To ask my happily married baby daddy to donate sperm?

[FluentCrab]

I am a single mother to a wonderful toddler who brings so much joy to my life. I absolutely love being a Mum and am desperate to have another but am not interested in having a relationship (plus it’s bloody hard to meet anyone anyway as I have my son almost 100% of the time!).
I am considering booking at a clinic and using a sperm donor to have another. However, it breaks my heart to think that one of my children will have a Daddy who they are excited to see, while the other one will not have one at all. It would be ideal if I could ask my ex to donate and I think there is a chance he would agree. But is it batshit crazy to ask this of someone when they are married to someone else? I don’t want to offend his current partner. I feel absolutely zero romantic or sexual feelings for him now but she might get the wrong idea, or she might feel embarrassed that I’m walking round pregnant with his baby if he agrees.

The wife would probably see you as unhinged.
Hopefully your toddler was made with love, why would you want a child out of desperation, especially with someone who left and loves someone else.
Talk about giving away your power to a man who doesn't even love you.

Bad enough if you were still with your partner but fallen out of love with him, worse when he's decided another woman is a better choice and doesn't even spend that much time with the toddler.

I would feel sorry for you, to think you have a great thing but instead of fully immersing yourself in the joy your toddler brings, you're up thinking about an ex who left you, doesn't see his child much and worrying about his wife.

You cant be soo happy if you're having such thoughts, as if your toddler isn't enough for you.

We all know siblings don't always get on, so that's just an excuse.

*Also wondering if OP knows the wife is on here and is just stirring.

And yet you’d consider bringing another child into the world with him?

Yes OP. This is batshit thinking…. Its not about your feelings its about that of your child and this is not a good start or ongoing set up

This basically

Why in the name of all that is holy do you think you can’t partner and have a baby with another man down the line?

He may with his current wife have a baby. But why does he need a sibling when you are dead?

Are you serious?

"No harm in asking"? "No harm" in bringing a child into the world who you know, before they are even born, will be in a complicated situation with their father, who didn't really want them, but did want their older sibling.

The guy is not going to be interested in this baby. If he wanted another child he'd have one with his current partner. He's not going to be the child's "Daddy", even if he plays some part in his current child's life.

Using a registered sperm donor through correct routes is very different to asking your ex to give you another child.

How is he with child support?

She says she is with the baby 100% of the time and is a single mom. How can a household of zero working adults and a toddler not be on UC? Another baby would exempt her from going to work for a while.

If your ex agrees to do this as a donor, Your two children would have totally different relationships with him. Horribly rejecting for the second child seeing their sibling call him dad. He doesn’t sound like a good dad. Why give him the privilege of your second?

Does she let him see the baby regularly? Seems controlling and full of boundary breaking or at least bending thinking of asking for someone to hand over their DNA to get her pregnant, no relationship. Would you lend your eggs to his wife so they can have a baby they will raise and have 100% of the time?

You don't want him to donate his sperm. You want him to be an involved parent (so a future child could also be excited to see their dad). This is completely unreasonable.

I also agree with you that it wouldn't be fair to create another child who didn't have the same opportunity to have a father. I see why you might want it for yourself, and/or for your son, but you can't create a child with everyone's interests in mind except their own.

I'm confused. You would expect another woman to be happy about her DH 's ex carrying her man's child? Or wouldn't she know?? Presumably the father is paying maintenance for child no.1? And if you are going it alone with no.2, he presumably would not be paying a penny? Nor taking any sort of responsibility? You really have put absolutely no thought into this hare-brained scheme, have you?

Lauryn Goodman is that you?

Completely and utterly batshit, this can’t be true. You seriously think his wife will be happy for him to double the child support he pays.

Baby daddy 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮
Children need good fathers.

I felt horribly broody after my dc was born but I found that getting a pet helped with that feeling. Now we are a happy triad and I have much better mental health than if I were single mum to 2 human children.

Absolutely not.

Saying "one will have a daddy they're excited to see and the other won't" implies you expect him to not just donate sperm but also be a dad figure. As otherwise your kids will have the same dad but one won't have any relationship with him, which is obviously worse than a mystery dad. That's even more batshit than asking for a donation.

If my husband's ex asked this, I'd be insisting he distanced himself from her (as much as he could, given the child). It's actually an insane request, there are no circumstances that could make it reasonable.

Aside from all the above comments, just enlighten me OP, what’s in it for “Baby Daddy” (🤮)

But you are not expecting him to be just a sperm donor if you also want him to see this hypothetical child. You also said he doesn't see your current child often, why do you think he would be interested in seeing another one?

Did you also think about how would you explain that to you child when they are older?

Honestly, you are either a troll or pretty selfish.

Your off your tree

I actually don’t think there’s any harm in asking either.

People reproduce in inadvisable ways all the time - one night stands, failing relationships, affairs, a family that is too large to support…

No, it is not ideal but I am not sure what the OP is doing that is so much worse than any of the above. The man in question seems to be liberally-minded, to say the least, and I suspect would be rather flattered anyway.

The desire to have a second child is a very strong one and, although it would be a hard road, at least her children would be close in age together.

I actually think this might be preferable to forming a second relationship and risking her firstborn feeling second best to their half-sibling or her second partner not treating him fairly. Those stories are all over Mumsnet, almost every day.

I actually know people that have had subsequent children with their existing children's father, even though they are not in a relationship. So that's not an excessively crazy idea IMO.
But yours is married!! I highly highly doubt they would agree. No harm in asking though, except for them thinking you're a bit crazy lol.

So you have a toddler with him and he’s already met and married someone else? Pull the other one OP.