Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask my happily married baby daddy to donate sperm?

156 replies

FluentCrab · 10/10/2024 23:30

I am a single mother to a wonderful toddler who brings so much joy to my life. I absolutely love being a Mum and am desperate to have another but am not interested in having a relationship (plus it’s bloody hard to meet anyone anyway as I have my son almost 100% of the time!).
I am considering booking at a clinic and using a sperm donor to have another. However, it breaks my heart to think that one of my children will have a Daddy who they are excited to see, while the other one will not have one at all. It would be ideal if I could ask my ex to donate and I think there is a chance he would agree. But is it batshit crazy to ask this of someone when they are married to someone else? I don’t want to offend his current partner. I feel absolutely zero romantic or sexual feelings for him now but she might get the wrong idea, or she might feel embarrassed that I’m walking round pregnant with his baby if he agrees.

OP posts:
Pandasnacks · 10/10/2024 23:33

Why do you have your baby almost 100% of the time? This suggests he's not as interested in his child's life as he should be, so it is would be a no from me.

Dramatic · 10/10/2024 23:33

Yes it is absolutely batshit. I can't even believe you'd consider asking him.

Scutterbug · 10/10/2024 23:35

He’s married. It just wouldn’t be right to do this, it will get so messy.

Mcginty57 · 10/10/2024 23:35

Bagshit, no man or their partner on earth would agree to this.

pernice · 10/10/2024 23:36

I would be pretty offended if I were his wife

Maviz · 10/10/2024 23:37

Yeah you really can't do this. He's married to someone else!

Mabs49 · 10/10/2024 23:38

If you don’t ask you don’t get.

Maybe his DW doesn’t want kids.

Maybe she does…

It means he would have two dependents, forever. Does he have the means to contribute financially?

You can ask but it may well be no.

Id be surprised if the answer was yes but you just never know.

KingOfPeace · 10/10/2024 23:38

Are you expecting him to be a dad to the baby, similar to your other DC?

Donation is one thing but being a dad is quite another.

I also can't imagine why he would but I am forever surprised.

DiscoBeat · 10/10/2024 23:39

Is he the father to your other child?

Moveoverdarlin · 10/10/2024 23:39

His wife will go up the fucking wall if you ask him this. And he will 100 percent say no.

DustyAmuseAlien · 10/10/2024 23:39

I think it's a bit batshitcrazy yes.

This guy has moral and legal and financial responsibility for your existing child but it would be unreasonable to expect him to have the same status with a "spermdonor" baby. Sperm donors aren't supposed to have any emotional legal or financial ties to any child conceived from their donation. This theoretical child would be in a limbo betwixt and between state. I can't see his wife being at all keen on the idea either.

Do you have any (male) gay friends who might like to take on the role of godfather/every-other-weekend-daddy?

Onlyonekenobe · 10/10/2024 23:39

Have you asked his wife if she’s okay with her husband having a child by someone else?

Yes it’s batshit.

Proudestmumofone1 · 10/10/2024 23:40

This has to be a troll post?

Surely this is not someone’s actual thinking?!

NuffSaidSam · 10/10/2024 23:40

There are websites where you can find men who want to be fathers for this sort of thing, that's probably a better bet than asking your married, minimally involved ex to do it.

Marblesbackagain · 10/10/2024 23:40

So he's married you have a toddler with him. Yep can't see this being the best idea.

I would suggest you take a beat and really consider are you willing to take on a second child without a father figure or potentially impact your opportunity to be in a relationship. Two children and going back to the baby stage will impact this.

roseymoira · 10/10/2024 23:41

He'd then be financially liable for child support for this child? Why on earth would he agree to that

BarbaraHoward · 10/10/2024 23:43

The father of your toddler is already married to someone else? Hmm

Notamum12345577 · 10/10/2024 23:43

Were you the OW?

Original poster
FluentCrab · 10/10/2024 23:46

Thanks ladies for the reality check. It’s nearly midnight and I’m lying next to my baby, listening to him breathe and feeling so sad that I won’t have another :(!

OP posts:
Original poster
FluentCrab · 10/10/2024 23:46

BarbaraHoward · 10/10/2024 23:43

The father of your toddler is already married to someone else? Hmm

Yep. Says a lot about him.

OP posts:
vodkaredbullgirl · 10/10/2024 23:46

Crazy post

Original poster
FluentCrab · 10/10/2024 23:47

Notamum12345577 · 10/10/2024 23:43

Were you the OW?

Where on earth did that come from?!

OP posts:
offyoujollywelltrot · 10/10/2024 23:48

Be happy with the baby you have.

DoloresHargreeves · 10/10/2024 23:48

Have you watched Katherine Ryan's The Duchess? You really, really should.

WinterMorn · 10/10/2024 23:48

FluentCrab · 10/10/2024 23:46

Thanks ladies for the reality check. It’s nearly midnight and I’m lying next to my baby, listening to him breathe and feeling so sad that I won’t have another :(!

You have a happy healthy baby and live life on your terms. That should be enough.