A bit sad I wasn't mentioned individually for supporting DH's career

[PlateSpinn]

So DH has just had a notable promotion and a celebration.
I've been there for 30 years, the student years,the low pay, the working away, the chewing over projects. My career took a terrible hit at multiple times to support him and keep the whole kid and home circus on the road.
He thanked his family several.times, looking at his parents, named a few colleagues and that was it.
I'm beginning to feel a little publicly humiliated and suspecting I might be at the end point of being useful when youngest goes to Uni.

Would you thank a spouse or should I just feel family covers it?
YANBU thank your partner
YABU family covers it.

Any good ideas for 'ducks in a row' worst case, I'm being 'let go' shortly.

OP said that it was clear that he meant his parents when he thanked his family.

She's made loads of sacrifices over the years to facilitate his career and it is completely unacknowledged and unappreciated by her DH. That isn't jealousy, it's being hurt and feeling taken for granted.

This entirely. You have every right to be upset OP.
Can I ask if you are working/financially independent?

Please tell me this is a joke? Regular check-ins so the working parent can give feedback on the arrangement and how household tasks are being performed?

This is like something out of a Victorian novel. He is not her master and she is not his servant.

And you talk about needing a discussion about whether to send the SAHP back to work full-time as though she is totally under his control with no autonomy?

If you are a real person and these are your real views, you need serious therapy.

I’ve not read everyone else’s posts other than yours OP, but surprised to see where the voting is at because I would’ve expected that him mentioning family would’ve included you and your kids as you are his family? I guess you will have to see what he says and whether you believe him. Take care.

My mum was a SAHP but my brothers and I made damn sure we thanked her and gave equal recognition to her during our speech at my dad's retirement party. My dad did too.
YANBU and someone else in the family should have pointed out his error to him and sponta eously stood up and toasted to you, I would have done if I had been there. I hope you are OK 💐

You are totally right to be hurt OP. He sounds like he takes you for granted - call him out on it. Its totally bullshit that he did not bother to mention you. But I think a lot of men in this position totally underestimate the support and contribution they get from their spouse. I see them in my practice sometimes after the woman up and leaves - completely bewildered and at sea, with no insight into how much they undervalued their partners.

I'm sure most SAHPs would greatly appreciate being given such a clear job description which they would read carefully before it shoving up their DH's arse.

Ripped up, piece by piece!

Love it!!

Love this! 🤣

I’d wonder if there was someone in the audience who wouldn’t want to hear him thanking his wife for her unwavering support….

This 😂😂😂

This post indicates to me that there is more going on here, the grass is greener opportunity remark says it's not just his, fucking incredible, lack of consideration for you that's bothering you.
Personally I would have a frank conversation and let him know how his shit fucking attitude to you makes you feel
Definitely be less available and certainly get the cunt pulling his fucking weight at home. Start putting you first for a change.

You are not so stupid at all. It is very sad that he didn't acknowledge you specifically at either events. Why would he thank his parents in particular? Respectfully, what have they done to help him over the past 30 years? When you can, let him know how disappointed you are not to be recognised in helping him get to where he is. And don't hold back when he gives his response! You are definitely not being unreasonable!

Some men do something shit like this to provoke the wife into reacting or leaving.

You are not unreasonable OP. I understand your position and my DH does thank me first, our children second, then everyone else from there. Depending on the details of the situation, I'd be hurt if it was otherwise since I actually have done the most to support his achievements.

I think your instinct is saying something for you. I was recently in your husbands position and my most important mention was to thank my partner. And I looked straight at him

@PlateSpinn psycologists say whether we do something purposefully or unconsciously, we have chosen to do it. So not thanking you personally was his choice and a crappy thing to do to you imo.

I dont know if your relationship is doomed. But what I do know is there is nothing stopping you going back to your career. Many employers are seeking out people who have taken a career break.

For me age is def an issue. I can't get a perm job anymore, so I've stayed as an interim. It's been great, but at the mo I am in between assignments, so you do need to plan financially for that. Otherwise, it's pretty good.

Good luck x

Psychologists do not say that.

I would hence forth do a birthday, anniversary posts on SM in the style of Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively with him cropped out of the pictures. I do have a problem letting things like this slide because they are important.

Very embarrassing for him that he didn't mention his wife. Imagine what his colleagues must think of him. Even if you were divorced he'd be kidding himself if he failed to acknowledge the part the mother of his children played for 30 years to get him to that place. Humiliating for his kids too. He sounds self-centred and thoughtless. Do you like your marriage generally? Is he usually lovely to you?

I honestly would drop the rope complete.
Clearly the OP has done far too much which is inevit nmably thankless for many.
Dropping the rope, no longer making his life as comfortable.
No argument, just be tok busy with other things.
Pick up your own interests, friends and get busy away from the house and him.
And get legal advice so you are ready if he decides to exit the marriage.

He doesn't sound like someone who cares about you. However, when he gave the speeches you were in another part of the room. Have you become more like house mates and less connected?

@BarbaraHoward

' I think that's why a number of us have asked if he's an academic. Typically promotion to Prof means an inaugural lecture with the family in attendance (and thanked, especially the spouse, obviously!) and often a drinks reception too (hence the two speeches).'

Thank you for that suggestion / explanation, not being my world I couldn't figure out what type of organisation / company had celebrations for promotions that included inviting the parents as well.

It isn’t so easy going back to work. I used to do a bit of work in the evenings and DH was meant to be home to baby sit. A few times he was late and I had to drive like fury to get to my work on time. The start time was non negotiable. I gave him my working dates in advance but he still went to meetings 100 miles away on my work days. These were around 8 evenings in 3 months so hardly unavoidable. You just end up being unimportant. He said he couldn’t say he had to leave at 4 to get home for dc so I could work. I said don’t agree to be so far away on my work schedule evenings and respect my job. Nothing changed. I stopped working.

So when you work snd DH isn’t around, who looks after dc? Who arranges for dc to be looked after? It sure won’t be him. These men don’t do school pick ups. Or take dc to clubs. In fact they don’t do dc much at all. They tell staff what they want and everyone falls in with what they want. I was moaned about for not working but had no support to work. So other than run myself ragged, what was the answer? Staying at home.

Plus you lose confidence. Things move on at work. It’s not easy. If you aren’t supported for 8 evenings in 3 months, a decent day job is 100% more difficult to organise and you’ll be doing even more without help and spending what you earn in childcare. Not working does lead to be seen as a non contributor though. By dh and friends. So that’s why you don’t get publicly thanked even though without you doing most family and household work, you are seen as a non contributor to his success.

'Baby sit' his own children. I'm so sorry. It's unbelievably selfish of him.

I have one of these, though still working. It's exhausting and demoralizing.