Not allowed private room

[Spamfritterss]

for my birth I made it clear I wanted to pay for a private room. When giving birth 3 weeks ago I had a bit of a traumatic birth and was told I couldn’t have a private room with bed for my husband due to needing an extra eye kept on me. I was put on a noisy ward where I was placed at the end by the window the row of beds next to me all had their curtains partially closed so you couldn’t see me unless you walked down. I didn’t have someone keep an eye on me I had checks but no more than any one else. My husband and I had been awake for way over 15 hours so I sent him home as one of us had to get some sleep. The ward was full of people and partners chatting all night as well as crying babies. All I wanted was to be alone with my husband. I had no clue what I was doing couldn’t move properly and spent the whole night crying over what had just happened to me. 2 of my mum friends have just given birth and where able to have a private room. I just feel really resentful. I get they thought it was medically necessary but no one could see me and I didn’t get any extra checks

Just because the rooms were empty doesnt mean that they werent earmarked.

I wanted one and was prepared to pay but the only one left was being saved for any woman who may give birth to a still born child, apparently this was their protocol and perfectly understandable.

If you want a private room the only way to guarantee that is not to use an nhs hospital and pay for everything privately.

Yes, I know they're not great, mostly due to understaffing. I've given birth in them several times.

Unfortunately I think if they don’t have them available priority will go to people who medically need it. I’m not buying their reasoning though. I had a private room due to mental health reasons. I’m not sure how allocation of private rooms are if you pay- but surely as it’s the NHS , you don’t take priority and they would be rooms not used by non paying mums. I don’t know. I know what you mean though, I was put on a ward for 8 hrs before I got allocated a room and I hated it!

I loved the postnatal ward. It was like a soap opera with all the crying, drama etc. would have missed out if I had a private room!

It's unfortunate but try not to dwell. Think about your future now and leave this issue in the past.

I think you only get this if you pay for private care under a private maternity.

If you want this you need to either have a home birth or pay to go to a private hospital.

IMO every woman should have a private room.

This. Its awful that our expectations have to be so low. But this is the reality of the NHS at the moment and there isn't much you can personally do to change it..I think it's best to move past this. Our local hospital has no private rooms anymore that you can pay for. They are allocated based on clinical need. This may have been how they were allocated in your hospital.

hard on a new mum who just wanted to make the birth as best possible

I really wish joyful deliveries were the norm. Since they aren't, I'd prefer the propaganda around birth to be a little less saccharine, more realistic. Depending on your definitions, between 40% and 70% of births are complicated. Our health system's struggles are clear enough, but maternity's nowhere near a leading cause of death for women in the UK; it used to be, and still is in some countries.

@Spamfritterss, I'm very sorry you had what sounds like a terrifying birth experience, and so happy you and your baby are both safe I agree with some PPs that your anger's likely to be a perfectly normal and understandable reaction to the trauma you suffered, rather than specifically about the room. I believe you can get specialist counselling and/or a session with the doctors who treated you. If something like this could help you, go for it!

@universalcredithelpplease

I absolutely agree that all women should have the option of a private room and would love to see that as a reality. Unfortunately there are clearly not enough rooms or staffing at present. Personally, in this imperfect situation I would prefer the private rooms to be allocated on clinical or compassionate need (like your sil) rather than on the ability to pay £200.

Thousands do - I had a women tell her husband to get in the room and refuse to move until it was given to her.

It was being kept for the mum of a very premature and likely to not survive baby.

Believe me when I say he was shifted!!!

The midwives clearly thought you were too unwell to be in a side room. So it was for your own safety. If the side rooms were already occupied then that's tough luck I'm afraid.

There's private rooms at our hospital. Unfortunately my son was so ill with what they thought might be a bacterial infection that they put him in a private room nearest the nurses station. I've no idea if his illness caused a paying patient to be deprived though.

My only of an nhs hospital ward with private rooms was when I had DC 2 and he should have been in SCU but the Drs thought hed be best with me and when my DH was dying. They wouldn't give him a room because the private rooms were for people with big families ie Asian people. It pissed me off big time. He died a few days later having been attacked by an old guy on the ward who had dementia. I had asked the doctor to move the old guy, but he refused. They moved him after he attacked my DH.

@Spamfritterss I've no idea why they wouldn't give you a room, you sound like you needed one. 😞 I hope all goes well x

Coming from another country where all women have private rooms post birth, I find uk facilities positively 3rd world.

i was allocated a private room following an emergency section of twins, but when one twin went to nicu and second was about to move to special care one of the nurses tried to shift us to ward as the extra space no longer warranted. Really grateful to the senior midwife who stepped in and told her off and bullied us back into our private room as I cried inconsolably from my bed in the hallway having just heard that my second child would also be taken from me. I don’t know how I would have coped sharing a ward following a traumatic birth of two children with complex needs that kept us in hospital for several weeks.

even in more straightforward situations birth can be traumatic - I think all women are deserving of some space and privacy afterwards. Maternity wards should be 100% private rooms with accommodation for partners.

Had exactly the same 18 months ago. All indications that the rooms were available to be booked, went to book them a week before c-section and told no due to ‘Covid’…of course. Asked again day of section and told no again because they ‘needed to keep an eye on me’ , had a complex section, spent most of the day in recovery, wheeled up to the most grim ward I’ve ever seen and left covered in blood, having had a catheter leak all over the bed and left and didn’t see a soul from 10pm until 7am apart from some 😠 husband 2 feet away who didn’t shut up all night and kept stepping through the curtain usually while my tit was out. There wasn’t even enough room, I was shoved in a windowless corner with basically a sheet strung up.

The 6 private rooms remained unoccupied for the duration of my stay.

The aftercare got even worse when arriving home and the weeks that followed. It’s shit, you’re allowed to feel shit and women need to stop being brainwashed into thinking all of it is absolutely ok because you got to leave the hospital alive with a baby.

I'm an example of one of those. When my son was stillborn last year and his twin was critical in the Nicu. He died 4 days later. There were 3 rooms free. I took one so we could grieve the death of our baby. Another woman also lost her baby that night. She took the other. They do fill up fast some days. but obviously didn't think I'd be holding my dead baby in my arms that night and his brother a few days later. I was grateful for the room tbh.

Honestly I think people put such expectations on the birth plan they want. Births are messy and can often end up not going to plan. Ultimately all most people want is a healthy baby.
I'm sorry it wasn't as you hoped it would be, but don't let resentment spoil your first few weeks with your lovely newborn. A single room while it would have been lovely is just not worth that.

Completeky agree. I lost my twins at birth last year, my son was stillborn and his brother died 4 days later. so i was given a private room I needed it too. I'm so sorry for your loss xxx

This has broken my heart, I am so, so very sorry to your SIL. Making her go to a ward where other women have their babies is absolutely barbaric. X

I don't think the majority are being unfair. I'm the third woman on here whose baby died- two in my case (my twins died) and we needed the rooms the night it happened. A woman was removed the night my first twin passed and she was really pissed off as the care assistant explained the situation. I've only ever seen this happen when babies die or a baby is in intensive care.

I'm so sorry @Ella31 and @Stinksmum and anyone else I may have missed who lost their beautiful babies. 100% people in your situations should be prioritised for private rooms and I'm glad you both were x

What about mums who babies were stillborn or died. Two of mine died last November. Stillborn and my second twin was removed from life support. Should I have been in a ward that had mums and their healthy babies. I'm a mum on here.