Not allowed private room

[Spamfritterss]

for my birth I made it clear I wanted to pay for a private room. When giving birth 3 weeks ago I had a bit of a traumatic birth and was told I couldn’t have a private room with bed for my husband due to needing an extra eye kept on me. I was put on a noisy ward where I was placed at the end by the window the row of beds next to me all had their curtains partially closed so you couldn’t see me unless you walked down. I didn’t have someone keep an eye on me I had checks but no more than any one else. My husband and I had been awake for way over 15 hours so I sent him home as one of us had to get some sleep. The ward was full of people and partners chatting all night as well as crying babies. All I wanted was to be alone with my husband. I had no clue what I was doing couldn’t move properly and spent the whole night crying over what had just happened to me. 2 of my mum friends have just given birth and where able to have a private room. I just feel really resentful. I get they thought it was medically necessary but no one could see me and I didn’t get any extra checks

You're getting a hard time here but I don't think you are being unreasonable if the rooms were available and they weren't keeping an eye on you anyway.

I'm sure everyone agrees mothers whose babies have passed away or are in NICU should be prioritised but this was seemingly not relevant in this case.

Thank you and I'm so grateful we were. I just remember crying in the room as they brought my beautiful boy in - gone but so perfect. 4 days later we removed his brothers life support and 40 minutes later dh and I sat numb looking at our beautiful boys - dreams completely ripped to shreds. Some poster just said the op should have a private room like every other mum here. Trust me if it would bring back my boys I'd have slept on the floor outside but to grieve I was so grateful for that privacy.

If you've had an operation then they're much less likely to let you be in a side room where they can't see you if something happens after the op. The midwives are not out to upset you, but to give the best care they can.

No, you shouldn’t have been on ward. But neither should someone with a child in nicu, or anyone else who has had a difficult birth.

i had one on nicu and one in scu, and it was the worst week of my life. I am incredibly grateful that both children survived, but it was not a certainty at the time, and it would not have been appropriate for me to share a room with mothers and healthy children.

I don't think she did. She thought if she paid for the room she would have it come Hell or high water by the sounds of it. A private room is a double edged sword as it is much more difficult to keep an eye on a patient, whereas on a ward every nurse/doctor who comes in will have an eye open to see where help is needed. She doesn't understand that, either.

You needed to be on the main ward so that an eye could be constantly kept on you. In a private room that would not be the case, you would be checked on by rota. On the main ward everyone who came in would know to notice how you were doing, even if they did not specifically come and carry out some procedure.0

I didn't say anyone with a baby in the nicu should be on a ward, my second twin was in there till he died. I think anyone who is compromised should have the private space. I just took umbridge with a posters comment that everyone should have a room no matter what. Really glad that your babies were ok. It's terrifying isn't it Xxxx

Sorry, but I have never been as neglected as when I was on a general ward. In theory there are medical professionals in the room more frequently , but they aren’t necessarily paying attention to you. It makes it easier for hospital to tick a box that patient has been attended to, but they haven’t actually been cared for.

I think everyone should have privacy post birth. When we treat privacy like a limited resource we run into rationing issues, which is how I almost ended up in general ward despite having one in nicu and one scu.

Agreed. Doubt it will happen anytime soon though. When I was in hospital when my twins died , all the private rooms were taken up already including me being in one. Though that two weeks it was a pretty bad period for the neonatal unit [I'm in Ireland] I'd like to see more resources going into maternity. I'm pregnant again now so pretty nervous about this time ahead.

I wonder if it's partly about staffing as well, like maybe the private rooms have a different ratio of nurses to patients so they might not be checking on the private rooms as often. I've had 4 babies with quite different births (I'm not in the UK though) but with my second which was very low complications (compared to 2 very complicated births and a NICU baby) where I was very lucky that I was also in a private room I saw the nurses a whole lot less. Then when I had a NICU baby I had a private room because it's not really appropriate to be in with the Mums who get to have their babies in with them when your baby can't be with you. You're entitled to your feelings and it's okay to feel disappointed. The shared postnatal rooms really aren't great. But the Mums in the private rooms are sometimes experiencing a whole different world of trauma. Or, sometimes other people just get an easier experience but comparing who had it better or worse isn't really helpful.

