MIL strikes again

[againanothernamechange]

DP and I have a 10 month old, we live a 40 min drive from his dads house, we have an agreement in place that once a month for childcare reasons his dad and step mum will have GC. we have to drop GC off, he stays overnight and then GP's will drop him back home after work the following day. I admit, this month we've had to ask them to have him on a couple more occasions than usual because of mine the DP's work.

GC is due to go today, he's been off colour all week, and is now full of cold but MIL (its easier to call her that) is questioning if he's well enough for the visit! she says that she had planned for her own DD's child to be there 'for quality time apparently!!' (theres a 6 month difference), but if our son is poorly, she will have to cancel this as its not fair to pass any germs on!!!

I simply can't take time off work, nor can my DP and its just a cold!

AIBU by sending GC or YANBU.. its just a cold and she's being precious about the other GC

I’m on the MIL side on all of those points.

You are being a very unreasonable, obnoxious DiL.

I think the only person not on MILs side is OP!

I can't believe there's actually 4% of people who think OP is not being unreasonable! Hopefully they just clicked the wrong button!!

Where does your baby go the other times you are working?
Is the other grandchild 4 or 16 months? Surely you don't want them to be ill too? I would assume you haven't been back to work long you need to realise that when your child goes to nursery/school they will be ill more times than you can imagine, what do you and oh do for work? A lot of places allow parents pto to care for sick children.

Yes, it's usually the parents who follow the research because they want to do the best thing for their child, and more likely to be a MIL feeling threatened because the way they did it is no longer in line with best practise. Really odd for a Mum to know the information needed to keep her baby safe and choose to not follow it.

A poorly baby needing overnight childcare at 10m old is quite an unusual situation. You most likely need to be thinking about whether your jobs roles are sustainable. It’s quite a hefty bit of childcare you’re getting from your in-laws. You do need to appreciate what you have there as it’s quite significant.

The challenge is that once you rely on family childcare you need to know it is there and going to work. If it’s a cold then I think she should carry on as planned as a nursery would but if you have a very unhappy baby on your hands, any sort of fever then an overnight is a big ask when they’re just going to want you so I can see why she’s questioning it. For me it really depends how poorly the baby is.

Starting solids early (before baby’s digestive system is fully developed) can cause health problems in later life. There is a reason 6 months is the recommendation.

Love that this is called “MIL strikes again” when OP is very much in the wrong.

Bloody hell! My own mum wouldn’t have had any of mine overnight at such a young age on top of having them for 2 full days so regularly!

And you want to send an unwell 10 month old? He’ll be so whingy - you can’t expect anyone else to put up with that! And he’ll want his parents for comfort. It’s the reality of having small children, you have to take time off when they’re ill.

I hope you’re extremely grateful to her in person - you sound awful here

My daughter was weaned at 4 months I am shocked she's still alive and got to 20 years old.

This. There's no formal contact etc.

Oh Dear, I'm probably the same age as your MIL and I'd be telling you that there's no way I'd be looking after your DC on these terms.
You are leaving him there for overnight stays 3 X in a month? Hahaha no bloomin' chance.
I'd love to have a word with your MIL and teach her some assertive techniques.

You shouldn’t be trying to fill him up (this can lead to stretching their stomach and being more hungry next time around) You are supposed to feed a baby ‘on demand’ whenever they are hungry. And pace feed if using a bottle.

I think it would be a good idea to go on the NHS start for life website and have a refresh on weaning and baby care. I know that this will sound patronising but I think you need to put DS wellbeing first.

Early weaning is linked to developing IBS and other digestive diseases in later life. You might not see the damage until she's 40.

How lucky are you to get free childcare once a month and extras. You should not send your child if they are sick. You are a bit entitled. Many of us have never had this and would never dream of imposing arrangements like this.

How is this meant to help? Is that poster supposed to get a time machine?

This. Why would your son need to stay over when they are only 40 minutes away? And she's not your MIL, she's your step MIL, which makes your demands even more galling.

If PP had said, "I weaned my daughter at 4 months because I didn't know better. She's 20 now and luckily currently seems to be OK, but I wouldn't do it again," I wouldn't have said anything.

The way she's worded it smacks of survivor bias, i.e. "I did it and I was fine, therefore no-one else should worry about doing the same." I'm just pointing out that actually, she has no way of knowing if her daughter is fine.

When I had my first baby the advice was 4 months weaning and that was 20 years ago. Then it changed to 6 months a baby is hungry by then. All I heard was miserable mothers saying I waited 6 months and he was always so hungry. With my last 3 children I weaned them at 5 months old.

Some people decide to have a nursery room for their baby rather than have them beside their bed at night. Nothing wrong with it they had a baby monitor beside their bed, it's personal choice.

The advice back then was 4 months I even owned a baby book. Ask any older parent what the advice was 20 years ago. Even my health visitor advised me on what purees to give her.

My mum weaned me at 4 months and I am fine. That was the advice back then.

This ^

I’m 43 and the advice when I was a baby was breastmilk or formula only until 6 months. Maybe depends where you lived at the time.

Breastmilk and formula are both far more calorie dense than other foods a young baby is likely to be given so the “hungry baby” argument has never made sense to me. Babies get most of their nutrition from their milk until they are around a year old. Starting solids is nothing to do with hunger.

Being in the same room as another person is protective against SIDS. A baby monitor is no substitute for a person.

Great! Lots of people aren’t though. Early weaning doesn’t guarantee problems in later life but it does increase the risk. Advice changes as we research and learn more.