To think having children isn’t an accomplishment?

[RealGreyLemur]

It feels like society places so much emphasis on having kids as if it’s some grand achievement, but I don’t see it that way. AIBU to think that having kids shouldn’t be treated as an accomplishment in itself?

I don’t really care what society thinks but as far as I am concerned having my DC and bringing them up is my greatest achievement. Nothing else compares to it.

Very variable depending on circumstances.

At one point, keeping DS alive and out of prison into adulthood looked like a great goal. Then him being in consistent employment.
He’s now got a good job and I am very proud. I’d be even prouder if he were to venture into dating, and beyond thrilled if he managed a happy marriage and kids.

DS 2 is doing extremely well, but had far fewer challenges. That said he’s just started dating so again, I’d be beyond thrilled!

Same, sorry for your losses. After 2 miscarriages, a still birth and a neonatal death in 2 years. Getting pregnant and hopefully birthing this baby currently 12 weeks is a major achievement for me. Didn't think I'd see this year after my twin boys died last Christmas

Why does something have to be rare or unique to be miraculous. That's like scoffing at all the marvels of nature around because there's loads of trees and animals - still amazing it's all there!

Surprised so many people feel physically carrying and birthing a child isn’t an achievement. Yet you get a medal for doing a 5k run in the park on a Saturday morning. I think we do ourselves a disservice by pretending childbearing is nothing.

But yes the real marathon is the decades of labour raising your children, juggling a career, paying the bills and trying to maintain a happy marriage or co-parenting relationship.

As someone who has just applied for 5 baby loss certificates I certainly think having one live pregnancy and helping him to grow into an independent young man. Is something of an accomplishment.

Having had children is definitely my biggest accomplishment.

Other people can have other things that are their biggest accomplishment, though, I don't think it needs to be a competition? It's deeply personal to everyone, what they find fulfilling and what makes them proud.

to everyone who has had losses.

As is so often the way, the first reply nails it.

Having children and raising them to be happy, sensible, productive, engaged members of society obviously is.
Otherwise how would our model of taxing the working population to pay for old, young or sick work?

That would be the definition of a miracle as a rare or extraordinary event something that has happened billions of times isn't that.

Nailed it!

I didn't have kids till later. I thought I knew my body well but pregnancy brought on so many strange, unpleasant symptoms and then I endured pain for hours in labour.
Now I'm on-call 24/7 with kids who constantly force me outside my comfort zone and have changed my personality to be more confident. I'd say it's a huge ongoing challenge and accomplishment to get through it all. I'm great at my job but that's the easy part of my day!

You grow them in your body for 9 and a half months, many feed them milk from their body for ages, then spend a minimum of 18 years on parent duty 24/7. Times this by however many kids you’ve got.

What other achievement takes that much effort?

I disagree that having kids isn't an achievement. As someone who had hyperemesis in both my pregnancies I can assure you it was a mammoth achievement.

I agree, having a child is not an accomplishment.

Bringing up a child from a baby to a well-rounded, contributing member of society (a good person, for want of a better phrase), is an achievement. Takes hard work, discipline, trial and error, a smattering of luck here and there.

Also, DD, whilst not an accomplishment in and of herself, she is the best thing I’ve done in my life and the one thing that will, if events follow their usual course, outlast me; my legacy, as pompous as that sounds. And I say that as someone who was genuinely ambivalent about having kids and who took a chance.

Raising them is and taking care of yourself in order to be the best parent is hard work.

This!

Having and raising kids is something you survive IMO My DC is amazing (also imo) and is a kind, caring and confident adolescent. But I don’t take credit for that, their personality is entirely their own and they’re the only ones that should be credited with being as great as they are. I raised them with love, that’s not an achievement either unless we’re comparing ourselves against the dregs of those who entered parenthood.

Its the hardest thing Ive ever done. And Ive done a lot of hard things.

My pregnancy was hell. I felt pretty proud of myself for getting through it - and I'm someone in a senior job and have received lots of academic and industry accolades...I still think my pregnancies were a huge accomplishment. I was on bedrsst for months, it was hard!

I believe my dc are an accomplishment. Obviously I have others but I’ve raised two good people who contribute usefully to society and make the world a better place for those around them and I’m allowed to feel proud of that I think.

I'm so sorry for your losses.
May your pregnancy be healthy and successful.

Bringing them up without fucking them up is an accomplishment.

And giving birth! I still feel I should have got a medal for that. And mine was relatively “quick”.