To think having children isn’t an accomplishment?

[RealGreyLemur]

It feels like society places so much emphasis on having kids as if it’s some grand achievement, but I don’t see it that way. AIBU to think that having kids shouldn’t be treated as an accomplishment in itself?

First post has it spot on.

I would perhaps add 'and also surving it' that feels like an achievement sometimes. Being a parent isnt easy!

@TheCoolOliveBalonz yep- agree. I had a colleague with hyperemesis gravidum for 9 months and a dozen complications, and I’ve never been more impressed by someone’s determination to carry a pregnancy full term. It was super human.

I dunno, pushing a whole human out of my vagina seems like a pretty solid achievement.

^ Great post!

I feel a great sense of achievement about the tweens I have gestated, given birth to, breastfed, and brought up to be healthy and happy individuals. I've done my best and it's been very stressful and hard at times. So yes I do consider my children's development so far an accomplishment.

This. 100%. If everyone achieved this there would be less problems in the world.

I think what the op really has an issue with is society valuing parents and maybe not placing such value (in the op's view or experience) on other achievements. Another poster mentioned their parents not celebrating their thesis in the same way a siblings baby was celebrated. That's really sad. We shouldn't undervalue people who don't have children but that doesn't mean we can't celebrate those who do.

I think anything that someone has worked hard at can be an achievement and should be celebrated equally. One small example is that my ds learnt to tie his laces from being shown once, it was a very small achievement for him whereas dd has taken 3 years to get the hang of it, she has persisted and kept trying and can now do it on het own, that is a massive achievement for her.

For some people getting pregnant and birth cam be hugely challenging in many ways and if those people can manage those difficulties alongside their lives its an achievement for them. Raising a child is hard work and is and achievement. Some people run marathons and win Olympic medals, that's an achievement. Some of us feel proud when we finish couch to 5k, still an achievement.

I think by achievement it is something you value when faced with your own mortality. Most other "achievements" pale into insignificance when you realise this either through illness or age.

I don't have children and yes, I feel like a failure for not having reproduced. It wasn't a choice.

This!

What i dont like is the:

• i need special arrangements at work cause i have kids
• oh but they should accomodate cause i have kids
• I'm so tired...you have no idea cause you dont have kids

It's your decision to have kids so as long as it's not an excuse for a lot of things then you should be proud of your achievements

Hours of interviews, references, financial investigation, psychological evaluation, medical examination, home suitability visit, just a small number of things some of us are required to go through to just be considered okay to possibly become a parent.

I don’t really see the point in these kinds of comments. They seem designed to put parents down and make them feel like they haven’t done anything important by caring for children. Just having children and not parenting/neglecting them isn’t an accomplishment. Having children and doing everything you can to make their lives as good as possible is. My son is happy, healthy and thriving, which he wouldn’t be if I didn’t put so much work into caring for him. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with me feeling a sense of accomplishment for that.

Yes having a baby is an accomplishment. Huge accomplishment for the human body. What it’s main purpose is and the reason we are all here.
Raising a child well to be a kind, hardworking and independent human is a huge accomplishment both mental and physical which is years and years in the making. Once mine all fly the nest and set up their own lives, my task is done and yes, I will feel a massive sense of accomplishment.

But it's not a personal accomplishment - you've no say whether your body can do it or not, it's just a biological urge. My body was amazing at breastfeeding, could have wet nursed the whole street - I personally had nothing to do with it.

Why should I have recognition for doing something that is inherently selfish - wanting a baby ?

It is an achievement. Not everyone can. For 60-100 years the world has been trying to get people to stop having babies. And doing pretty awful things in the process. Now the world population is barely above replacement. To be a good member of society in China 40 years and to have a good job and a place in the party have one or none. Now they want 3. If you want a good job and place in the party you best try for 2. Iran spent time trying to reduce population and now they are begging people. Russia the same. The reason they are in Ukraine 2014 and now is they failed on the baby making they need for forcibly annex countries to gain population. Economies fall when there is a population dip. In fact the people who do have kids need to have 2-3 kids. Cause many can’t or don’t want to. If you ever spent time with anyone at the end of their life you would understand how people regret not having or consider it the best thing they ever did to have kids.

This is such a misogynistic post. Growing a human being, birthing that human being & then raising them is a huge achievement. I’m a midwife & it’s snarky opinions like this that contribute to the UK having such shitty maternity pay, horrible breastfeeding rates, huge issues with maternal mental health & horrifically expensive childcare. Because mothers are not valued or given any kind of adequate support.

What’s the main cause of maternal death in the first year? Suicide.

But sure, keep spouting about how it’s not fucking hard.

Raising children well is an achievement. That said, I worry some parents unintentionally put pressure on their children by seeing their child’s success as a reflection of the parent’s “achievement”.

I think if people don't think them managing to get pregnant, have a healthy pregnancy and bear a baby is an achievement, happy for them to think that way. It was an achievement for my body and for me, and I'm pretty happy with it. To each their own. There are lots of things other people are proud of that I couldn't care less about so I think it's fair for other people not to care about some of my own achievements

Totally agree @EmBear91

Hopefully no one is forcing the recognition on you? If other people think it's an achievement for them, then that's alright isn't it? surely we don't get to decide what's an achievement for other people?

I could not give a shit about climbing the career ladder, but my kids are the absolute biggest achievement and the most work I've ever done in my life.

I worked a 'typical' job before I had them.
I worked my way up the ladder.
I didn't feel like I had achieved much in doing so.
As soon as I had my first child I knew I wanted to do it fully at home and luckily had the means to do so with my partner working to support us.

If someone tells me they have been promoted, I'm happy for them, but I don't see it as this amazing achievement, because to me it never was.
But it seems it's the done thing to celebrate only women that work and sneer at the ones that stay home with the kids, and as demonstrate by this thread, belittle anything they feel proud of.

It's pathetic.
I don't care about your career, or your house that you either bought because it was easier to do so when you did or it was funded by mummy and daddy.
I don't feel like I'm lacking in achievements because I didn't opt for a long term 'career'.

Threads like this just smack of green eyed monster.

Some days the fact that my 2 year old is still alive and fed at the end of the day feels like an accomplishment

Of course it is! Even getting through the pregnancy is, and certainly the labour 💪🏻

I would have said the same as OP until I had children. Now I’ve had a baby I feel it is a big feat that has required huge amounts of energy, patience, self-sacrifice, money and thought! Being a parent just throws you into a whole different world with different things to consider, think about, worry about, learn and research.

I think this is a great post.