Not allowed private room

[Spamfritterss]

for my birth I made it clear I wanted to pay for a private room. When giving birth 3 weeks ago I had a bit of a traumatic birth and was told I couldn’t have a private room with bed for my husband due to needing an extra eye kept on me. I was put on a noisy ward where I was placed at the end by the window the row of beds next to me all had their curtains partially closed so you couldn’t see me unless you walked down. I didn’t have someone keep an eye on me I had checks but no more than any one else. My husband and I had been awake for way over 15 hours so I sent him home as one of us had to get some sleep. The ward was full of people and partners chatting all night as well as crying babies. All I wanted was to be alone with my husband. I had no clue what I was doing couldn’t move properly and spent the whole night crying over what had just happened to me. 2 of my mum friends have just given birth and where able to have a private room. I just feel really resentful. I get they thought it was medically necessary but no one could see me and I didn’t get any extra checks

@Mamabobogo but what difference does it make?

Of course it makes a difference that your births were both over 30 years ago!

As far as this conversation goes you haven’t got the first clue, your experience isn’t relevant to the conversation in the slightest! You have no idea what maternity wards or the care is like.

When i had my sons 24 and 19 year ago had my own room for both 1st was in old block and second in the new block never paid for them as was standard in my hospital not sure if they had and have wards in the maternity wing

OP I had a traumatic emergency cesarean and was put into first a single empty room that was being refurbished while I was in it, with my screaming new born baby.

Then I was moved to a creepy, empty ward with vacant beds in that gave major horror movie vibes.

Sadly healthcare has been completely stripped of resources, poorly run by successive governments, and in all is not always fit for purpose. It can also be amazing, and it is incredibly free.

I think as long as you came through clinically safely and unscathed, just chalk it down to experience and move on.

Why didn’t you just go private from the outset? There is always a risk the private rooms may not be available. It’s not a hotel. Like everyone said you have a healthy baby - focus on that

How has any mother benefitted from other mothers being in the ward?

No, the private rooms are not guaranteed. There are no free rooms, you pay to have a private room, which are not guaranteed if there is a bigger need. Only fully private births, planned and paid for prior to the birth, can guarantee off-ward private rooms.

When I had my twins, it was hospital policy to try to give parents of multiples a private room - so that the Dad could stay overnight to help. So, after my c section, I spent 15 hours or so on a bay with other women and babies, and then my partner and I, and our babies, were duly given a fabulous private room - huge, amazing view, en suite, super clean and very quiet. All free.

All seemed great. Until it wasn't.

What no one had realised was that I had serious internal bleeding. Shortly after being shown to our private room, my partner nipped out to try to find the hospital restaurant. I was alone in the room with the babies. I got out of bed to use the loo and collapsed on the floor. My blood pressure had obviously plummeted. I couldn't move any of my limbs. I couldn't speak - let alone call out or reach the alarm button. Fortunately, my partner happened to come back to the room very shortly afterwards and so was able to get urgent help.

To me, it's important that women who have recently given birth are within earshot of another adult at all times - whether that's in a ward with other women or in a private room with someone who stays with you all the time.

I hope you can put your understandable disappointment with your antenatal experience behind you OP and enjoy this precious time.

Our hospital didn’t have private options. My second baby ended up in the SCBU and I lay in bed crying because I was on the main ward where I couldn’t get any rest due to all the other mothers having their babies with them. They told me to stay in bed and rest and to pop up to SCBU for feeding times. During visiting we went up but it was only my DH and DD who were able to visit SCBU. Partners weren’t allowed to stay. Visiting was strict. And he couldn’t stay late either as he had our other daughter at home. First time around I was on a 6 bed ward with just a teenager. I lay in bed crying on the phone whilst all I was listening to was her on her phone loved up to her boyfriend and then he appeared at the door with fish n chips with her at one point.

I really do understand your upset and how awful it was for you and you needed that private space- but this is unfortunately what it’s like in a busy nhs maternity ward.

the only way to guarantee privacy is to give birth in a private hospital.
I remember the horror of being on a noisy ward post emergency c section after 3 day labour with no sleep - it definitely added to the trauma. That was 25 years ago - I still get annoyed if I think about it.

Pre-birth it’s all Baby Showers, Birth Plans, Gender Reveals and handy Apps to help you prepare for the perfect birth.

At birth it’s a lottery. You’re just one of many having a baby. If you’re lucky there’ll be a bed available and a midwife. If you’re very lucky the midwife will listen to your needs (before going off shift and passing you on to someone else who may or may not). And if you’re exceptionally lucky you’ll have the birth you wanted.

After birth you’ll be sent home asap to make room for the next intake. You might be lucky enough to receive a piece of toast and a watery cup of instant coffee. This is ‘empowering’.

Basically, if you don’t already know the nhs is a mess, you’ll know once you arrive at hospital in labour.

