To think having children isn’t an accomplishment?

[RealGreyLemur]

It feels like society places so much emphasis on having kids as if it’s some grand achievement, but I don’t see it that way. AIBU to think that having kids shouldn’t be treated as an accomplishment in itself?

This has made me think about just how hard it is to be a parent. Looking back I really do not think I had the personal qualities to be a good parent. I did not realise how much it takes to do it well, the selflessness, the ability to listen, to guide, to set and stick to good healthy boundaries and then there is the amount of energy and engagement necessary. I think I went into shock for the early years and realised that I am not a natural mother. It took becoming parent for me to have face some uncomfortable facets of my personality , I realised that I am rather lazy selfish and quite bad tempered. Very true that anyone with functioning reproductive equipment can produce a baby, nurturing and guiding that baby into adulthood is a whole different thing

I agree entirely with the premise, and also that raising children well is something to be celebrated. The physical act of being pregnant and giving birth is something that requires no skill, just luck, which we do not have control over (there are plenty of people who are healthy but cannot have children for a plethora of reasons).

Goady thread

👏 agree

Excellent post @EmBear91

Of course it's not, but raising kind and emotionally intelligent children is. :)

Maybe that should say "My having kids wasn't a notable achievement for me". That then allows for the fact that other people have different opinions

What OP is getting at, most likely poorly worded, is that society believes that having kids is the greatest accomplishment there is. That if you don't have kids you haven't achieved the greatest thing you can do in life. Ergo it is a society that looks down on women who choose or or cannot have children and thorough their life and what they achieve is not worthy enough as they didn't achieve the greatest thing they could by having children.

And your post is the attitude the OP is getting at, you don't think someone achieving a promotion is an amazing achievement.

I agree with others raising children well is an amazing achievement but so is someone who did whatever it took for then to get their promotion, pass exams and so on.

Having a baby is celebrated as it is a huge deal for that family. Also it is a new life/soul in the world. What else really compares to that? Does OP not have dc? If so, she should know what an accomplishment birthing and bringing them up is.

Another great post

What is a greater achievement than creating a new life?

Have to disagree. 9years of infertility, numerous invasive situations and operations and around 40k. It was a massive accomplishment for me.

I don’t think not having children is an issue or a lack of an accomplishment, I fully support any woman that chooses to be child free.

For me, creating a brand new life has been beyond an accomplishment and felt more like an absolute miracle. It’s by far the most incredible thing I have done, and I have had a very interesting life (on paper)

Unfettered monetary and population growth; how do you square that with over population, women's rights and environmental issues?

I have faced my own mortality and I valued then, and value now, my academic achievements which were hard won due to a chaotic childhood. I managed to get to school every day despite my "mother" not giving a shit about me and lumbering me with having to care for younger brothers and sisters she chose to bring into this world as "achievements".
I got myself to medical school, got through it, went through cancer and a shit marriage. Managed to work as much as possible whilst gojng through chemo. Got my career back int rack to become a consultant by 45 and clinical director. I've achieved successful research studies and am an expert in my field. More than than I've saved the lives of thousands and thousands of people either directly or indirectly.

And yet, according to some people I haven't achieved as much as someone popping out a few kids.

That's what makes women like me angry.

Nurturing and caring for an established one; particularly if you didn't create it.

Yes I can imagine it is actually.

Well said that woman 👏🏻

Of course it's an accomplishment. A fucking amazing one. Fuck anyone who tells me differently - my kids are my best accomplishment in life (even before my PhD), and they always will be.

Making other people and keeping them alive is exhausting, can break your body and mind and in my opinion makes us superheroes. I have a degree and a professional qualification both of which were less time consuming, intense and exhausting than carrying, birthing, feeding and raising my 3 children!

Impressive, and sadly true; women are still judged on this matter, and there will be no equality while this is the case.

Exactly. It takes a huge physical toll on us right from pregnancy, it is a journey of teaching and sacrifice and learning and empathy...and it's trendy now to say it's 'nothing really' and that we shouldn't be allowed on the bus as there's no room.

Doing it well a huge accomplishment, as much as anything else is.

OP doesn’t have kids I can almost 100% guarantee it. Raising lovely little humans is my BIGGEST accomplishment and if that makes me a boring bastard then good. I’ll take that crown.

Well I've had a similarly difficult life to yours and see my daughter as my greatest achievement because I had to go through so much to have her.

Sneering at other people's "achievements" and using the derogatory language of "popping a few kids out" when getting pregnant, carrying and birthing a baby is a herculean task for many women is just nasty and doesn't endear people to your point of view.

☝️absolutely this

I'll take it with you 👸😃