult daughters seem to have more confidence in the dating world.

I don’t know what’s going on but of course we have no control over this. Let’s hope they find the right person at some point!

I think the more important thing is that he is happy.

Being in a relationship can be fun and great. It often is a pain in the arse (that’s why so many couples separate!)

Id stop worrying about him fitting into a set frame - gf, serious, relationship, marriage, children. His life might turn out different. And that’s ok as long as he is happy with his life!

It's a choice to view online dating as grim. I know many people who found their partners there. I would just be more positive about it as a possibility of finding someone. It's a shame but overall not much you can do. He still has time.

"Fernando, you’re 22 years old and you’re spending your Saturday afternoon in bed with a girl, you’re wasting your life."

All the military men I know have been top shaggers. I don’t think you need to worry. He’s probably busy having fun whether that be with other people or just enjoying his own hobbies. 27 is so young. There’s a lot of fun to be had at that age and all the grown up stuff can come later.
I know that it drove me absolutely mad when my mum would whinge and worry about me being single like it was the be all and end all. She’d say “I just want you to be happy”. I was perfectly happy and loving my freedom as a single woman! Single doesn’t mean sad and lonely!

It’s not about settling down. OP is worried for her son as he’s not been in a relationship yet.
From comments on here it seems to be normal these days but 30 years ago it would have been a bit strange.
Online/ phone culture to blame in my opinion A modern day issue.

He might not want a partner. He might be asexual. He might be gay but hasn't come out yet. He might be having brief flings with people. There could be anything going on that he hasn't shared with you.

I think 27 is young to be thinking of "settling down" anyway. He's in the RAF, there's lots going on, he has friends and so on. I certainly wasn't interested in any kind of relationship in my late 20s. I had two long-term relationships in my 30s but it just wasn't for me and now I'm single and perfectly happy with it. I'm not lonely. I was more lonely in those 2 relationships than I am now.

I really think you shouldn't worry about this at all. He seems happy and that's all that matters.

I understand your concern, at the same time I think you need to let him loose on this one; if he has any inkling you’re wanting him to get into a relationship, he might resist this further. As other posters have said, he may enjoy his own company (a great quality to have!) and/or still be figuring out his sexuality/hopes for the future. Not everyone wants 2.4 kids/husband/wife/mortgage! Just let him know that you are there for him whatever/whenever/that you will always love him. And set him free : )

And FWIW, my brother is single, happy and fulfilled at 55; no kids of his own; a great man and a great uncle.

I understand why you worry OP. It’s not about needing to be “ settled” it’s just hoping they can find romantic connection at some point.
Maybe some of the ugly comments are from people who don’t have young adult kids? I do know from having sons myself that as teens it’s harder now to organically find girlfriends/ boyfriends because they just don’t seem to hang out and socialise in RL the same way we did in the 90s/00s.
There also is more of a divide between boys and girls- not so much hanging about in mixed groups growing up, and so they don’t get to know girls as friends as much. In my day you would be in a big gang and romantic entanglements would happen naturally whereas now it’s more online and obviously more pressured especially if you are a bit shy.

I'm 49 and all of my friends and me ended up with people we met at work or university, or in some cases someone they had been good friends with when they were younger or even dated but were not ready to settle down with then.

I don't know anyone who met someone to actually marry while out drinking - I certainly had a few flings and short term things that way but nothing serious.

I know some people in their 20/30s now who met online dating, definitely a thing now. So glad I'm older and out of that scene though, I would hate it.

lol at people jumping to being gay as he's single at 27. Oh my Christ this world is mad! I didn't have a partner until I was 30. It's not that deep