To think having children isn’t an accomplishment?

[RealGreyLemur]

It feels like society places so much emphasis on having kids as if it’s some grand achievement, but I don’t see it that way. AIBU to think that having kids shouldn’t be treated as an accomplishment in itself?

I used to agree with OP when I was younger. Then I had my son.

He is hands down the thing I’m proudest and most thankful for in my life. And it has taken - if not hard work exactly - love, energy, patience, perseverance, self discipline, self sacrifice, cooperation, did I mention energy?

When you grow a new human, and look after this tiny helpless thing, whom you have to teach pretty much everything - how to eat, how to toilet, how to sleep, how to walk and talk, how to read and go to school and interact with others and on and on, and then you look at this almost-adult and feel so proud of them because they are absolutely their own unique person but you know you have supported them to flourish - it’s the best thing.

Im sure you know it when you come across a human who hasn’t been parented very well, for whatever reason. It absolutely is an accomplishment to do it well, and it also takes a bit of luck, and deserves far more societal support.

Well it certainly feels like an achievement, I’m sure skydiving or getting a degree in maths is also an achievement but I’m not going to do either of those, doesn’t mean I don’t recognise it’s an achievement for those who do.

In a way the things we celebrate as accomplishments are misguided always. It's highly subjective. For some, getting on an airplane is huge. For another getting through 24 hours without a drink is it. Maybe it's leaving a difficult relationship, or just making it through the month without debt. By comparison, as someone mentioned earlier, a 5k in the park by an able bodied person seems no better than any of these.

I’m going to be juvenile right now, but I am particularly enjoying your typo of fatality issues when you meant fertility issues. I needed a smile and you gave it to me, so thank you! 😁. This is in no means meant to make light of fertility issues and I cannot imagine how difficult those must be.

I think raising my son to be a good person is an ongoing accomplishment for me.
He said thankyou to someone earlier and they said he was polite and I sort of took that as a compliment to me and my parenting, for example.

This is sort of off topic but related. I was struck this morning by the familial legacy of Lily Ebert, the holocaust survivor who died recently aged 100.

On her death she left behind 3 children, 10 grandchildren, 38 great-grandchildren and 1 great-great-grandchild.

Just struck me as incredible that her survivial led to so many new lives being created.

My blood carries traces of their DNA. Their brain and bones were built out of deconstructed bits of my body.
I vomited copiously and repeatedly for months. I still have some fairly minor health consequences from carrying them.
I didn’t get a lot of help.

It’s an achievement we all lived through it, frankly.

Oh God yes! I think you should be given a medal for giving birth tbh. Such an incredible amount of pain endurance - more than any marathon or athletic feat I can think of

What harm is it that people feel its an achievement ? I find it's pretty amazing that my chronically ill body grew another human and carried to term. Someone thinking its an achievement doesn't make you a failure for not having kids. Like you might feel your degree or your house are achievements. They aren't things that interest other people but it doesn't diminish your achievement.

Haha! Yes, perhaps you're right.

It may be an accomplishment, depending on personal circumstances, to even get pregnant and go on to have a baby - or it may be as easy as falling off a log. The part that comes after that may prove be an accomplishment for some - but is absolutely never like falling off a log for anyone.

Well, it sort of FELT like a bit of an accomplishment when I gave birth to both babies after 9 months of pregnancy and then long and painful labours. But ok, sure take that away from women for sure.

I mean, women grow and birth and are usually primary carers for tiny vulnerable humans so of course it's generally devalued and underappreciated, especially today.

It is absolutely an accomplishment. A huge one. And not remotely comparable to 'milestones' like getting married or graduating university, which doesn't make those not accomplishments worth celebrating.

I have to say that my house, my husband, my kids, my career and my artistic pursuits that have been a success outside traditional work - are all accomplishments to me. I definitely feel proud of the 'achievement' of my kids in the same way I feel proud of academic, career, even monetary accomplishments.

I don't really get the argument that having kids isn't an accomplishment - pregnancy and birth was very difficult for me to go through, in the same way all things worth having are difficult.

I think they may be a bot, so no kids! There’s been an influx of posters whose username is made up of word-colour-animal. One controversial opening post and never come back…

I don't know about society but there are certainly a subset of mothers who think so, especially around holiday times.

Well after pregnancy, labour and birth I felt I'd achieved something!!!

Raising DC is an achievement, it involves sacrifice and a lot love, time and effort.

Do you have kids OP

Going through infertility, fertility treatment and then the adoption process with all that entails to have my two kids definitely felt like an achievement.

Pregnancy is tough
Birth is one of the biggest physical events the body can face (the words of my doctor DH)
Lack of sleep, breast feeding, responsibility…etc it’s all a massive achievement for those who undertake it and to not acknowledge that would be very wrong.

Why is running a marathon an achievement? No one made you do it
Why is a uni degree an achievement?
You don’t NEED one to get a decent job
Why is buying a house an achievement?
You don’t have to own the place you live

An ‘achievement’ is determined by the effort put in and honestly I feel like having my two kids was a MASSIVE HUGE achievement for me personally.

Ahh that's how AI can scrap answers from us.

So get a human in a country where employment costs are low to start a thread. Then enter all the answers in to a model.

Then it needs some people to give difficult answers.

I think MN needs to ensure you can't start a thread unless you have x posts that are valid. I know other forums that do this.

I see it as a huge accomplishment. I set out to achieve certain other things in my life and I have - getting a teaching job was an accomplishment, as was passing my driving test. Becoming a mum was a much bigger achievement though, of course.

First post nails it.

I definitely felt it was an achievement! Years of infertility, ivf, HG and then 2 beautiful children. I definitely won't achieve anything more than that in my life! The things women go through regularly move me. I manage a large team and hearing the stories of their miscarriages, early births, infertility treatments etc.... astound me at woman's ability to withstand.

I thought the exact same thing @OrangeTeabags . To have the courage and resilience to have her own family after losing her mum and siblings in Auschwitz….that’s an achievement. I can’t imagine how fearful she must have been that history would repeat itself and she’d lose everything again.