A bit sad I wasn't mentioned individually for supporting DH's career

[PlateSpinn]

So DH has just had a notable promotion and a celebration.
I've been there for 30 years, the student years,the low pay, the working away, the chewing over projects. My career took a terrible hit at multiple times to support him and keep the whole kid and home circus on the road.
He thanked his family several.times, looking at his parents, named a few colleagues and that was it.
I'm beginning to feel a little publicly humiliated and suspecting I might be at the end point of being useful when youngest goes to Uni.

Would you thank a spouse or should I just feel family covers it?
YANBU thank your partner
YABU family covers it.

Any good ideas for 'ducks in a row' worst case, I'm being 'let go' shortly.

@LaughingPig are you on crack?

The currency in marriage is not how much you can milk your wife and get away with. Yes it's that obvious you are a man.

This should focus on the ‘three Cs’- cleaning, catering, childcare with other duties to be agreed with the working parent like gardening and DIY.

The 3 CS lol how about:
Consideration
Compromise
Communication

Actually a direct response in the tone of your post would be:

Fix the orgasm gap
Fix the time off gap
Fix the spending on hobbies gap

Now off you trot to the 1900's

Are you for fucking real !!!!????

🤣🤣

Nope. Think again. Either that or toddle off back to the 1950s.

I think that's why a number of us have asked if he's an academic. Typically promotion to Prof means an inaugural lecture with the family in attendance (and thanked, especially the spouse, obviously!) and often a drinks reception too (hence the two speeches).

Oh and stop feeding the troll folks, you're just making it happy.

Sometimes it's nice to see the solidarity @BarbaraHoward :)

I think there is a lot of stay at home parents projecting on here. The op was a working parent. She only stopped work a year ago, due to work stress, elderly parents and thr wrangling a teen thrown in at the end. As said she’s a housewife. No shame on that. He clearly earns enough to support her to do that.

that’s seperate to should he have thanked her. But it appears this marriage is on a bad way. So more to it.

This. Frankly.

OP says herself that she was stupid to jack in working. Amazing so many women still think it's the best way forward.

Definately time to get back to work - you can be a lot more focused on yourself now.

Outsource care for your parents as much as you can - a carer or housekeeper can do the heavy lifting, even doctors appts, you can visit them and enjoy your time with them, rather than running their household as well as your own. He gets to look after his parents.

Your kids are 50/50 responsibility, as is house, garden etc - though he can just throw money at these from his promotion.

So sorry OP, if there was a speech that he knew about in advance (and it sounds like he did as his parents were there) then he should have prepared and of course included you. I am not surprised you are hurt, it sounds like you have given up your job and several opportunities for him and he hasn't even thanked you publicly. I'd be hurt too. Probably the best thing to do is tell him, at a time when there are no high emotions, that you feel hurt and ask him why he didn't include you. I'd look him in the eye to see if it was deliberate or an awful oversite. If you think it's the latter then perhaps he should do something else for just you and him to show how he values you. Failing that I'd be thinking of taking up my career again - not to mention copying paperwork so he can wriggle out of any divorce claims (just as a precaution, not saying you should split).

@BarbaraHoward you'll very likely get deleted for that. MN seems to dislike any allusion to its very obvious problem.

My late husband did this at his 70th birthday celebration: went round the room, introducing every single person there...except me.

Fortunately, my younger cousin called out "What about the lassie in the braw frock standing next to you?" He then recollected himself and introduced me as the light of his life.

Afterwards, my cousin's husband came up to me: "You see, Weary, when you have a wife, it's a bit like having a comfy armchair - you often dinnae notice it's there!"

Can't imagine what you mean.

Im sorry OP that’s horrible. It appears intentional that he missed you out. He did remember to thank others, you wouldn’t have slipped his mind- let’s not give him credit for that- so what motive would he have had to humiliate you like this. Not great 😢

My DH as senior partner had a big dinner to celebrate 25 years in business. Band, dancing etc. I was not working and DC were quite young. Was I thanked for anything? No of course not. Other guests actually noticed. I did absolutely everything with dc and in the home so he could build up this business. It sucks big time. His parents were not around but I knew I didn’t count. Money was good though so I spent plenty! Some men are just about themselves.

I’m not the hysterical or limelight type but I would be extremely ipset by this omission. Many men don’t fully understand or accept the sacrifices (real and the risks of financial dependence) made by the spouse. What a bloody idiot.

I suspect she’s early retired as he earns enough she doesn’t need to work. But that would result in very different responses.

It’s not about whether OP was a SAHM or worked 70 hours a week at a high flying career - it’s about him being so big headed that he fails to acknowledge his wife , the person he lives with , his life partner - as contributing to his success.
I would feel incredibly hurt by the glaring omission.

That’s not big headed or failing to. He’s chosen not to. She’s not spoken to him about it. She feels they are headed for divorce. Clearly there is a back story here in terms of their relationship.

My dh forgot to mention me in his speech at our wedding.

That's right, he didn't say I looked beautiful or anything at all about me on the day .

I let it go, because although it was a bit hurtful, I know how nerve wracking it's to do a speech in front of everyone you know and I wouldn't have wanted to do it myself.

Still married.

OP is justified to be hurt tho, it is crap.

Also, will everyone stop banging on about her being a SAHP, she was a working bloody parent - who did all the other shit on top!

Stay at home parents are not there to cook and clean. They are there for childcare. And I just LOVE your use of the word ‘catering’. I think you’re a bloke.

That’s so cruel of him. My husband is doing something at the minute and had an interview in the paper and thanked me for my support (not usually something wives in this area would be thanked for) and it made me feel really appreciated. I can’t even begin to imagine how you feel. I’m so sorry OP. In future do fuck all for him xx

Yeah but she doesn’t work,she can do fuck all,but he can refuse to pay the bills. And she stopped working a year ago. Amd I don’t think she wants divorce even though it is likely coming when the kids leave home.

Seems a bit of a leap to assume he's planning to end the marriage, but I assume there's more to this than meets the eye

That’s what I thought too