It's not a race to the bottom we should all be a lot more outraged about the shit show that maternity care is. The 'at least you and the baby are alive' attitude is what's driving the low standards.

Birth stories always turn into some sort of competition. I’m sorry you had a shit time. I can’t imagine being put on a ward after having a baby is easy, no one is getting any rest. You just can’t plan your birth, anything can happen unfortunately. Try to focus on your recovery and spending time with your baby.

I think you’re being a bit melodramatic OP.

i had a baby by emergency c section under general anaesthetic before my husband even had time to get to the hospital.

they put me on the antenatal ward which was so kind as my baby was in NICU so I didn’t want to be surrounded by other mums with their babies. I’m pretty sure all the private rooms were taken by other people more in need which was completely fine by me. I was just grateful that my baby had been born alive thanks to some amazingly swift medical decisions (made in a matter of seconds)

if you want a private hospital experience then you need the £££ to pay for a private hospital simple as

I had a 36 hour labour and traumatic birth with complications for me and DS1. I asked to pay for a private room but it was a much busier day than usual and I couldn't have one. They also said they needed to keep an eye on me and baby easily and better in a ward. I arrived in ward at 5am exhausted. At 7am all the lights are on and it gets even more noisy. I was angry at the time but now I realise that others had a greater need.

I haven't rtft. OP, I paid for a private room, they ignored me for 3 days. I was blissfully unaware that my baby needed to feed more and was getting poorly. On the first few days my midwife literally introduced herself saying 'I'm your named midwife but I am too busy to see you due to others being more poorly'. On the third day the pain relief trolley came to my room for the first time (they were shocked I hadn't been offered anything before that). On the 3rd day a lovely midwife introduced herself and taught me to breastfeed. Then the paediatrician had a battle with the team about my baby's urgent need for nutrition and we started mixed feeding. She was actually quite ill after that rocky start. Just to let you know private is far from perfect. I'm sorry it wasn't how you wanted, I regretted private and you don't know how that would have turned out. Hope you are doing ok.

I would have had a private birth and looked into it but due to complications I had to be close to the hospital. Private was just to far away. I also considered a home birth and couldn’t have one. I was told by the hospital that anyone could have a private room as long as they pay. I was also told before I gave birth on the labour ward that I could have one. I didn’t have any extra checks which is what they gave as a reason for not giving me one. They said rooms were available. I had checks at every ex amount of hours but so did everyone else I know who gave birth at the hospital this month. I do think I had a horrible birth but it’s not a competition on who had it worst. I’m am seeking therapy/ counselling to go over what happened to me as I’m still struggling to deal with it.

Bless you. It's horrible feeling out of control when you're vulnerable.

Please try and look after yourself as much as possible. Remember some people on MN aren't here to be compassionate as much as they are to make sassy little comments for the sake of their own ego, forgetting they could be talking to someone experiencing real trauma. We should be here to support new mothers but unfortunately that doesn't always happen.

True. This thread is just a pile on - people going on about things that aren't even applicable.

It just depends on availability and your condition it isn’t an entitlement. I just don’t know why they let men stay on the wards though, and why some women insist on their partner staying, I sent mine home as soon as I was settled in my bed. Men shouldn’t be on the maternity wards at night. They’re not patients!

When you’re ready, please ask the unit at the hospital about a debrief - they really do help you process what happened. A lot of places have a designated mental health midwife now as well, who will be a part of any debriefing process. I’m sorry that you didn’t get the birth you wanted. You won’t always feel like this I promise

I completely agree, midwifery care in the UK is literally shocking at the moment. It’s not that they can’t be bothered they are literally stretched beyond belief. They physically can’t provide the checks required in a timely manner unless they learn to shape shift or time travel. I wish I was exaggerating.

Yes that’s absolutely true they should be able to make an informed decision and this be clearly documented. But when it’s for a semi- private service that is never guaranteed I think they have more scope to refuse based on risk. Otherwise people are allowed to make “unwise decisions” as long as they have capacity.

My labour was over double that. I was also on a busy maternity ward that was loud and was in for a few days post partum so I barely slept. I don't understand why you're saying 'we'. Your husband could sleep at home and wouldn't be tired as he didn't have to go through labour like you. There was no need for him to sleep at the hospital as he wasn't a patient.

I don't know anyone who's had a private room. Maybe they were keeping those free for women who'd gone through trauma eg baby unwell etc.

Ours is another hospital where you can pay for a private room but they also allocate them to people in clinical need of one, paid or not. They also make it clear they can deny your request for one.

During Covid I was on a busy bay with other mums and their babies… while mine was in NICU and they didn’t know if he would live.

It’s so shit and of course there should be more private rooms, but if I were to have another baby I would definitely accept not getting a private room if it meant they were saving it for someone in that situation.