A bit sad I wasn't mentioned individually for supporting DH's career

[PlateSpinn]

So DH has just had a notable promotion and a celebration.
I've been there for 30 years, the student years,the low pay, the working away, the chewing over projects. My career took a terrible hit at multiple times to support him and keep the whole kid and home circus on the road.
He thanked his family several.times, looking at his parents, named a few colleagues and that was it.
I'm beginning to feel a little publicly humiliated and suspecting I might be at the end point of being useful when youngest goes to Uni.

Would you thank a spouse or should I just feel family covers it?
YANBU thank your partner
YABU family covers it.

Any good ideas for 'ducks in a row' worst case, I'm being 'let go' shortly.

You would have to an employ a housekeeper, a gardener, a handyman, a chef and a 24hr nanny to cover this lot. Why would one person agree to do all of it? What would the working person bring to the relationship that would make it worth it?

With special attention and an extra hard shove for the bit about ‘the three c’s’!!

You missed the part about him not wanting to wrangle teenagers and do his share of the domestic stuff then ?

The biggest part of this is nothing to do with my employment, that should have been a different thread.
If after 30 years of support in a niche field do you thank your partner or should they be content with a blanket family.
In this case his family know nothing about the subject, I feel like I know too much!

Exactly

Send!

Still workplace/boss mentality

Yes, Funny though

Are you saying that you think his wider family have been as involved and supportive and made as many sacrifices as his wife?

Because I don't think they have

No you shouldn’t be content with the blanket statement.
You know that.

But his whole behaviour is aligned with the fact he didn’t mention you. He is taking you for granted. Feels your contributions are either normal or not that much anyway. In which case, why mentioning you right?

Why is the working parent the only one giving feedback? How about the other way around? "Delighted my cleaning, catering and childcare are up to scratch, now let's talk about your substandard performance at weekends and on holiday, and your woeful sexual performance. And while we're on the subject, why you didn't get that work promotion you were so certain was yours for the taking."

Also servicing him. Let's not forget the SAHP's duty to lie back and think of England.

I especially liked the ‘three c’s’. I have a suggestion for a fourth !!

No, that’s not what I have said at all. I just, if someone thanks their family, to me I would straight away go to their family being their family who they live with: their spouse, their children. Maybe then further out to parents etc. But my immediate thought as to who someone’s family are would be the family they see every day. Maybe that’s just me though, judging by the other responses.
I don’t see how my post suggested that I thought his wider family had been more supportive than his wife.

@Red0 but the OP says he specifically looked towards his parents, not her when he talked about family.
He didn’t acknowledge her during his TWO speeches.

So I wouldn’t automatically think family=us/OP&dcs in that situation.

If he had looked at her whilst saying this, then yes I’d agree with you

Yes I get that, fair enough. Still don’t get where @Nanny0gg is coming from with “Are you saying that you think his wider family have been as involved and supportive and made as many sacrifices as his wife?” as my comment didn’t suggest anything close to that.
I’d be pissed off too if I was OP. She was there so she will know best what her DH meant by it, my comment was more that “family” to me was what I mentioned above.

Why did you make so many sacrifices for his career? There could have been a compromise surely?
It would be hard not feel resentful in this situation.

But yes, he definitely should have explicitly thanked you in his speech.

This reminds me, I was watching a short video of Alfred Hitchcock at an award ceremony. He thanked 4 people who contributed over decades to his success. One of the people that he mentioned was his wife.

Therefore, yes your husband should have thanked you.

You should make it clear that you are upset.

Go back to work, you do not have young children to care for.

@Diomi You would have to an employ a housekeeper, a gardener, a handyman, a chef and a 24hr nanny to cover this lot. Why would one person agree to do all of it? What would the working person bring to the relationship that would make it worth it?

This argument doesn't wash. Those of us in families where both parents work full time obviously don't employ this level of help. Myself and my husband both work in "big" jobs, and we hire a cleaner once a week and pay for after school club and holiday clubs. The rest is just minor housework like laundry and cooking, which is easy to fit in around work. This financial over-valuing of what a SAHP does makes you look ridiculous simply because loads of us are in 2 working parent families and know that this is factually and ludicrously incorrect.

If DH is generally appreciative then I'd imagine this eoukdnt be such a big deal. I suspect it's bigger than this. It's a bit ott to move from general inconsideration to ' he's going to leave me' otherwise. My MIL was married to an academic. She basically gave up her job, life, hobbies to hero worship him and his massive intellect for years.He never thanked her until he was on his deathbed.

I love that speech, off topic, but it was a very classy way to highlight the unsung contribution of women to Hollywood.

I don't think we realise how many women were in the edit suite teams.

I bet she wrote it!

No one would take the job if you advertised it, including me, because it’s undervalued, underpaid and not respected. That is why I work full time and so does my DH because we both know being a SAHP means you have to do all the thankless boring crap. I find it much easier going to work, paying a cleaner and sharing the cooking. The house is in chaos and we still haven’t unpacked from the summer holiday but I don’t have to feel guilty about that because I do a ‘big job’ outside the house just like you. We did have a nanny when the kids were younger but we didn’t expect her to clean, garden, work weekends, do diy, cook or launder for the adults.

Platespin

Thank you for adding the video

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Op, your husbands actions speak louder than his words

Does he take you for granted ?

Start putting yourself first

It’s a bit rude of him but surely you can move on from it, he’s not been appreciative of you but do you appreciate the fact his salary has allowed you to stop working

Should I have outsourced supporting DH throughout his career.
Yes- he could have organised & paid for snagging and odd job people for the house, care for kids and dog, all the other stuff.
Maybe he should have paid a mentor for those long dark night teatime of the soul career talks. Set u a WhatsApp group to blow off steam about colleagues.

I have had the big jobs, the cool jobs but mostly doing contract work, so ebbs and flows but I still don't think it's relevant. Would I be more deserving of thanks in weeks that I break 48 hours down to nothing during annual leave?