Beyond heartbreaking, I bet your boys were absolutely perfect 🩵🩵

I'm pregnant again now so pretty nervous about this time ahead.

Fingers crossed for you this time @Ella31 💐

All the best for your current pregnancy. I also suffered later losses prior to my twins and know it is a fragile, hopeful but scary time.

I'm so sorry, I hope you have found some peace since then. It's a scary road isn't it and I hope your twins are doing well. Xxx

They were stunning. Almost 3lbs and cute as buttons. I miss them everyday. Xx

You sound pretty entitled - do you not think every woman on the ward would also say "all I wanted was to be alone with my husband"? I wanted a private room for my first, didn't get one and didn't give it a second thought, because it's just one or two nights and doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things, especially when the NHS is on its knees and there are people with unwell babies needing extra care and attention around you.

I’m sorry you had such a difficult time.

Hospital wards are not the nicest places and having a traumatic birth and being sleep deprived are both awful things to go through.

I think you did the right thing by letting your DH go home and sleep.
Hopefully he can take you home today and be safe to drive and then let you sleep as much as you can.

The first couple of days I would absolutely prioritise sleep and take shifts if you need to whilst you’re both adjusting to the massive change.

Ultimately, what’s done is done.

They kept you in the main ward for safety and this is what you need to focus on, even if you felt they didn’t check on you much.

Health care staff are often able to look like they’re not busy or not constantly watching but actually if something did happen to you, then they’d have noticed almost immediately.
The only reason you don’t know this is because fortunately your recovery was ok.

You have to drop this as over analysing something like this can make things like PND worse.
You will have some trauma from a difficult birth already and you don’t have the energy to give this anymore thought.

Congratulations on your new baby 💐

You sound pretty entitled

She sounds like someone who’s trying to make sense of recent trauma to me by focusing on something that might have been avoidable. I think most of us here have had children or multiple children and can extend quite a bit of empathy there.

I’m so sorry for the loss of your beautiful babies

But if she had the private room then her DH would've been with her so surely he would ( try to) alert staff if there was an isdue

I was in the same position as you, OP. I had my daughter in a normal NHS hospital but was able to book a private room in advance. But when my daughter was born, I was put in a ward with other mothers and new norms because the private rooms were being used by women whose babies had problems and it was felt that they would be better off in a separate room.

I found it very difficult to sleep in the ward, but I was thankful that my baby was healthy enough that the medical staff didn't feel she needed to be in a separate room, unlike the baby who was in the room I had booked. I didn't whinge about it or think it was unfair, and recognised that someone else needed the room more than me. Even if I'd been allocated the private room I had booked, I wouldn't have wanted my husband to be there overnight and can't imagine why anyone would have wanted that.

Sorry this happened to you OP and equally sorry you’re getting a hard time. I certainly haven’t heard you say anywhere that you should take priority over mums will unwell babies etc. just that it seemed unreasonable to not allow you a private room when there seemed to be a few empty under the guise of “extra checks” that then didn’t happen. I can understand that. Clearly nobody thinks that paying mums should take priority over those with a clinical need, quite offensive to suggest that’s the case tbh, what people are saying is that private rooms should be available to all post birth as a default, as they are in many other countries.

I also think it’s ridiculous people are having a go about your husband going home. I’m hoping to be able to get a private room after birth and if I do my husband will sleep on the floor to help me in the night etc. If I can’t get one then I’ll likely be sending him home because he snores, which will be worse if he’s sleeping in a chair and will drive me nuts and be unfair on the other women. Also I want him to be well rested and on top form ready to care for us when we get home!

The very first line of her post states, "for my birth I made it clear I wanted to pay for a private room."

They can’t control him choosing to leave at any point though. If he suddenly decided he wanted to pop home, they can’t keep him there. Then they are back to the issue of a high risk patient in a side room. I know realistically he likely wouldn’t leave but from a risk management perspective of the midwifery team they are safer to put her in a bay where she is guaranteed to have other people in the bay at all times.