MIL strikes again

[againanothernamechange]

DP and I have a 10 month old, we live a 40 min drive from his dads house, we have an agreement in place that once a month for childcare reasons his dad and step mum will have GC. we have to drop GC off, he stays overnight and then GP's will drop him back home after work the following day. I admit, this month we've had to ask them to have him on a couple more occasions than usual because of mine the DP's work.

GC is due to go today, he's been off colour all week, and is now full of cold but MIL (its easier to call her that) is questioning if he's well enough for the visit! she says that she had planned for her own DD's child to be there 'for quality time apparently!!' (theres a 6 month difference), but if our son is poorly, she will have to cancel this as its not fair to pass any germs on!!!

I simply can't take time off work, nor can my DP and its just a cold!

AIBU by sending GC or YANBU.. its just a cold and she's being precious about the other GC

It riled me a bit too. My dm always brags that "By the time you were 4 months you were on cows milk, and a lot easier it was!" Yes well thanks for that🙄My adult kidneys appreciate it

You're unreasonable - our 9 month old daughter is poorly at the moment and the last 2 nights I've only slept 3 hours per night.

I don't think you can expect a grandparent to go through this physical and mental torture that is sleep deprivation. Being a grandparent shouldn't be that hard.

If DC is not well one of you has to take time off work. It's not unreasonable for your long-suffering MiL not to want to catch a cold or pass it on to her other GC. PiL are doing you a huge favour - with a 10 mth old, so no sinecure! - and you are being ungrateful and thoughtless. Why not pay for childcare?

Yes you can take emergency leave for dependants

I breastfed both DC. However, to start solids at 4 months was the received wisdom and I did it. I did not stop breastfeeding, however, for many, many more months.

All my babies were beside me but I wouldn't judge if parents decide to put their baby in a nursery room.

I found an article about when the Government wanted babies to be weaned at 6 months. Although health visitors was still advising parents to start introducing purees at 4 months. I swear to you my health visitor was giving me advice on weaning and introducing solids. I would have waited. I lived in South London at the time. She even pressured me to give my daughter the BCG jab. When I moved outside of London the advice changed.

https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/society/2004/nov/10/health.medicineandhealth

Your baby is 10 months old.

Yabvu to expect him to be happy anywhere but his own home with his own parent whilst ill.

Your MIL is not under any circumstances being unreasonable in questioning whether he is fit to do the usual overnight.

You or your dh need to take a day off and care for him yourselves.

Absolutely YABU. 🙄
If I was the step MIL, I wouldn't be asking, I'd be telling you 'no, x can't come if he's poorly as I have my other GC to think about and also my own health'.

But tbh, she shouldn't have to say that because you shouldn't have such high expectations of her and you should be organising time off work to look after your little baby rather than whinging on here about MIL 'striking again'!!

Perhaps put more energy into that rather than slagging off your DH's step mum!

So does a lot of things we stick in our bodies there is a risk. Contraception for women being one of them.

Jeez, this and your op show mil isn't the unreasonable one...

@ThatRareUmberJoker but there IS something wrong with it. It vastly increases the risk of SIDs and a baby monitor doesn’t mitigate against that risk. If OP wants to gamble then that’s on her but you cannot say there’s nothing wrong with ignoring the safe sleep guidelines.

I wouldn't do it and I wouldn't judge. That's all I am saying on the matter.

Baby rice? Sorry OP the 90ies called and want their parenting book back.

Yes, and now we know better, we should be doing better. If you can't put your child's needs first at 4 months then you're going to have a very rough ride as a parent. Hence my previous comment saying that OP and her husband appear to be unable/unwilling to manage their very young baby's needs and are already looking for shortcuts and finding it very stressful when other people won't/can't do the parenting for them. MIL is probably worried about the fact this small baby is being treated as an inconvenience to be managed rather than a privilege to be nurtured.

How interesting. I was surprised when my mum told me she waited until 6 months as I did think that advice was more recent. We discussed it when my now 9 year old was a baby. My mum had one of those baby books to record my first year and there’s a photo of me trying food for the first time at 6 months. That was in 1981 in Yorkshire. I wonder why the advice she was given was different from the norm. Strange.

Sounds like someone needs to question your poor parenting decisions. If you don’t want this level of involvement then stop using them for childcare.

Weaning isn’t advices until 6 months so I’d comment on that too if I was a family member.

Youre also being massively unreasonable about expecting them to look after an ill child.

My parents were supposed to have DD this week but instead I took a day off work as she’s ill and I don’t want my parents getting ill. It’s just what you have to do.

She's at university now what more can I do as a parent?
Please tell me

The op works and is obviously worrying about money. She has to take a deep breath and not look at being a failure as a parent or provider because she isn't. She will probably have to take the day off it won't be the end of the world. I don't think she should be made to feel worse as a mother no one knows her financial situation.

1/10. 'Strikes again'? I'm disappointed. I hoped this was going to be a dinger of a tale.

Do you think you might possibly criticise the OP for her poor parenting choices without disrespecting previous generations, who faithfully followed the guidance they were given - just as you are doing?

I have a newsflash for you - by the time your children have children the guidance will have changed again, and they will criticise you.

No, but the poster could think twice before saying to others "Well I did the badly-advised thing and my one anecdote appears to show it turned out fine" as it might impact others to make a similar choice statistically likely to lead to bad outcomes.

Well, she comes in handy providing free childcare so I would say it's normal that she questions you about things. Especially when her concerns are valid according to pediatric practice. But sure, pay a baby-sitter instead, she won't say anything because less emotionally invested in your DC.

Like another poster said the guidelines will change when your children have children. Any stories you tell them the same response will be given to you.

just feel constantly judged by her! every decision i make about my baby and she has an opinion. I started him on solids at 4 months, and she questioned this, We've put him in his own room, she's questioned this!

Well she’s right about both those things isn’t she, you’re not supposed to start them on solids at 4 months and they’re not supposed to be in their own room until 12 months 😂