To ask my happily married baby daddy to donate sperm?

[FluentCrab]

I am a single mother to a wonderful toddler who brings so much joy to my life. I absolutely love being a Mum and am desperate to have another but am not interested in having a relationship (plus it’s bloody hard to meet anyone anyway as I have my son almost 100% of the time!).
I am considering booking at a clinic and using a sperm donor to have another. However, it breaks my heart to think that one of my children will have a Daddy who they are excited to see, while the other one will not have one at all. It would be ideal if I could ask my ex to donate and I think there is a chance he would agree. But is it batshit crazy to ask this of someone when they are married to someone else? I don’t want to offend his current partner. I feel absolutely zero romantic or sexual feelings for him now but she might get the wrong idea, or she might feel embarrassed that I’m walking round pregnant with his baby if he agrees.

Just no. There is lots of kid out there who are only children or have half siblings etc, it's not unusual these days so your kid will be fine.
What won't be fine is you having another baby with your ex who is married, that's just mental, how messy that could get !!

Are you insane ????

You sound equally as bad if you'd consider using a married man to father a second child, and potentially disrupt his marriage.

Don’t let hormones run your brain. Many of us were madly broody for another one raising one on our own. Put your current baby first, you are already low on support raising one, two… you will manage but won’t be able to provide for as well as with one (I’m talking of time, patience, support and energy, not just money).

You need a village to raise a kid and all that, if your child is 100%of the time with you, you do not have it.

Besides, why would your ex want to be legally liable for child maintenance of another child with you when he has it may have his own children to support at home?

This will cause upset in his marriage, and any civil or nice relationship you have with her. You shouldn't do this - at all.

If you feel really are going to go ahead anyway despite what everyones saying, speak with the wife first

How will you support two children if looking after them full time ? I can’t imagine his wife would want him to commit to support another child .

My first thought

If I was your ex partner's wife I'd go bloody barmy at this suggestion
I guess if it were to happen youd try and involve him in the babies life..and that wouldn't go down well either.
If you have you child 100% of the time how are you going to have another baby ? You can't take the first child with you into the hospital. Have you thought about who will look after your first born while you are giving birth ,,?

not sure what you mean... what would happen to your child now if something happened to you? vs what would happen to your children if you had 2?

No.

Batshit idea.

Not least because he doesn’t sound like somebody who would fancy being on the hook for two lots of CMS.

How are you supporting your current child? Is he contributing financially at the moment - I hope you're not fully dependent on the state. Unless you're working and have the means to pay for childcare I don't think you should be thinking of having a second child on your own anyway. It's not fair for the taxpayer to have to fund your needs because you want a sibling for your toddler.

Hes with another woman when you guys have a toddler together?

If this is real, and he jumped into a relationship that quickly, I’d say wait until they break up to ask!

having 2 children is so much more difficult than having 1. It's hard when there are 2 parents to help out, I can't imagine what it would be like when there's just 1 parent.

Plus the cost, childcare for example, plus everything else- clothes, toys, birthdays, holidays.

Can you afford 2 children on your own both financially and in terms of your time and energy?

No no and no! This is totally crazy. You are asking him to be a dad not a sperm donar. They are 2 completely different things. You either go down a proper sperm donar route or accept you have 1 child.

The biggest red flag here is your reason where you say you want the baby to have a dad. I don't think you understand the concept of a donor at all.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Just another day in this strange, strange world.

Arithmetic I imagine. The timescales sound pretty tight, adding another reason why this request would really not go down well at all.

I don't think this would be a very good idea, OP

Didn't take long for the benefit bashing to start.

Please don't be true, please don't be true. I am not a snob but the use of the term baby daddy by you is already strange. Where I live I've only ever heard it used as a pejorative term to stereotype a certain type of parent who wouldn't be top of my list when choosing a mate.
You have a toddler. He didn't hang around long before marrying someone else. You say he's amazing but doesn't share care (50/50) of your existing DC (that you have almost 100%).
Even if any future DC was only his second child (I'd be pretty shocked if it was), have you given a moment's thought if something actually did happen to you. Is 'baby daddy' going to be their full time carer (and his DW) or is he just a sperm donor? You must be financially very secure not to need support for this second DC. Have you thought about this in any way beyond you own want for your DC to share DNA? This is honestly one of the worst posts I've ever read on here.

You can't have everything you want. Both plans (ex or clinic) are insanely selfish, and 100% not in the interests of your current child, or your hypothetical one. If your ex is stupid enough to agree, it would (should) end his marriage and likely shatter his wife's life and mental health.

Give yourself time. Your child still sounds very young but in a couple more years you may feel ready to date again.

The new baby would still not have a Dad they are excited to see. He is still just a sperm donor

Lots of kids have sperm donor dads that actually wanted kids and then never make the effort to see them.

What worrying is this young woman probably expects the state to raise her kids.

Ask he might say yes, but fingers crossed he doesn’t.