A bit sad I wasn't mentioned individually for supporting DH's career

[PlateSpinn]

So DH has just had a notable promotion and a celebration.
I've been there for 30 years, the student years,the low pay, the working away, the chewing over projects. My career took a terrible hit at multiple times to support him and keep the whole kid and home circus on the road.
He thanked his family several.times, looking at his parents, named a few colleagues and that was it.
I'm beginning to feel a little publicly humiliated and suspecting I might be at the end point of being useful when youngest goes to Uni.

Would you thank a spouse or should I just feel family covers it?
YANBU thank your partner
YABU family covers it.

Any good ideas for 'ducks in a row' worst case, I'm being 'let go' shortly.

I stupidly gave up last year because the commute was a killer, elderly parents

look at going back, mull things over as to how you are going to prioritise yourself and start being selfish

Exactly .
it so Billy Big Bollocks can expand his career and stand up in front of everyone and thank everyone’s contribution- except his wife .

How old are the elderly parents. With a teen child surely now’s your chance to get out and do something. Pay a cleaner.
Is it because he assumed you were happy at home he did not appreciate it.
I see your point but now’s your time.

😂

@LaughingPig Tell me you're a man without telling me you're a man.

The way I see it a SAHP’s job role needs to be formalised so both parties know what to expect from the arrangement.

This should focus on the ‘three Cs’- cleaning, catering, childcare with other duties to be agreed with the working parent like gardening and DIY.

Um the youngest is a teen and she only stopped work a year ago. She’s not a stay at home mum. She’s a housewife.

@LaughingPig do you have a spouse/partner? Because the strange, cold way in which you describe a marriage working is not the reality for most people, because, y'know, loving relationship not employed staff.

I know there are some truly atrocious relationships but a formal appraisal of the SAHM partner by the working partner is just...odd.

Unless of course OP is entitled to give him a target for his anticipated earnings in the short/medium/long term and put him on a performance plan if he falls short. Still odd, but fairer.

Well seeing as it's only been for the last year - your point is?

I suspect there is more background to this if you are taking this as having a very significant meaning.

Being honest I would think it strange that you don't consider yourself to be his family.

Fuck me pink and call me rosie!!!

I despair.

She didn’t say that, why are people twisting things to habe a go?

Clearly there is not an employment relationship as such,

It's not an employment relationship full stop @LaughingPig

Meanwhile @LaughingPig should probably scuttle back to the Carlton Club. (Other misogynistic, outdated institutions are available.)

I think laughingPig is exactly what their user name implies and is on a wind up.
It wouldn't make any difference if OP was a SAHM, but she hasn't been-she has worked throughout, except for the last year when she has been caring for parents + looking after everything at home.
Her career has probably been hampered by taking on a lot of family responsibility and his career has flourished because of that.
I think it was pointed and rude of him not to thank her individually and if it happened to me I would feel hurt.

I don't blame you for being pissed off, and agree with other posters -get your life back on track. Get back at work! You only stopped last year, so it shouldn't be too hard to pick it up. Let him share the parenting, the teens, the elderly parents.

I think you sound quite passive actually, waiting to see if you're being "let go". You have equal power in this. Decide whether you want to be the invisible spouse who isn't mentioned, who doesn't appear to be valued. It might be of course that he just forgot to mention you, but that's still shit! Decide what you want, don't wait for him.

You've made it far too obvious that you're on a wind up 🤣

Never mind. Just NC and wait for a similar thread but be a bit less of a try-hard.

Publicly humiliated, only you can know whether this was intentional.

Something makes me think he's taking you for granted.

A combination of getting too big for his boots and not appreciating you, resentfulness sets in.

This is the begginging of how marriages end, there is usually a trigger moment where you reach boiling point.

He's a fool.
Doesn't recognise what's important
He will learn too late probably.

That's my prediction.

I suppose when you've spent 30 years putting everyone else first, you would become a bit passive.

Wow! That was a nasty post. A lot of assumptions there.

Tell me you're a single man without telling me you're a single man 😂😂

Lucky op getting to work and do all childcare and the daily home related shite jobs. How lucky she is to have a husband that supported her in doing this! He sounds delightful 😕

I don't think you've been 'stupid' PlateSpinn. You sounds like a kind, hard-working person who thought your dh had enough understanding of your role in his success to recognise and publicly thank you for it.

It does sound like you need to get yourself back to work, even voluntary work to gain experience, and prioritise yourself as you don't really seem to feature as important in your dh's world view.

You haven't thrown anything away. You chose to prioritise your children and family, which is a kind thing to do, but now it's time to put yourself first.

I wouldn't say it was stupid though. OP, like many mothers thinks that her children are more important than her career. DH profited from OP's sacrifices and should have acknowledged her in his speech. It might be my overactive imagination or did someone else think of a mistress sitting in the audience and that's why he didn't acknowledge his wife's support? Because it is a really strange thing to do (or in this case not to do). Thanks to OP he has been able to focus on his career. I have rarely heard someone NOT thanking their wife when making a speech and in this case it was really called for. Sorry OP but no regrets; you were there for your children when he wasn't.

I can't get over him having a celebration over a promotion. I usually just get a curry, send my mum a WhatsApp and order myself a new bag 🤣